Lol. Had a similar experience when I got a colonoscopy. They roll me into the room and there’s a gorgeous resident with the doctor. My first thought, “shit.” I almost said it out loud.
 

Here I am, about to be put under and this girl my age will be shoving a tube up my ass. Me, being awkward, made a poor attempt at humor. Might have received a chuckle. So embarrassing.

I once had a testicular ultrasound, about 30 years ago.  And I prayed that it would NOT be a male technician coming in to fondle my balls.  Just sayin'.  Turned out it was a very pretty young woman who was apparently used to men getting boners in her presence, as she used a towel to pin down my shaft while she performed the procedure. It was not totally unpleasurable, what with the cold jelly being slathered on my junk; but not as pleasurable as it might have been without the towel.  Just sayin'.

Michigan 2 (in honor of my balls), Rutger 0.

That 2016 highlight video? How can so much concentrated wonderfulness be so sad?

If anyone was wondering about the MgoStaff's opinion on Michigan football  these days I'd just point them to this post for a great insight on where we are as a fan base.

Bryan's do-dads and turds are the reference points and accurately so.

Good job guys and that's a great analogy Bryan.  You've captured our fan angst perfectly.

Note: original post edited to reflect correct pair of do-dads.

BryMac, your seminal essay reaches the heart, so to speak, of feels about this year: Nuts!

IntRaj, your nautical nuances nerf the question, whether all my cells that celebrated older days of glory have been replaced by cells of quiet desperation.

Predicted score: Michigan Grapes, Rutgers Water.

Harbaugh's "Ship of Theseus" is Kevin McCarthy's "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1956).  Most frghtening film of my lifetime.

Great Punt/Counterpunt.

The Ship of Theseus concept applies to any institution that has longevity and tries to stay true to its roots. But it has limits if one is too literal. Just replacing each plank, peg, rope, sail, mast and spar will keep the ship seaworthy for a long time but ultimately you'll have a seagoing museum piece.

The ship that took Theseus to slay the Minotaur will end up being surpassed by the galleass, galleon, carrack, and later the ship-of-the-line.

We have great existing examples of the fighting sail era vessels in the USS Constitution and HMS Victory. Both are older than the UM (UM officially existed from 1817 onward) and after the pandemic you can go visit them.

The Constitution (launched in 1797) is now moored in Boston, underwent several repairs and rebuilds in 2010 and 2015 before sailing once more in 2017. The Victory docked in Portsmouth, UK, technically is still in commission for the Royal Navy, was launched in 1765. She is in the midst of a major refit and had her upper masts taken down and they are trying to restore her hull.

While these are wonderful preservation efforts, navies have moved on by several generations - ironclads to dreadnoughts to aircraft carriers and submarines and now stealth ships, drones and who knows what else.

I don't why the team seems flat or why the Harbaugh era has hit a ceiling, but literally trying to recreate the past probably is not the answer.

https://ussconstitutionmuseum.org/

https://www.hms-victory.com/

Finally, don't let potential embarrassment prevent you from getting a colonoscopy, ultrasound or some other needed test. 

Go Blue!

I'm surprised the tech encounter didn't include a query of "Any metal down there? Piercings? Studs? Like a scrotum ring? Penis stud? No? "

Those of you in more urban settings only have to endure the embarrasment for the duration of the exam. Well, no so fast, my friends. I live in a small, one stoplight village with a large teaching hospital. A young medical student giving my wife a pelvic exam- a cutie pootootie in my wife's words - also played in her rec volleyball league. All she could say was,"Well, see you Thursday."

I had almost the exact same experience, right down to the attractive female ultrasonographer. Thankfully she seemed to do these on a daily basis, and chatted the whole time about a variety of things. On top of that, my wife was in the middle of her 3rd pregnancy after years of fertility treatments, so I'd already wanked into a cup multiple times in cold hospital bathrooms with female receptionists only a few feet away (whom I had to walk out and hand the cup to, and explain whether there had been spillage or any contaminants). And I'd witnessed dozens of transvaginal ultrasounds, so I was pretty used to this sort of thing.

It really depends on the person doing the ultrasound. Sitting there in silence is probably the worst thing you can do.

I think I will frame this punt/counter punt. It’s one for the ages.  Brilliance personified.  

After watching the highlights from 78-0, the biggest difference is talent on the field, particularly on the D-Line.  Recruiting is the biggest failure of this coaching staff. (Don’t get me wrong, there are other problems too.). I don’t follow recruiting closely, but it seems like our problem may be a program issue which is not going to change whoever wears the headset. 

infolinks sucks donkey balls

Two fantastic bits, plus Raj had a great article as well.

I rarely read this feature.  Is it always this good?

