Which stage are you in?

Submitted by LongLiveBo on November 14th, 2009 at 4:12 PM

7 Stages of Grief...

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.



November 14th, 2009 at 4:15 PM ^

I'm in stage 5 - starting to adjust to life without my loved one.

I managed to walk away from the game in the 4th Q. I ran an errand, and am now getting some work done.

This is big progress for me. Two years ago, every single loss had at least a two day hang over. Now, I am becoming functional again.



November 14th, 2009 at 4:20 PM ^

There is zero sense dwelling on the past.

Just have to keep moving forward since there is nothing that can be done to change what happened. The nice thing about sports is you can only lose the game once, no matter how many times you replay in your head.

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, the present is the gift we must cherish"

I miss Spring Lake

November 14th, 2009 at 4:33 PM ^

I seem to have been ranging from 4 to 7 in the last couple of weeks, but after today it's much closer to 7 as the season is coming to an end.

[EDIT: Although, now I'll be EVEN more focused on following recruiting... and bargaining quite a bit.]


November 14th, 2009 at 4:26 PM ^

Somewhere between 6-7. The loss today had me completely resigned, I threw out a few sarcastic comments about the crappy BTN announcers but other than that let it be. It's time to just be patient and let them improve without worrying. Every major program has gone through this, even us (although we had a nice streak going). My biggest fear is that someone will pass us in all-time wins or win percentage before we recover, so here's to ND whiffing it for the remainder of this season and for Texas to whiff a little at some point in the near future.

That doesn't include next week though -- we have some business to take care of.

Go blue, beat the Bucks!

The King of Belch

November 14th, 2009 at 4:35 PM ^

I've witnessed (and lived among) a set of fans who Michigan fans have NOTHING on when it comes to sinking emotion, self-worth, and identity into a sports program. Nebraska fans. They were the worst--and this was before Tom Osborne finally broke through.

But afterward, when they began their slide under Solich (which was nowhere NEAR this), it got really ugly--you just couldn't even talk to them.

Then came Callahan, and by the end of the first year under him--they were laughing at the team and themselves. And the roads and streets were never again empty on gameday, not matter who the opponent. Stores remained busy, restaurants did so--and most telling, BARS weren't swamped all Saturday long anymore.

Life had returned to fall in Nebraska.

And they are very cautious with Pellini--nobody is calling anyone a "Dick" on their own little bratty blog--if they disagree with Pellini's hiring (even with solid results in the first two years).

So they went through it all--in spite of the fact that outside their football team, probably only about 17 people in the rest of the world even know that Nebraska exists.


November 14th, 2009 at 4:38 PM ^

Sadly, I thought I would be at the acceptance stage after last week, but I guess I'm still stuck at #4. I think I would've jumped to #7 with a close loss, but letting up 45 points is disheartening.

I also have a hint of denial because I cant stand to lose to OSU next week. I'm hoping Pryor will win the game for us.


November 14th, 2009 at 4:43 PM ^

I'm frustrated, angry, and depressed. Unfortunately, it will be *years* before we have a defense that will allow us to meaningfully compete.

I'm okay with the O because Tate is good and will get better, and it seems we have competent replacements for Rage and Brown. Maybe we'll move Denard around so he can really make something happen. Hopefully some of the freshmen and redshirts can step up on the O line next season.

In the meantime, some M supporters, fanned by the media, by questioning whether RR should be fired after this year or next year, are destroying whatever chance we have of getting new recruits that will allow us to have a competent D. Would you want to sign with M now with return of the talk about firing RR? Also, if RR is fired after two or even three years, do you think we will be able to find a top notch replacement? So, I am very angry at M fans that are inadvertently sabotaging the future of the program by questioning RR's future.

I never thought I'd see us in this position.


November 14th, 2009 at 4:51 PM ^

I go through all the stages after each loss, then repeat the cycle again. I always have great hope the night before the next game after each loss. I think I am going to skip the acceptance & hope stage this week, until Michigan wins the game so that way, I can find great acceptance&hope after the Wisconsin loss during the final seconds of the Ohio st game instead of going through this twice, in case a loss occurs next week.

I think a little pee might come out if Iowa wins today though, and that will help with my grief today.

Let's bring it on...the greatest rivalry in all of sports.

Bobby Boucher

November 14th, 2009 at 4:53 PM ^



November 14th, 2009 at 4:53 PM ^

I was extremly upset last week but going into these last two games it was apparent that we were the 3rd most talented team. I was encouraged by the play of the guys today. They got after it and didn't seem to let up. Next week is a new story, however, tOSU is going to be the most talented team we play all season. It would be a miracle scenario if we win.

MMB 82

November 14th, 2009 at 5:00 PM ^

The game played out pretty much as expected, we were overmatched by a superior team and I can live with it. I have reached the point where I have been DVRing the games so that I can watch more efficiently and waste less time on these beautiful fall weekends. For reasons expressed by many here before, the team is still under construction with too many inexperienced players, and we will have to be patient to see them get back up to form. I feel RR has the team heading in the right direction, it's just that the process will take longer than many of us had hoped, but maybe not expected.....GO BLUE!

Maize and Blue…

November 14th, 2009 at 5:13 PM ^

I have seen more losses in person the last two years then in the rest of my life combined. I still believe in RR, but he has got to start winning some games in conference. Things can only get better right?


November 14th, 2009 at 5:34 PM ^

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong


November 14th, 2009 at 5:54 PM ^

I reached 7 the day after the Iowa game. I thought back to the last years of the Carr regime, and remembered with some difficulty the sense of doom that I felt before each and every game. With few exceptions, football wasn't fun then, not for me. And it's not fun now, but ever since Iowa I'm living for the time when it will be. I still have faith. 2012 here we come. (not sarcasm)


November 14th, 2009 at 6:17 PM ^

...yes it can. BG gone. Stevie gone. Warren maybe gone. Our two or three of our best players gone. On the bright side (which is unfortunately greatly outweighed by the dark side), Roh, Campbell and Martin should get even better.

Twisted Martini

November 14th, 2009 at 7:03 PM ^

I was at the Oregon game and watched Dennis Dixon and Jonathan Stewart pants our defense. The pantsing continues to this day, and hopefully will get better next year, with a little experience and repetition. The O looks good and the O line will be better with Q dog, Scofield and Lewan in the mix, not to mention Stokes and Gallon, Gardner, etc. Go Blue, maybe the Buckeyes will be so partied out next week that we can hang one on 'em.


November 14th, 2009 at 7:22 PM ^

I had one top shelf Long Island last night and I was up most of the night with severe acid reflux. It subsided somewhat today, but the loss has reduced my optimism to all-time lows.

With alcohol as a NON-option, I'm firmly at no. 4.

I feel like I'm lock in a room with no doors or windows and I just want to get out.

Honestly, right now, I'm not looking forward to going next week. Things will be better as the days pass.

Moe Greene

November 14th, 2009 at 7:31 PM ^

Immediately after the game? Stage 4.

Now (7:24pm EST Sat night) with the prospect of the Tresselpocalypse coming to town?

I'm back to Stage 3, as my gangster heart hates them with the fury of a supernova.

Verily, for now and always, I remain all in.