Freep reports UP not sure it's staying in Michigan (MGoSatire)
[Ed-M: Bumped because I'm still laughing]
Upper Peninsula can’t be sure it’s staying in Michigan
BY MARK SNYDER
DETROIT FREE PRESS SPORTS WRITER
The Upper Peninsula said all the right things.
It said it would “definitely” be back next year. After all, it is geologically attached where it is, and already has the Mackinac Bridge connecting it to the rest of Michigan.
But the UP will investigate other options.
Once caught in the middle of a Michigan-Ohio recruiting war over Toledo (who later proved to be one of the largest busts in history), the UP was lured away from Wisconsin with the promise of being part of an actual state. Things in Wisconsin have changed since then, however, and the UP may find the attraction of a living, breathing NFL team, as well as Bret Bielema’s musky man-scent, to be too powerful to resist.
The UP has been a valuable asset to Michigan. Once a source of lumber for paper mills and the iron that eventually fed Detroit’s automobile industry, the UP has recently put together an impressive collection of Indian casinos and even taken a Hollywood turn in “Escanaba in da Moonlight.”
However, the presence of Mackinac Island on its southeastern border has become an irritant. The overwhelming odor of horse feces and fudge can be a powerful repellent, and may push the UP toward the greener pastures of Green Bay.
The UP said Sunday it will be back. It was understandably emotional. It has since been unreachable for comment, as the invention of the telephone has not yet progressed that far north.
I believe, as of now, it will return to Michigan. When it makes the decision official, Michiganders can exhale.
Until then, even the UP can't be certain itself.
Contact Mark Snyder: [email protected].
Editor's note: A previous headline on this story named the Upper Peninsula a part of Canada. This version is correct.
do you think they all went to the UP ?
Well played sir. Hilarious.
Awesome. You hit one out of the park.
You, sir, are a great american.
This was just plain dumb. I want my 90 seconds back.
March 22nd, 2011 at 10:37 PM ^
HA! I can read faster than you.
March 22nd, 2011 at 11:20 PM ^
Your avatar is weird.
+1 would read again! very nice OP
Editor's note: A previous headline on this story named the Upper Peninsula a part of Canada. This version is correct.
Editor's note: A previous headline on this story named the Upper Peninsula a part of Canada. This version is correct.
I know that Snyder is trying to be funny. I just would like to point out that Michigan already had the eastern third of the UP before the Toledo War and that no part of a state can break off without permission from the state government...fat chance.
Double fault!
I laughed, I cryed, then I wet the bed.
We need to stalk the UP's Twitter and Facebook like mad.
March 22nd, 2011 at 11:16 PM ^
instead of flight tracker, we need to fire up the Ford Pickup Tracker for this one.
All these trolls are getting us yoopers down. Other kind of trolls.
We yoopers are a proud people!
March 22nd, 2011 at 10:03 PM ^
Are there any people who aren't proud ? I mean even even Buckeyes are proud of tOSU, and you can't hunt worth a damn in Colon-umbus.
This is like QUEBEC, except without cannuks. And without the language thing. And without the millions of politicians with nothing better to talk about. And, uh, well nevermind.
March 23rd, 2011 at 12:56 AM ^
Just to say your post was truly inspired. The Freep is always worth a laugh. Why I read it everyday is anyones guess.
I started boycotting the freep, and found that after awhile I totally lost interest in them. So now, I just don't bother with them. They'll be gone in a few years, anyway.
March 24th, 2011 at 12:06 PM ^
Annex UP to Canada
Signed, Suspect hygiene and use of the non-word "eh"
Growing up in Wisconsin I always wondered why we didn't get the UP
\missing the point
March 24th, 2011 at 11:02 AM ^
Back in the 80s I did a stretch in the Soo (where it was still the 70s) and one of the hot topics of discussion in the ice fishing shacks and unemployment lines (this was pre-Indian Gaming Act of 1986) was whether the UP should secede and become the 51st state, which would be called "Superior."
As a 11-year-old newb from Massachusetts with no understanding of the relationship between the Dong and the MItten I remember asking one of my hockey coaches why the UP wanted to secede. He said-- and this is a genuine quote-- "So we can do things our way."
I had absolutely no idea what that meant but from the way he said it I figured I should pretend I did. He seemed to really appreciate that.
Excellence in Concept & Execution
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