OT: Your favorite Dad Jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean Beef
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-einated
What do you call a herd of masterbating cattle?
Beef Stroganoff.
all these cattle jokes are giving our cattle low self-esteem. you are mocking our bovine friends....where is the shame?
Some farming dad jokes to cheer you up XM...
"Farmers; always outstanding in their field"
"Farming? I love it from my head...tomatoes"
"Was it easy growing up a scarecrow? No, but hay; it's in my jeans."
"Time to plow? Thistle keep me busy all morning"
"I lost my daggum hat. Don't worry, it'll turnip"
I've herd these before! In fact, I liked them so much, I put them in my cattlelog!
What happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence?
"Udder" Destruction
Why is it so hard to teach a cow? Because everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder.
My youngest and I were just having a competition for worst joke that still has a tiny bit of humor. My winner:
Where do trees live?
In a tree house.
Sorry.
I am Groot?
Not really a joke but a perfect dad moment for me.
My daughter told me she saw a possum that was 3 feet long.
I told her that was impossumable!
I will show myself out.....
spectacular
What's red and bad for your teeth?
a brick
Dad: "You hungry? What do you want to eat?"
Me: "I feel like a sandwich."
Dad: "Huh, you don't look like a sandwich..."
Classic
Kid: "I'm Hungry"
Me: "Nice to meet you hungry, I'm Dad."
Someday it will get a laugh.
person 1: Please pass the salt
person 2: Pass it? I don't think I can even swallow it.
What do you get when your canary flies into a fan?
Shredded tweet.
If I’m having a heart attack, I don’t want a defibrillator. I want a defibrinow!
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A Megasoreass
What about a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotopuss... You're welcome.
And a lesbian one.
Lickalotapuss.
bostonsix is a better Dad than you by one minute.
That’s what she said?
I just fall asleep one minute earlier
Underrated
What do gay horses eat?
Haaaaaaaaaaay
Did you hear about the Italian chef? he pasta way.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten Tickles.
Where does a woman with one leg work? IHOP, That's an easy waitress to tip.
-Person 1: what's a pirates favorite letter
-Person 2: Rrrrrrr
-Person 1: You think so but it be the Sea!
And the waitress is named Eileen.
Last one reminds me:
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out the front of his pants. He's got a frustrated scowl on his face.
The bartender says, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?"
The pirate says, "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Skeleton walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me a beer, and oh yeah, a mop."
This one definitely made me LOL.
Aye (I)), some say it's the R (arggh) but it is the sea (c) we love
What do you call bears with no ears?
B
What do you get if you stand between two llamas? Llamanated
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Did you hear the one about the airplane. Never mind, it's over your head.
Did you hear about the circus fire in Indiana?
It was in tents.
This might be the worst thread I've read. I was looking forward to some good jokes and I walked into....this.
I don't get it.
Its a Skyscraper, that turns into a Robot.
Two Spartan fans walk into a bar, the Michigan fan ducks.
A guy frantically runs into a psychiatrists office screaming:
"I'M A TEEPEE, I'M A WIGWAM! I'M A TEEPEE, I'M A WIGWAM"
The Psychiatrist says:
"CALM DOWN! You're two tents."
What did the blanket say when it fell out of bed?
Oh sheet!
Anybody want a hurts donut?
Anybody that says yes gets a noogie as I say “hurts don’t it.”
The 6 year old doesn’t fall for it as much anymore. Three year old keeps asking for the donut. I laugh every time.
Not sure it’s my favorite, but the one I used earlier today...
You know how birds sometimes fly in a V formation?
”yeah”
You know why sometimes one side is longer than the other?
”why?”
Because there are more birds on that side.
Too good!
Why don't Buckeye fans drink Kool-Aid?
Cause they can't figure out how to get two quarts of water into the tiny little package.
Knock Knock
whos there?
broken pencil
broken pencil who?
Ahh never mind, it’s pointless
Q: How do you catch a unique iguana?
A: Unique up on it.