OT - Summer Plans?
Has anyone made any summer plans to make up for being limited the last 12-14 months?? Got anything fun going on? Professionally, personally?
I live in the DC area (northern VA) and flights to Paris are about half price & many have no change fees if purchased before a certain date. Business class to Paris is about $1200 and trips to Dubai are $750 last I checked. I'm going to try to take a trip before the end of summer.
(Can we do this without delving into a debate on covid & vaccinations perhaps?)
April 20th, 2021 at 10:37 AM ^
I've committed myself to mastering the game of croquet
April 20th, 2021 at 10:42 AM ^
Getting married in June. Was supposed to do the damn thing last year but we delayed because of Covid.
Any husband advice I should absolutely know about before I sign my life away?
April 20th, 2021 at 10:50 AM ^
Happy wife happy life. Congratulations.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:55 AM ^
Nailed it.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:54 AM ^
Communicate, even when it is hard, just do it.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:54 AM ^
Don't try to win arguments. Especially in year 1.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:58 AM ^
Ever. You win, you lose. You lose, you lose. Better to avoid it altogether. 39 years in June.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:21 AM ^
So true. Just enjoy when you know you are right in slient celebration. There is no winning.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:21 AM ^
So true. Just enjoy when you know you are right in slient celebration. There is no winning.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:48 AM ^
So true, I upvoted both times!
April 20th, 2021 at 11:04 AM ^
YMMV, of course, but there's pretty good research that shows that--perhaps counterintuitively--lots of little fights and arguments, even about stupid shit, is more predictive of a happy, long-lasting relationship than biting your lip over and over again and letting things build up.
If your wife does a thing that really grates on you, and you never say anything about it, it may build up to the point where you explode and then you really have a problem on your hands. Much better to get it out early and often and make your feelings known. This is, obviously, advice for both men and women, in straight or same-sex relationships.
Check out the Gottman Institute and Jonah Lehrer's A Book About Love for the science.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:50 AM ^
This isn't arguing - it's communication. What you said is absolutely true, but not all communication results in an argument (otherwise, we'd all be screwed).
April 20th, 2021 at 12:14 PM ^
No, of course. But I think the counterintuitive point is that avoiding communication so as to avoid a fight or an argument isn't actually better in the long run. So yes, you shouldn't approach everything as a fight but the idea is that a lot of little arguments and fights is better than apparent peace followed by huge blowups.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:58 AM ^
I love my wife, and love hanging out/living life with her. I also need time to myself and really enjoy it. Take care of yourself mentally and physically
April 20th, 2021 at 11:01 AM ^
It always comes back to you and her. She needs to feel like you are 100% on her team. That doesn't mean no disagreements, but that DOES mean "we" and "us" is equivalent to "me" and "I" in a lot of ways. Remember most of what you do does have a ripple effect that extends to her. Be good, do your best, and work to make her happy; when times are tough, show her how much you mean it by staying the course and continuing to try to make her happy and being good and honest and decent. It goes so far. Communicate and speak with honesty. Being a Michigan Man already puts you a step ahead, now go out there and make us proud! (I wish I had a son LOL)
April 20th, 2021 at 11:08 AM ^
Could not agree with the team concept any more strongly. Coming up on six years of marriage with wife number two. Lots of differences between wife number one and wife number two but none bigger than wife number two is a phenomenal teammate while wife number one was not.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:15 AM ^
"Yes Dear" is always the right answer.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:59 AM ^
That is an EXCELLENT way to go broke at the speed of light.
April 20th, 2021 at 12:54 PM ^
Maybe, but at least you'll get to sleep at night.
April 20th, 2021 at 12:16 PM ^
Coming up on my one year in July. Here is what I will say:
-It is never you vs. her, it is you and her vs. the problem.
-Don't do anything (mostly chores) you don't want to do the rest of your life.
-Don't get too comfortable just cause you're off the market. Keep trying to better yourself and keep things interesting.
