OT: What do I Tell My Kids???
Dear Fellow Michigan Fans,
After a slew of pretty depressing posts on here yesterday, I started to get a bit introspective and sad, and have now gone to a very dark place. Normally, I am pretty optimistic about life in general, or at least realistic-trending-towards-positive. Yet I cannot seem to shake the blues since yesterday.
You see, my kids are 11 and 14, born in 2006 and 2003, respectively. Neither has seen Michigan football win a national title, of course, and only the oldest was even alive when Michigan won its last Big Ten title. She was 1 year old. What with our below-average results this year and our extremely disappointing 2018 recruiting class, I am no longer sure I will be alive for another Michigan Big Ten title in football, let alone a playoff appearance or national title.
Now, in this dark place in which I have come to reside, I am starting to wonder if my kids will even be alive for it. Even assuming my kids can each live well into their 100s - what with our high level of income and advances in modern medicine (can anyone say Lasik???) - I cannot tell them with a straight face that between now and 2110 or so, Michigan will win anything of note in football. I just can't lie to them and promise them that.
So here is my question: Should I encourage them to stop following Michigan football, or Michigan sports in general? We live in Ann Arbor, so it will be hard. But I could, for instance, really start focusing on the Lions, Tigers and Pistons; they're all perennial winners who never let the fans down. Or soccer seems pretty fun to watch. Maybe we can get really into MLS and start driving from city to city to watch mediocre professionals in empty stadiums? Or maybe - and I am sorry to say this, I really am - we can start following another college with high educational and moral standards. I'm hearing good things about Baylor and Louisville lately, for instance.
Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, your friend,
Fauxmo
November 1st, 2017 at 12:21 PM ^
Everything started to fall apart in 2006. Clearly that one is cursed.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:53 PM ^
The doctor was kidding. Human sacrafice won't help Michigan football. Unless it does. Maybe do some research on the topic.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:08 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:11 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:09 PM ^
Foosball is the devil
November 1st, 2017 at 12:11 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:14 PM ^
That's not necessarily true.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:16 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:16 PM ^
could be adopted
November 1st, 2017 at 12:40 PM ^
If so, which social worker in this state needs to be fired and then ground into hamburger meat?
November 1st, 2017 at 12:53 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:11 PM ^
They are not going to listen anyway. I told my son to wear something visible for trick-or-treating so that cars would see him and he wouldn't get run over, like any responsible parent would do. So he dressed as a ninja, all black outfit with a black ski mask. He did make it home alive, so maybe some things I've tried to teach him over the years have gotten through to him.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:15 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:16 PM ^
what happened to my ecstasy. Sorry about that, but feel free to keep it.
There didn't happen to be an 8 ball in there? I'd like that back.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:21 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:45 PM ^
Just have to say: it's stuff like this thread and the posts therein that make me love this blog. Some of you fuckers are hilariously sick.
November 2nd, 2017 at 12:05 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:12 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:17 PM ^
Your ability to write paragraphs like its a poem is second to none. Every time I have to re-read trying to verify its a poem or not, then I realize you're just trying to write a paragraph.
November 1st, 2017 at 2:37 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 2:40 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 4:43 PM ^
It's quite entertaining.
November 1st, 2017 at 8:23 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:15 PM ^
So I decided to move to Tuscaloosa.
Sure, it's hot, humid, and miserable here almost all the time, and my kids have more teeth than the rest of their classmates combined, but we're seeking some damn good football games!
Roll Tide!
November 1st, 2017 at 12:17 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:34 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:55 PM ^
Most Alabamans don't cotton to damn Yankees, with your fancy book learnin', bringin your high falutin' East Coast liberal elitism to their part of 'Murica.
November 1st, 2017 at 1:12 PM ^
And that we moved to Alabama to escape the horrors of socialized medicine and gun control.
We're fitting right in with these peckerwoods!
November 1st, 2017 at 2:14 PM ^
didn't approve of you and you wivesters special relationship.
November 1st, 2017 at 1:03 PM ^
you better hope your kids cousins move down there also so they can have someone to marry one day.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:15 PM ^
If you think MLS teams play to empty stadiums, you have never been to an MLS game.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:25 PM ^
20,000 seats isn't that hard to fill up.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:35 PM ^
Tell that to the Chargers
November 1st, 2017 at 12:15 PM ^
Dude, it is just a sport. You are not a competitor, just a spectator. It is supposed to be fun and relaxing. If it is not fun, don't do it! Go in with zero expectation, enjoy the show and appreciate the performances. Same thing if you are a competitor, give it your all, have fun and a short memory for failures.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:53 PM ^
Yeah, so... I think you completely missed the joke.
November 1st, 2017 at 4:59 PM ^
Should have read more than the first couple of lines I guess.... That said, prettty crappy post regardless.
November 2nd, 2017 at 12:19 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:17 PM ^
reverse the vasectomy and have more kids!
November 1st, 2017 at 2:22 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:20 PM ^
And OP is already wasting our time with worthless shitposts. Tell your kids that not every team is Alabama and wins are earned. If you can't deal with that, tell them to get into another hobby. I wish I could neg you more than once for posting such stupid bullshit.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:29 PM ^
^ Not just a shitty placekicker!
November 1st, 2017 at 4:44 PM ^
Dude it's sarcasm...go get your meter checked. It was obvious to most of us by the 2nd paragraph.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:20 PM ^
Teach them that winning a championship goes beyond the team and the coaches. Tell them it is their job to badger and berate Harbaugh and the entire coaching staff until they perennially only sign recruiting classes of 22 five stars (if there are that many).
Hey - it's a team effort is what we got to get going here.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:21 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:22 PM ^
I'd be more concerned about explaining the recent outbreak of celebrity sexual harrasment allegations brought on by climate change caused by the russians
November 1st, 2017 at 12:24 PM ^
All those things were caused by chemtrails and gay frogs.
November 1st, 2017 at 12:28 PM ^
Gay frogs however, are news to me. Is that a thing now?
November 1st, 2017 at 12:35 PM ^
November 1st, 2017 at 12:37 PM ^
It's a huge problem. You need to buy a special water filtration system, and about $500 in herbal supplements, to protect yourself. Otherwise the chemicals that are making the frogs gay will make YOU GAY TOO!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH