OT - please send good thoughts for a dying friend

Submitted by thejonner02 on January 14th, 2023 at 8:14 PM

Folks, I have a good friend who's dying in the hospital from liver failure. Evidently he's been secretly drinking for years and no one knew. Feeding tube is in and fluid is being drained. It's breaking my heart and I know he'd benefit from some positive MGoVibes and MGoThoughts. Is that cool? I'm just feeling helpless with this whole thing.

Rendezvous

January 14th, 2023 at 8:32 PM ^

Dealing with the death of a loved one is not easy. I know, as I have now been dealing with it for 14 weeks. I did have the advantage of ten years knowing that my wife's cancer might inevitably kill her. But due to her near death experience as a child, she knew what was coming and that it is infinitely better than this world. Her knowledge and belief helped get me through, and that's the advice I give to you: your friend will soon be in a better place, as trite as it may sound. 

After he is gone, or even now, take a few moments to be thankful for all the positive things about his life and his friendship. Write them down, and refer back to them when you need to. Share them with him, too, if you can. And then go on living your life as he would want you to. My wife and I talked about this frequently. We had a philosphy when she was still here: live life while you are alive. Although there were many days in the past year when she barely had enough energy to get out of bed, when she did have the strength, we tried to take advantage of it, going camping, gardening, going for drives through the countryside, eating ice cream together. And now that she is gone, I'm doing my best to keep on living while I am alive, even though it isn't quite as much fun as when I was sharing it with her. 

You are going to have some struggles over the next few weeks or months: what could you have done? why didn't you notice his drinking issues? why are you still here when he's not? These are normal. Your friend isn't the only one in need of positive thoughts and vibes. You need them, too.

Here's hoping that his end comes as easily as possible, and that you, too, will find peace.

Joined: 03/29/2019

MGoPoints: 3519

lmgoblue1

January 14th, 2023 at 8:50 PM ^

Your courage is heartwarming. Your lovingly written message here melts my hard heart. I don't know you but I want you to know that you touched at least once person. My heart breaks for you as it has for so many of my friends who have lost loved ones and I have too but not the one I cherish most. I am so blessed as you were and are. She was amazing and so are you. God Bless you friend. She knew and you know a reunion awaits on God's time.

 

Joined: 10/27/2012

MGoPoints: 12403

Rendezvous

January 15th, 2023 at 8:55 AM ^

My wife, too, was drawn to learn about NDEs as an adult, but long before she was diagnosed with cancer. She read every book about them she could get her hands on, and much of what she read confirmed her own experience when as a child she nearly drowned in the ocean. She made an effort to participate in online groups to answer questions that other people had, and she made sure that those around her knew she was DNR. She told me, "If I die and somebody brings me back this time, I'm going to be pissed!" Although she was only 61, she knew she was ready for the next great adventure when her time came.

Joined: 03/29/2019

MGoPoints: 3519

907_UM Nanook

January 14th, 2023 at 8:42 PM ^

I'm sorry for the shocking discovery, and the sudden realization that you're losing your friend. Positive energy to get you thru this time, and to the other side of acceptance and appreciation for your shared friendship.

Joined: 04/01/2018

MGoPoints: 15241

Darker Blue

January 14th, 2023 at 8:42 PM ^

My best friend died of Liver Failure about 7 years ago. He had struggled with both Heroin Addiction and Alcoholism for years when he passed. He was only 34.

I'll never forget the last time I went to see him in the hospital before he died, I walk into the room and homeboy is like hey you gotta check this out. So me being the curious idiot I am I walk over to the bed and he pulls the covers back to reveal testicles that were swollen to the size of grapefruits. A joker right up to the end.

Im very sorry you're going through this. Addiction is a motherfucker. 

Joined: 10/30/2011

MGoPoints: 80446

fatpete

January 14th, 2023 at 8:46 PM ^

I pray God's blessings on your friend and his family.  I pray that he has knowledge of Jesus' presence and that he will never be alone. 

Thank you OP for this sensitive reminder of the more important aspects of life. 

Joined: 09/22/2012

MGoPoints: 6769

LSAClassOf2000

January 14th, 2023 at 9:03 PM ^

Positive vibes sent. If I could give a hug, I would, man. Drinking has affected my family - myself included - in rather dramatic ways, so unfortunately, I have some idea of what you're experiencing now.

Joined: 01/07/2011

MGoPoints: 130636

Team 101

January 14th, 2023 at 9:19 PM ^

Matty is fortunate to have a good friend like you.  Take comfort in that you made his life for the better.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Joined: 04/15/2013

MGoPoints: 38025

Sidepaluofm

January 14th, 2023 at 9:20 PM ^

Sending prayers to be with it all, love to your friend and ease as you navigate his transition. Ty for being willing to share and post here. You are not alone. 

Joined: 02/11/2011

MGoPoints: 349

Wolverine In Iowa 68

January 14th, 2023 at 10:14 PM ^

My deepest sympathies and condolences to you, your friend, and families.  Today would have been my infant daughter's 16th birthday, so I truly do grieve for you in this difficult time.  Loss of any loved one is tragic.

Joined: 07/16/2015

MGoPoints: 55986

Bill Brasky

January 14th, 2023 at 10:20 PM ^

Stay positive, my friend. Know that Matty will be at a better place. Try to be positive and enjoy this precious time with him.

 

When I’m down in situations like this, I pray. It gives me peace and comfort. I also listen to music. Here’s one of my favorites for sad times like these:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dguz0IsCuKU

God bless Matty and god bless you in these tough times. 

Joined: 06/28/2018

MGoPoints: 6226

Maizinator

January 14th, 2023 at 10:48 PM ^

It's a beautiful thing that this virtual community can provide support in difficult times.  Thoughts are with you and draw strength from the collective experiences of so many on this board that have been where you are and gotten through it.  Take care, friend.  

Joined: 12/11/2013

MGoPoints: 98503