The Other Elephant in the Room

There is one question on everyone's mind after Michigan's loss yesterday in Madison. No one has risked voicing it, perhaps because of an understandable reticence to reflexively apply a similar query, broadly conceived, so I risk doing it here, on MGOBLOG. Here it is: 

To what extent does Michigan's ignominious loss yesterday make me, Marvin, a lesser human being? 

In the exploration that follows I refer to two biblical passages, both of which have been enormously influential in the evolution of Protestantism (apologies to my Papist readers), but which are often taken as oppositional – at least in terms of their exegetical lineages. You’ll find yourselves delighted , however, when you find that at the conclusion of my modest proposal I makes the surprising claim that both arguments can be overcome when we think of yet another passage from the everyone’s favorite Old Testament book, Deuteronomy!

What follows I offer in the spirit of frank, candid, humble inquiry. 

Text 1: "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth." (Hebrews 12.6)

From this text, which of course has long been a favorite of adherents to the Calvinist lineage, we see that God’s grace is not evident in those for whom life offers little in the way of trial and hardship. To the contrary, for the Lord to “receive” you – (in other words, for my predestinarian readers, to “have grace”) you must indeed undergo a series of “chastenings” or “scourgings,” in effect punishments for the sinful flesh we all must occupy during this brief period of penance we undergo in this life. From this premise we must assume that Michigan’s loss yesterday was yet another trial for Marvin, a painful “scourging” that I might well take as a sign of my status in the eyes of God. In other words, I can find solace in the fact that yesterday’s drubbing was evidence of my state of grace, and hence I am not a “lesser person” (as I say above), but rather a patient suffering victim of Adam’s sin, which God has justifiably found loathesome in me and punished accordingly.

Objection: Care must be taken, however, lest this passage be applied too literally. It would seem to indicate, for example, that for the likes of Alabama or Clemson, abiding success equates to the absence of God’s grace, for their “chastenings” have been scarce. As we all know, both Clemson and Alabama represent the very quintessence of Biblical salvation, thus we can conclude that the text does not apply. Conversely, Art Briles has been repeatedly scourged, and he is obviously the living embodiment of God’s damned. He will sit on the left hand at judgment day, and this is beyond dispute.

Text 2: “Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified” (Romans: 8:30)

Here Marvin laments. In this text, which was the very basis of Calvin’s notion of “predestination” (the belief that God has a select few who are chosen before time for the kingdom of Heaven), we see that “glorification” might well be viewed as evidence of our “justification” – or our status as members of God’s elect. Michigan was not glorified in any way yesterday; the game was a sustained assault on Marvin’s hopes and dreams for the 2019 football season, and he (me/I) still lives under a black cloud of despair. There was no “glory,” in other words, for Marvin, but rather or vast hole where glory should have been. Here we might think of Galatians 3:10: “For He offereth thee not glory, but a glory-hole, like a yawning charnel maw, for thy sufferings justify thee not.”

From this text I conclude that Marvin is, in fact, “a lesser human being,” and that Dabo Swinnites and Sabansians are bound for Heaven. Inconsistencies that I notes above are thus removed, which is one possible merit of the second perspective in my inquiry.

Objection: One could well argue that since I watched the game on a high definition big screen television with friends and family, all of whom partook of my delicious barbecued chicken drumettes (bounty!), I was glorified by virtue of the plenty and ease that surrounded me during the game. Michigan’s loss was merely a tangential event to the experience itself, which offered no legitimate hardship in the eyes of God, but rather a “sign” of my justification.

Conclusion:

I’ll conclude now (apologies for the brevity of my inquiry) with a passage that may offer solace to us all. I know you were all waiting for this passage, so I deliver it in the spirit of joy and triumph. Of course it’s Deuteronomy 30.4-7!

“If any of thine be driven to the outmost parts of Heaven, from thence will the Lord they God gather thee, and from thence will he fetch thee. And the Lord thy God will put all these curses upon thine enemies, and on them which hate thee, which persecuted thee” (Deuteronomy 30:4-7)

TAKE JOY! Do not lose faith Michigan fans. Like Job, we should retain our faith and rail not against God for the sufferings of Michigan football, for faith in the program will be rewarded – perhaps not this season, but in seasons to come. I’ll end then, with this gem from the book of Exodus: “Stand still and see the salvation of the [Michigan football]” (Exodus 14:13). Whether our Moses is Jim Harbaugh or not remains to be seen, however, as this board has repeatedly averred over the past 24 hours.