How do I survive a business trip to Ohio?

You are a MICHIGAN fan.

Gird your loins and be a man about it!

Unless you are a woman, in which case...

Gird your loins and be a woman about it!

I live here.

Suck it up.

Hookers. Last time I checked they just take cash, not ID. Being a "business" trip though DO NOT try and expense more than two per night. Most companies are cracking down on that now. Also, get a receipt. 

1.  Find the corner of Main and 1st Street;

2.  Look for a Tibetan man in a trenchcoat holding a possum;

3.  Approach the man and offer him a lefthanded handshake;

4.  While holding the man's left hand, ask him the following question: "Do Adam's Apples Aggregate Annually?"

5.  If he says "no," you will be fine, and you should go about your business as if you were in Michigan;

6.  If he says "yes," you must kill him immediately (do not bother hiding his body), drive back to Michigan as fast as you can, and erase anything and everything that proves or even suggests your existence - or at least as much as you can destroy within 24 hours.  After 24 hours, move to Prince of Wales Island in Northern Canada and hope you are never found.  You will never be able to return home or even leave the island.  I'm sorry.   

Tell anyone that crosses your path that you're "a fucking jackhammer!"

I thought I'd get away from it in Kansas, but the first guy I see when I leave for work is the only guy in my apartment who's a big OSU fan. He's at least one of the nice ones. 

play in continuous rotation

Without compromising your identity as a Wolverine. They will not expect that. Here is a nice story about a kid anyone can appreciate. http://espn.go.com/blog/bigten/post/_/id/114285/ohio-state-fan-with-mus… Michigan also participated in the Coach to Cure event for the Minnesota game.

I was doing some work in Ohio this morning and had to deal with some Bucknuts...all OSU alums and people I know well  I congratualed them, said good game and that was that.  They did appreciate the acknowledgement although I was kind of throwing up in my mouth a bit.

I'm back in A2 now and all is well....and no f**king red.

I had a bit of a change of heart about OSU fans.  I was flying from Columbs to Cali a few years ago when we were playing Florida in the NCAA tournament.  I was sitting near the front and had on a Michigan sweatshirt.  The flight was full of Buckeyes, and almost to a person, they wished me good luck as they were boarding.

I hate that they won, but there is respect embodied in the hate.

This is not RCMB... don't spend so much time worrying about them and it won't stress you out as much.

Take advantage of the situation -- go into a bar, find some sloppy drunk Buckeye fans, act like you give a shit about OSU football, then drink as much alcohol as they're willing to buy.

My job is done here.

poop in a cooler, you'll fit right in.

stop caring.

Try to convince yourself you're an anthropologist from the future trying to determine what life was like during this time by visiting Ohio.

Should at least be good for a few laughs.

about NASCAR, WWE, Fishin', or Huntin'.  Say "BRO" a lot, like Meathead Rob Lowe.  Get a chain wallet.  Put some Skoal between your cheek & gum, and carry around some spit in a cup.

Adopt the mantra of Cleveland fans:  There's always next year. 

Quit your job

like an old hunter s. thompson novel.  fear and loathing in ohio.

Drink heavily when you're there, and shower thoroughly when you come home.

Should be clear enough message to leave you alone.

May need to repeat daily, if the smell gets worse than normal.

Get a hooker off of backpage.  Make her wear all of her OSU gear (you know she has some).

You figure out the rest.