I had that worse of all reactions to a young, attractive dermatologist.  It was terrible, mostly for her sake.  This Michigan football season is worse because it self inflicted and controllable.  Rutgers 28, Michigan 18.  No rest for the weary. 2020 groin kick. 

Funniest damned content I have read on line in weeks.  Imagine:  if Michigan was not as sucky, we the world might never have had the chance to read Bryan Mac's nut imaging story.  Worth it?  Hell no, but a fine consolation prize.  Or actually maybe, since nothing in 2020 counts anyway.

As for Raj's story: a few summers ago I heard a young grad student give a presentation on a biological variation of the Ship of Theseus: essentially that since human cells essentially regenerate over some period of time (7 days? 3 years? I wasn't paying that close attention), we are composed of different molecules at time t+x than were at time t.  But that's minimally important.  The funny thing was I thought I saw her jogging a couple of days later, and the first thing I thought was "wait, is that the same person I saw give that philosophy talk last week?"  (It was funny to me at the time.)

Bryan, it took a lot of Balls to share your story. It was nuts. 

Michigan sucks at football, but we lead the nation in both the number and quality of words written about football. Especially with the quality. Reading content like this column is the most enjoyable element of Michigan fandom these days, and I am thankful for it.

Those highlights make me sad. That team had so much potential, and if they could've just won at Kinnick, they still would've made the playoffs. Really miss the underrated Chesson, Darboh, and Hammerin' Panda.

Sigh.

But when your program's clinical equivalent is an ultrasound of one's testicles, yeah, it may be time to re-examine some things. I hope Warde reads this week's submission.

Excellent punt/counterpunt.

I don't know if it will simply 'go away' as that presumes no changes whatsoever; something i do not see happening. There will be some changes made - the depth and breadth of which are the only questions imo.

The 'Ship of Harbaugh' is an excellent analogy. I will be interesting to see tonight's result versus Rutgers versus the one 4 years ago. This program certainly appears to be Michigan Football - but peel back that glossy veneer and its nothing but a fascimile.

Great job as usual.

Bryan’s piece was especially entertaining. Now you guys know how the ladies feel when we are about to deliver a baby and and everyone but the Pope decides to come in and take a peek. At some point you have just got to get over it.

Kind of like getting over this season. Ugh.

I had the same procedure. Mid 30’s woman tech and I thought please don’t get excited “Tigers baseball, they’re gonna be bad this year, stare at at the blank ceiling, don’t get excited!” Very tough, thinking the opposite thoughts when a woman is normally messing with your junk. 
 

It got easier when I heard the words “bare down like you’re having a bowel movement.” I was no longer excited at that point.

I used to do pelvics in the office ( too many positives or borderlines that required  Gyne referral anyways and then the patient would get TWO pelvics ) I always gave the patient a choice of in the office or referral to Gyne. As expected most of the young women chose a referral to a female Gyne. Oh well, I always had a female witness in the room for a pelvic anyways....

Had a similar ball/leg issue, and also never got a diagnosis, but I had a pleasant conversation during the ultrasound. I was surprised how not weird it was, could have been at the barber. 

I want some of what Internet Raj is smoking.

PUNT: Another Saturday of leaf blowing, with a side of weed trimming on the fences for the last time this season. The place will look pretty great when I'm done, and then I just need to make sure the snowblower starts up and put fuel stabilizer in the mower to be ready for winter. Plus it's a decent day out, and a porch beer will be great.

AB's Saturday 27, Yard Work 14.

COUNTERPUNT: I had all the damn leaves clear, and then the monsoon winds blew juuuust right and I need to work on them again. Pretty much everyone on the block is done but me. And because of the good weather, I have to tend to the fencelines again. Oh well at least there's a porch beer at the end.

Leaves 24, AB's Saturday 23, on a FG as time expires.

If we posit that fall in the northern climes is represented by the changing leaves, then once the leaves are down, is it really fall?

Is it just me, but the worse Michigan plays, the better Punt/Counterpunt is?

I once suffered from an inflamed prostate. When the doctor slipped me the ol’ stinky pinky I shot an epic rope an amazing distance...right onto the sneakers of the attractive female tech witnessing. 

Sometimes I think back to that moment and lament that she wasn’t wearing stilettos. 

Wasn’t the last Rutgers win vs Michigan the exclamation point on a coaching change?

Internet Raj, this comment is way late, perhaps too far past the Sell Date for you to notice. But in case you're reliving past glories—your Ship of Theseus analysis was excellent—I'm passing along something I just read.

Of course our bodies are constantly recycling, cell-by-cell, so your musings apply to our physical structure.

Do our personalities completely change as well? This article suggests they do: https://getpocket.com/explore/item/you-re-a-completely-different-person-at-14-and-77-the-longest-running-personality-study-ever-has

This made my Monday morning worth getting up for.