-Don't get too comfortable just cause you're off the market. Keep trying to better yourself and keep things interesting.
---Bingo!
April 20th, 2021 at 12:22 PM ^
Congrats. Here are a few nuggets I've picked up in 18 years.
Couples that eat together and sleep together, stay together. Put down the electronics and go to bed at the same time whenever possible.
Cook for her. Fancy restaurants and date nights are cool too, but she'll appreciate cooking and cleaning far more - especially if/when kids come into the picture! "A wife never started a fight with her man while he was doing the dishes."
When you're making big decisions/purchases, share a vision with a long time horizon. Ask yourselves what is best for the two of you 5+ years down the road. "How does this help us get where we want to go together".
Most important - Let her vent, listen to her, and show her empathy without always being quick to suggest a "fix" for what troubles her. I struggle with this one. Many times just the process of venting and feeling some empathy and love is all she needs, and the "solutions" I offer derail that process and somehow make her feel like I'm talking down to her/discounting her emotions by inserting logic into the conversation.
All of the above advice is great. These nuggets of wisdom however will carry you a long way. Wonderful advice!
April 20th, 2021 at 12:52 PM ^
The people you are today aren’t the people you’ll be in 10, 20, 30 years etc...
You’ll either evolve and grow together or you’ll grow apart. As many others have said communication constantly is key and keep investing yourself in the relationship. Choose it every day like it’s not a guarantee just because you put a ring on it.
coming up on 10 years this year and I wouldn’t recognize either of the people we were a decade ago.
congrats on your wedding and wish you a long and happy marriage
You obviously want to have as much agreement as possible, but if you both cede some turf to the other on the inevitable disagreements, you will avoid 90% of the big conflicts.
Prenup
After seeing what some family members have gone through, I am not sure how this gets negged as it is literally one of the best pieces of advice that can be given to protect both men and women but wtf do I know i've been married 23 years.
All good advice, except I would say don't be a "yes, dear" man. I think women respect men who have opinions and are assertive. If you're too much of a pushover, it could have the opposite effect than you intend. Also, money seems to be a source of a lot of marital issues so make sure you communicate when necessary about those issues. Every couple is different but both sides have to be invested in this part of the marriage.
Any husband advice I should absolutely know about before I sign my life away?
Not so much husband advice as Covid wedding advice. I got married last September in a small outdoor ceremony. What was originally planned as a 130 guest wedding turned into a 50 guest version. My biggest advice is keep your wedding expectations realistic. This is probably easier for you than your wife, but lots of guests, particularly the older family members, may elect not to come due to Covid if your venue has not already limited your numbers. Even younger people won't come for reasons you wouldn't expect. Several close friends that lived out of town wouldn't come because they couldn't get anyone to watch the kids because the grandparents couldn't due to Covid or one parent had to stay home, etc. This will undoubtedly get frustrating and people will put off RSVPing "No" until late. Stay the course and focus on what's most important...marrying your future wife. And, maybe take the extra money you save on a smaller reception for the honey moon or a down payment on a house :)
Congrats. Just make sure he's gentle with you.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:43 AM ^
Two vacations planned. Key West and Mackinac Island.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:15 AM ^
Going to Key West in June. Haven't been in 31 years and my wife has never been. Pretty excited about it.
April 20th, 2021 at 12:51 PM ^
We went to Key West about 8 yrs ago. Drove to from AA to Orlando then drove to KW. Did return trip to AA in 2 days of driving. The mid point time-wise was around Atlanta fergodsakes!
Went to Key West in January. It was like there was no pandemic other than masks indoors. The restaurants are all open air and the streets and bars were packed. Somehow also have some of the lowest Covid rates in the country. Go figure. They do have (did have?) a universal outdoor mask mandate which no one was following. I think that is no longer in effect.
"... other than masks indoors ... restaurants are all open air ..."
