Martha Stewart officially destroys tailgating

Submitted by Blazefire on October 26th, 2012 at 12:34 PM

[ED:BISB - Changed title to avoid gender war, which the women would win because they have better attention spans and the ability to turn any argument into a slightly different argument that they can win]

Edit: I suppose I should clarify, becuase we have some excellent women on this board. Women that read Martha Stewart Magazine and save Good Housekeeping's for years so that they don't forget that "cute christmas wrap idea" have officially ruined tailgating. The rest of you may go about your business.

Link taken from EDSBS.

No, dammit. No, no, no, no, no. A tailgate is not a time to go all Martha Stewart. It is not a time to plan a fall afternoon of "activities". There are three activities at a tailgate. Eat, Drink and watch/listen to football while waiting for the game to start.

DAMMIT, Women! This is why we can't have nice things!

This, this is what you are envisioning.

This is not a tailgate. It is a fall dinner party. Schedule it for any day but Saturday, and we men will happily attend, make polite chatter, and then recuse ourselves to the basement/den to wath baseball or preseason NBA games while you do your prattling.


Beer, chips, meat, chairs and football. LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE, DAMN YOU!


Guy who had his last football Saturday ruined by a group of women who complained he wasn't "participating". I had my beer and my eyes on the TV. That is how you participate in a damned tailgate! Not by doing the friggin christmas name-draw!

</ huffiness>



October 26th, 2012 at 12:55 PM ^

One of the comments in the replies to the story included something that I can definitely imagine at Southern Tailgates...

"100-300 arguments ensue over ACC quality. GF argues that Duke's WR's could 'torch' WVA's dbacks. Since she went to Alabama she will of course know their names and hometowns."

Actually, the whole comment thread for the article is pretty funny.

Feat of Clay

October 26th, 2012 at 12:54 PM ^

I went to college in the South.  I wore a dress to every tailgate.  Only a complete brute of a man would show up to a tailgate without coat and tie.

That scenario probably  has Big Ten folk aghast, but on the plus side there was often very good bourbon available.



October 26th, 2012 at 8:12 PM ^

The Macallan 18 is my favorite spirit of all time. I like Bourbon, too, and Irish whiskey for good measure. I'll take just about any barrel-aged, distilled spirit from grains. The flavors of vanilla, oak and caramel are always high on my list. 

Went on the Kentucky Bourbon Trail just this week, in fact. Stopped at Four Roses and tried their three whiskeys sold here in the U.S. (yellow label, small batch and single barrel). I was fairly impressed.


October 26th, 2012 at 1:02 PM ^

I encourage proper dress, in fact. After all, one does not want to be mistaken for a slovenly hobo while drinking outdoors.

Just don't ask me why it's so important that I get the signal in for the noon games when we're going to a live game at 3:30. And more importantly, don't glare at me when you're trying to chat me up about new landscaping ideas and I respond with a grunt and a comment on WVU's defense.


October 26th, 2012 at 1:01 PM ^

I'd rather be kicking it in the the above picture than the below picture.

The above picture looks sensual.

The below picture looks boring.


October 26th, 2012 at 1:14 PM ^

I'm not so sure what's wrong with all this. Once you get past "mandatory" flag football or Bacci ball (oh, and I'll concede the decorations sound terrible), you have:

  • Cheese quesadillas (with guacamole and sour cream)
  • Veggie platters with dip
  • Chips and salsa
  • Make-your-own-fajita station
  • Hot chocolate

That doesn't sound terrible to me. The food is pretty much in line with what I would expect to see at a backyard family tailgate, although none of my drinks of choice are represented. Maybe I'd prefer some more barbeque, but if the alternative is fajitas you won't hear any complaining from me.


October 26th, 2012 at 3:43 PM ^

If I'm at the game I'd rather be eating brats and burgers (actually I'd rather be eating some kind of pork, but whatever), but I'm not sure how fajitas and quesadillas suddenly got less manly because it's a fall Saturday. Also, if you don't like chips and salsa or some vegetables and ranch...I don't even know, man.


October 26th, 2012 at 3:47 PM ^

Right up until "make your own fajita station." At that point, I had visions of white coated waitstaff, and little finger foods, and china. Also, stemware. Also, nothing called "crudite" should ever be allowed at a tailgate. Sure, I get that they're cut up veggies, but still...


