Nebraska Links: Preview, The Podcast, FFFF Offense (chart), FFFF Defense (chart)

Something's been missing from Michigan gamedays since the free programs ceased being economically viable: scientific gameday predictions that are not at all preordained by the strictures of a column in which one writer takes a positive tack and the other a negative one… something like Punt-Counterpunt.

PUNT

By Bryan MacKenzie
@Bry_Mac

COUNTERPUNT

By Internet Raj
@internetraj

First of all, I’d like to extend a warm thank you to the OG Punt/Counterpunt maestro, Nick Roumel, for filling in for me last week as I welcomed the birth of my second son. And an another equally hearty thank you to everyone who wished me and my family congrats. The last couple weeks have been delightfully chaotic. There are the moments that seemingly freeze time, like when a newborn snuggles into the deepest nooks and crannies of your chest, coos or locks eyes with you. And then there’s the late nights, groggy mornings, shattered REM cycles and piercing shrieks of a nocturnal milk-guzzling organism that still more closely resembles a large Chipotle burrito than an actual human being. Suffice to say, there are a lot of ups and downs attendant with bringing a life into this world, but this is our second spin around this block (our first son was born 2.5 years ago) and we’ve surprisingly taken it in stride.

You see, with your first child, every minute task or event is a pressure-cooker of anxiety, fear and excessive monetary splurging borne out of a constant feeling of insecurity.

“Which baby camera should we buy? Well, this one streams in 4k and this other one only streams 1080p. But wait, this one also tracks your baby’s respiration rate! Wait hold on this one tracks his bowel movements? How else would we know if he pooped?”

“Well now we need a noise machine. Wait, should we even use a noise machine? We want the baby to sleep undisturbed but here’s some European academic research that implies noise machines interfere with newborns’ sleep patterns and stunt brain development…”

“Is a bassinet enough?* Or do we need this fancy hi-tech “smart” bassinet that connects to an app on your phone and gently sways from side to side in a parabolic motion that NASA engineers have precisely deemed to perfectly simulate the rocking by the world’s most loving grandma.”

“Are we sure this stroller provides a sufficiently smooth ride? What’s the suspension system on this bad boy? And the turn radius? Top speed? What if we have to quickly avoid an oncoming twisted-steel death vehicle in a Max Max-like apocalyptic scenario?”

“Is the UV light spectrum on this bottle sanitizer wide enough to kill Ebola, too, though?”

“Have we watched enough YouTube videos on how to swaddle a baby? I don’t think 29 is enough. What if we don’t do it right and he’s not adequately comforted, and it spawns a deeply entrenched trauma that will manifest itself years later into severe adult torment?”

You know that newborns can’t hold up their head, right? Are we supporting his neck in precisely the correct way? If my index finger is off by a mere millimeter he is at risk of a clean decapitation.

 

You can buy a $1,700 Snoo to put your baby to sleep or just make them watch the Iowa offense.

The list goes on and on. And on. The insecurities of being a first-time parent fuel extreme angst and profligate spending, but those issues and concerns dissolve away when you realize that all babies need is love, sustenance, diapers and a crib with lead-free paint. Mostly everything else is a cherry on top.

We’ve fully embraced the calmer, “go-with-the-flow” laissez-faire approach with baby number 2. Hand-me-downs galore, deeply discounted baby cameras bought on Alibaba that may or may not be feeding surveillance back to the CCP and swaddles that are (lovably) folded with the precision of a clearance rack Izod shirt at TJ Maxx.

The lesson is, when you go through the grinder once and make it to the other side safe and sound, you realize you don’t have to stress so much the second time around. Last year, when Michigan made it’s late season march to The Game with a Big Ten Championship and CFP berth on the line, I anxiously fretted away every game.

“Indiana? Oh, that’s a trap game.”

 

“Penn State? A top 25 Nittany Lions squad in Happy Valley? We’re doomed.”

 

“Maryland? Another trap game! Wouldn’t it be classically Michigan to step on a rake one week before The Game?”

And yet, we won them all. And then we marched into The Game and won that. This season, I’ve taken the laid-back approach, savoring and enjoying each win along the way. Expecting wins rather than dreading inevitable losses. This team is great and we all know it. And it’s way more fun (and healthy) to sit back and enjoy the shit out of it.

Nebraska? That’s not a trap game, that’s a stepping stone.

Michigan 41 Nebraska 3.

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*[ED- Don't buy an expensive bassinet. Use a laundry basket. It goes on the bed between you. You get all the benefits of the "baby should be sleeping with you" study without any of the dangers of the "…unless you roll over at night one time" study. Baby appreciates being able to sense both parents so you avoid several middle of the night "Oh shi—where are my parents?" freakouts. Baby is also easily accessible to both parents for midnight/3am feedings without losing bed warmth. And if you need to move around rooms sleeping baby is 100% portable.]

Big sister may add items to the basket.