And, ding-ding-ding, there's your answer.
It has been known for a long time that outdoor air (even at relatively small distance) is way safer than indoor air. It's one of Florida's secrets.
Three types of COVIDiocy that drive me crazy (just part of a long list):
- People that get jumpy if you get closer than six feet outdoors but happily cram themselves into crowded Sizzlers as long as they can stay six feet from the next table.
- Temperature checks.
- An obsession with surface cleaning. This has been called "hygiene theater."
I'd like to tell some of the outdoor maskers that their over-correction in that area is making it hard to reach across to the idiots who refuse to wear them anywhere.
We going to Sizzler!
My favorite is people wearing masks while driving alone in their cars!
Have fun at Mackinac Island! It's truly a hidden gem, and seems like most people outside of Michigan have never even heard of it. Such a charming little destination!
April 20th, 2021 at 10:46 AM ^
1) Going in mid June to the OBX for the first time in my life. Amazed I’ve never been.
2) A week and a half afterwards the wife and I are taking a weeklong trip up to New England. Two days at Mount Washington in NH, two days in Providence, and then two and a half days in Boston. I’ve been to Boston several times but never RI or NH so that’ll be fun, but it’ll be the first time we’ve ever been away from our son overnight. He just turned nine months old this weekend. His grandma and grandpa will be driving up to watch him for us so we’re happy about that, but it’ll still be a little tough being away from him for that long. Still, I think we need it. We’ve hardly had any time to ourselves since the day he was born.
April 20th, 2021 at 10:56 AM ^
Congrats! I can't wait for something like this to break for me and the wife, I think next year maybe we can do something along these lines. Either way, it is important to remember that you and the Mrs. were there before sweet baby and will be there after. It is important to look out for your relationship and its health in order to offer the proper example of what love is like for the children, and I think that gets forgotten a lot, at least in my experience. Hope you have fun!!
April 20th, 2021 at 11:01 AM ^
That sounds great...I can't remember our first overnight without the kiddo. Needless to say it hasn't happened in awhile. We have 2 now, and no family in the immediate area so not sure how long before we get a break. It's amazing how a few hours just to yourselves can make a world of difference. I would try to find another couple in a similar situation and try to give each other one Saturday night each month to let the other couple go out.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:02 AM ^
We feel the same way at times, but we only have 1 and we have a hard time letting her go lol
April 20th, 2021 at 12:00 PM ^
Wifey and I are hundreds of miles from family, and live too far out in the sticks for close friends/neighbors to watch the kid for a bit. Consequently, we haven't had a break from him ever. And by 'ever', I mean not one single night without him since he was born - 10 years ago. We've had a couple of date nights, but those are exceedingly rare.
One thing I cannot listen to is family telling me how hard they have it raising kids. When I visit Michigan, they complain about being tired. The say to a sister - 'hey, I'm going to the store, watch the kid for a minute...' They can drop off the kids for a weekend away. I don't get to say/do that, so I'm not interested in how hard people think have it when they have family to help.
It's a simple thing to take for granted, and I understand that we put ourselves in this fairly unique position. By all means, take advantage of the help you have! But don't complain about having it...
April 20th, 2021 at 12:28 PM ^
Couldn’t agree more. We don’t get to go out without the little one very much (we’ve been out to dinner without him only twice and those were for either my wife’s birthday or our wedding anniversary). We love the little guy to death but we miss having time to ourselves.
COVID definitely had a hand in this as well. It’s made my wife more wary of finding a babysitter since we don’t know who they come into contact with, and then our daycare was originally offering date night sitting where they’d offer to watch your kid one Friday per month so parents could have a night to themselves, but they completely shut that down due to COVID and we’re not sure when/if they’re bringing it back.
But yeah, time to yourself is absolutely crucial.
April 20th, 2021 at 11:10 AM ^
Newport, RI is just down the road from Providence and a lovely spot to visit if you have time.