October 26th, 2012 at 3:53 PM ^

When I say "make-your-own-fajita station" what that usually means for me is putting the crockpot full of venison steak, onions and peppers on the counter with tortillas, a bag of shredded cheese, a tub of sour cream and some different hot sauces out on my kitchen island.

And you now have me thinking about a make your own fajita station tonight, dammit.


October 26th, 2012 at 5:07 PM ^

I'm not so sure what's wrong with all this.

I'll tell you what's wrong.  Nowhere does it mention beer or any actual watching of football.  This is what happens when you mix the Martha-Stewart-esque desire to have phony perfection in everything you do, with the same attitude responsible for the creation of "woman-caves."  The people who try this sort of thing with the expectation that it'll actually work are the same people who were the only ones not having having fun at their wedding (despite being the bride) because shit didn't go down exactly has planned.


October 26th, 2012 at 1:22 PM ^

I have no use for tailgaiting (not that I make it to games much).  I don't like to eat before games because I'm always a little sick to my stomach during them, and I don't like being distracted by anything a good hour before kickoff (and then during the game, of course).  The team needs my total focus.*


*That's crazy?  No, you are crazy, and I'll thank you stop projecting your voice into my head.   


October 26th, 2012 at 1:27 PM ^

I think it's a marvelous idea to decorate the tailgate table with "fall colors." Because that's what people like! I also like to "line my veggie bowls" with lettuce, because again, that's what people fucking kill for. And what a wonderful idea to serve grilled cheese quesadillas, which of course are a staple at all pre-game festivities! This is precious! I can't wait to play Baci Saturday all goddamn day before the Michigan game! I'm going to kill everyone at Baci!!! In other words, THANK YOU MARTHA!!


October 26th, 2012 at 1:30 PM ^

Guy who had his last football Saturday ruined by a group of women who complained he wasn't "participating". I had my beer and my eyes on the TV. That is how you participate in a damned tailgate! Not by doing the friggin christmas name-draw!

You win the internet today - LOL.

Creedence Tapes

October 26th, 2012 at 1:41 PM ^

I thought this post was going to be about how Martha's amazing recepies have turned average tailgate into a delicious one. Not even sure how the link you entered has anything to do with Martha Stewart, she is not even mentioned in that article.


October 26th, 2012 at 1:51 PM ^

Martha Stewart is from Westport, CT and this article is in the Wesport Patch.  I'm assuming that's the connection that the OP was making.

As for the artcile, I've been enjoying it and the comments all week since Jason Kirk tweeted about it on Monday.  I went to college in the town next to Wesport and this type of party would be very typical for the residents of Connecticut's "Gold Coast".  As others have noted, it doesn't sound like a bad party, just not a good tailgate.  Also, in my opinion you can't have a tailgate at your house.  That would be considered a BBQ.  Without a car there is no tailgate.


October 27th, 2012 at 9:47 AM ^

To be fair, this is probably a bit unfair to the actual Martha Stewart -- she would do a better job than this. For one, like the OP, she'd recognize that the decor (and attire) should be about fandom -- I'm not quite sure what tasteful fandom looks like, but I'm sure she would be happy to show me. I think it might involve pennants. Second, I'd hope she'd recognize that to be a "tailgater," you'd have to hold it in your driveway, not in the backyard.


October 27th, 2012 at 10:29 AM ^

Martha would probably expect the guests not to wear the jerseys and bright colors of their teams, but rather "tea stain" white t-shirts to "celebrate the colors of autumn."

And if you want to know how I know what "tea staining" is, here's a clue: Michael's is my wife and daughter's favorite store on earth.

Creedence Tapes

October 26th, 2012 at 2:14 PM ^

I usually check mgoblog compulsively, every 37.3 seconds, unfortunately I actually had some work to get done in between 12:34 and 1:41, so I was a bit late to the tailgate party.


Regardless, Martha Stewart recepies get a +1 and are welcome at my tailgate. You [blazefire] shouldn't treat women like objects, man.


October 26th, 2012 at 2:17 PM ^

This has nothing to do with treating women like objects. He said they destroy tailgates, which requires agency. How can you treat something like an object while simultaneously affirming its agency? Not all instances of misogyny are instances of treating women like objects.