OT - Johnny Manziel sued for sexual assault (may be a joke)

Submitted by UMClassOf2018 on May 23rd, 2014 at 9:43 AM

According to many sources on twitter, new Browns QB Johnny Manziel has been sued by someone named Samantha Schacher for sexual assualt. She is seeking $25 million and a restraining order. 

This seems pretty serious... until you read what was written in the report. Either Johnny is the biggest idiot ever, or this girl could write a Hollywood comedy.


EDIT - Apparently, the suit itself is real, but whether or not it was filed as a joke, or if any of thise is true, remains to be seen.



May 23rd, 2014 at 9:49 AM ^

Two things:

1. She is not going to get $25 million for what amounts to emotional distress.

2. This is definitely not real. I stopped reading at the Christmas part because no functional human being would think that is a good idea. 


May 23rd, 2014 at 1:09 PM ^

That is literally one of the most funny things I have ever read.

Also, she really wants to hammer home the small penis point doesn't she? Part of that has to be true doesn't it? Otherwise she would open herself up to a countersuit based on slander. 

Finally, if anything does come of this how long until First Take is debating whether or not 4 1/2 inches erect is really that small? #EmbraceDebate

Sac Fly

May 23rd, 2014 at 10:56 PM ^

This may end up being fake but before you dismiss it, remember that people do crazy things when the little head is doing the thinking.

Brett Favre for example, ruined his reputation and almost ended his marriage leaving creepy voicemails and sending weenie pics to a girl he had never interacted with before.


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:06 AM ^

The woman "accusing" Manziel is Samahta Schacher, and a woman with that exact same name and address is a CNN contributor and co-host on Dr. Drew's show.  So this is most definitely a joke that someone filed.


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:07 AM ^

The suit is filed in the name of a personality on CNN's HLN channel, and the Atlanta address on the envelope is CNN headquarters. I'm pretty sure this is a bad joke, filed by some prankster who will be lucky to avoid sanctions by remaining anonymous, if he can do so.

Perkis-Size Me

May 23rd, 2014 at 10:12 AM ^

Of course she'd wait until after he gets drafted to file the suit. If it actually did happen, I hope she gets the justice she deserves, but regardless, this kind of story doesn't come as a surprise at all.


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:16 AM ^

Can you actually mail a motion to a court? Seems odd to me. This document is stamped by the court and apparently has a case number assigned, but that doesn't mean a judge will act on it if nobody shows up. 

TRO's are really easy to obtain if a judge has any reason at all to believe someone may be in danger, since they are temporary, after all. But I'm pretty sure someone has to show up in court to obtain it, you can't mail it in. 


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:19 AM ^

I can tell you, there are some very disturbed people out there. This one went as far as to file suit.

The real question, where are the exhibits with Johnny and his hot dog bun?


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:31 AM ^

While this is clearly a joke, I would laugh if this ended up actually getting Manziel in trouble because he feels the need to prove he's bigger than 4.5 inches.


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:41 AM ^

In my opinion, sexual harassment and sexual assault are not things to joke about. Whomever this is ought to be unmasked and vilified.

Sure, it's funny ha-ha. But if it has actually been filed, the court has to at least address it, and headlines like the one here on the board show up. It may initially ding Manziel, but ultimately the people who get hurt are real victims.

Every spurious claim of harassment or assault impugns the character of people who have truly been victimized, and that is disgraceful.


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:51 AM ^

Agree.   Also, this "joke" will cost tax payers thousands of dollars just in administrative costs associated with getting the case dismissed.

Whomever filed this better get their checkbook ready... of course, I assume the 15-minutes of fame they will get will be more than worth the price of sanctions


May 23rd, 2014 at 12:30 PM ^

Someone said on the Internet is will cost thousands of dollars, so it must be true!

Come on.  It's not going to cost thousands of dollars.  Someone with knowledge of the court system please let us know how quickly this thing gets ignored.

Maybe they schedule a date and a judge immediately throws it out.  What's that an hour of total combined man-hours between the clerks, the judges, etc etc etc?

The FannMan

May 23rd, 2014 at 1:06 PM ^

The Court will likely read it and have the same reaction as everyone else - this has to be a joke.   