April 20th, 2021 at 12:06 PM ^
That's the plan. We're renting a car and doing a lot of driving on this trip. To me that's kind of half the fun. Newport is definitely on the list.
I used to live in Newport as a kid and return every summer for a week or so. If you want some "local" tips, I could give you a fun itinerary, anything from sailing on an America's Cup boat to watching international polo, to wineries, best sunset spot, etc.
Also, if you have the time, Cape Cod and the islands (Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket) are close by (but probably only if you have a few extra days).
More than happy to take any ideas or recommendations that you have. Right now our only plan for when we're in Providence is to drive to Newport and see some of the old houses, but I would be happy to hear about what else we could do in the area.
We thought about Cape Cod and MV, but I don't think we're going to have enough time.
If it is an option, hit Newport during the early part of the week. In the summer, it gets busy Friday through Sunday, but even during the week, there is a lot going on. Check out discovernewport.org for events going on the week you are there. If you are planning to see any of the mansions, I would definitely say the Breakers (my father was director of the Preservation Society so I've been in all the mansions too many times to count), and while you are there, you can access Cliff Walk (access point between Salve Regina College and the Breakers). Head south on cliff walk (that would be to your right as you get on cliff walk), Unless you are a up for a three mile walk (plus return), walk as long as you feel like, then head back.
You will drive down Bellevue Ave, which has all the mansions (the Breakers is off of Bellevue but easily found) and as you come to the end, it turns into Ocean Drive, which is a great road along the ocean with spectacular views (the house with eight chimneys is Jay Lenos), and toward the end of the drive is Brenton Point state park, which is a free parking area overlooking the ocean. Stop here and get some frozen lemonade from the Del's Lemondade truck. As you get back onto Ocean Drive just a few hundred yards is the entrance to Castle Hill. This is an inn that runs about $1000/night, but you can sit in Adirondack chairs on the lawn and eat outside on the patio. Dinner is actually reasonable considering the views. My go to is arrive, put our name in for dinner, have a drink on the lawn, then watch the sunset while eating dinner. It can get cool in the evening if it is breezy, and the sun sets a lot earlier since it is the east coast.
Pop in to Fort Adams State Park for a great view of the harbor. Park and walk out to the point for a view of Narragansett Bay to the north and the Atlantic Ocean to the south. To get out on the water, there are sunset cruises on schooners or motorized boats like Rumrunner, which leave from downtown. Well worth a narrated harbor tour to learn some of the history and famous places. A great lunch place is Belle's Cafe, located in the Newport Shipyard, near the welcome center. Don't be intimidated by guard at the gate; it is open to the public. While there, you can walk around the docks and see some amazing boats.
Much of downtown Newport is very walkable (and often faster than driving through the warren of one way streets). You can park at the welcome center and walk down America's Cup Avenue and Thames street. The wharves, Bannister and Bowen's wharf have great restaurants and shops. Our favorites are The Mooring (order a Bag of Donuts (seafood cakes) as an appetizer), or Midtown Oyster Bar, but the Pearl has outdoor dining, Candy store is open air and Diegos if you like Mexican. Newport Winery is just out of town in a suprsingly nice location despite being on the main road. Greenvale winery is in a beautiful buccolic setting in Portsmouth (Newport is on Aquidneck Island that has 2 towns and is about 15 miles long so no place is too far).
If you want to see older houses, or dine in the oldest tavern in America start in Washington Square. The White Horse Tavern has been in continuous operation since the 1680's and is just off the square. The houses in that area (at least ones the British didn't burn) are all of the early 1700's vintage. It is where they filmed Amistad. Head south out of Washington Square, a block up from Thames street, for histroric hill, full of these old houses.
I'm scratching the surface and you may have your own intersts. But Newport is the best for dining, shopping, sightseeing, and walking of any place around. You may want to spend more than one day.
I know I’m behind the eight ball on replying but this is great info. Thank you so much!