The Judge will then schedule an conference/hearing of some type at which the Court will determine if this is a joke or real.  So, if it's a joke, it will take about an hour or two of the Court's time.  If you want to go nuts and add the hourly costs of the judge, staff, postage, heating the building, etc. then it may reach the 1000s.  However, the taxpayers pay that regardless.  In reality, if this is a joke it will be quickly addressed and the incremental costs will be low.

Here is the thing - every judge I've ever run into takes their job pretty seriously,  They do not appreciate seeing their Court used to pull funny little jokes.  If this actually got filed in a real court (and is nothing but a joke) then the person who filed it will face some heavy fines and/or contempt charges.  By the time you cournt those fines, the Court may make money off of this.


May 23rd, 2014 at 1:58 PM ^

Exactly... so MGoBender's idea that "Maybe they schedule a date and a judge immediately throws it out. What's that an hour of total combined man-hours between the clerks, the judges, etc etc etc?" is completely off base. 

Nothing in law takes "a total of one man hour."  The costs associated with docketing alone would surprise you.

And there is no such thing as "immediately" in the courts.  And every filing, hearing, docketing, argument, ball-scratch costs money... it adds up.




The FannMan

May 23rd, 2014 at 2:32 PM ^

Exactly,  this will be over quick and, aside from a few admin costs which the "plaintiff' had to cover with her filing fee, this will amount to nothing.  Johnny Football's lawyer might have to sit around for an afternoon, but that won't hurt the taxpayers who will make money off of the fines that the judge will levy.

See, I ignored everything you said and pretended that you agreed with me. This will be a phone call, a scheduling order, a dismissal, about 15 miutes of the judge yelling at the person who filed this, and an order sanctioning her.

Or it will be a real case that will ruin Manzeil because if any of that is true . . . yikes.


May 23rd, 2014 at 4:12 PM ^

I seriously doubt that a judge will end up spending any time whatsoever on this case.  The fictitious "plaintiff" filed this without paying a filing fee, and without requesting a waiver of the filing fee.  In that case, the court can review the case before it's even technically "filed" and dismiss it out of the box if it's determined to be frivolous -- as this case obviously is.  This can be done in a few minutes through a form order.  In fact, since this case apparently was filed by a "frequent filer" who likely has been enjoined from further filings without leave of the court, this case might not even get a cursory review before it's tossed as filed without the proper leave.


May 23rd, 2014 at 10:54 AM ^

Not sure how much he already has on this, but here is something possibly of note for the board discussion (tweet 1 of 2 supposedly, although I didn't see 2/2)...



May 23rd, 2014 at 11:04 AM ^

I used to work in risk management and have to look up any lawsuits filed against our clients before approving relationships. I came across this one totally crazy frequent flier. She would sue everyone for discrimination and her briefs would always include all these conspiracy theories, including stuff about aliens. I wish I could remember her name. I wasted a lot of time that day reading some of them.


May 23rd, 2014 at 12:35 PM ^

Our boss found himself a co-defendant with Obama recently, luckily the guy who filed has no idea how service works.  

(boss is a small business owner of a job that isn't even remotely connected with either politics or any politician, let alone Obama).  


May 23rd, 2014 at 11:08 AM ^

Sadly the "joke" isn't even that funny. It was written as if a 13 year old did it. Terrible grammar. Nonstop penis jokes. I'd put this up there with filing a false police report if it indeed was submitted to a court.

Actually. Assuming fake, Manziel should counter sue for defamation and give any winning proceeds to sexual abuse foundations/programs


May 23rd, 2014 at 12:30 PM ^

a great idea to me.  


But hey, if you can't go to court on an intentional infliction of Manziel's small penis claim then what good is the US court system?


May 23rd, 2014 at 12:39 PM ^

or the person is crazy (or both). It's sentence after sentence of unbelievable things that seem more likely to be from someone who is trying to defame Manziel than someone who even met him. Just constant 'bombshells': Manizel smoked pot. Manziel got gifts. Manziel this. Manziel that.

I give it 5 Fakes out of 5