OT: How is everyone doing mentally?
So just curious how everyone is handling this stuff from a mental health prospective? I have been working from home and am kinda of an introvert anyways so I was doing ok mentally. However my wife decided to leave and go and stay with her mom because we are having issues that essentially boil down to she wants a kid within a year and I told her I was not comfortable with having a kid in that timeframe until we see the entire fallout from this thing economically, etc. She pretty much seems dead set on divorce if I don't change my mind. Needless to say the last couple of days have been tough mentally.
I'm literally going insane.
I have to put my dog to sleep. Still working long shifts at 911. I’m mentally drained and pretty quick to anger. I’ve snapped at a few coworkers. My behavior is deteriorating to the point where I’m hoping I catch this virus and roll the dice on my life.
I'm sorry about your dog have been down that road and have 2 myself...they're family
Sorry about your dog. That just adds to the stress of the whole deal. I had the same things happen this week. I've snapped at co-workers, my wife and my mother-in-law (who we're living with temporarily). Last night I thought the same thing as your last sentence. Terrible place to go mentally. Stay strong my friend, we will get through this somehow.
We had to put our dog down 3-4 months ago for aggression issues that we tried every remedy for before making that decision. I still think about him and that decision we made every day. He was an amazing dog the other 95% of the time.
My dog is getting put down for the same thing. She has bitten my daughter three times and is very unstable in general. We’ve tried everything from dog behavioral specialists to medicine.
On top of it, I’m still sending my kid to daycare and potentially exposing her to this shit. My wife works in the hospital and we cannot make other arrangements. I’m just drained. I’ve spent most of the day in tears and I do not cry. I’m in a dark place.
Hang in there.
Don't know where you are; I'm north of Denver. If you're not too far away, let me know how I could assist.
The first time my dog bit my daughter was the last time he bit my daughter.
Hang in there, CR.
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your dog. My heart goes out to you.
Not good. Basically some guy in China ate a bat a few months ago and now I’m unemployed.
that's a hell of a "yadda yadda yadda."
In like October.
The Chinese gov't covered it up.
The Chinese gov't retaliated against doctors who tried to sound the alarm.
The Chinese gov't reports no more deaths even though their incinerators are running 24/7.
Now you're unemployed.
Fixed it for the obtuse.
Hang in there Mayne.
Thank u for ur service
Ben from season 3 of Ozark.
I'm only through episode 4, but I have a feeling he's going to be a factor in the rest of the season...
The wife and I just finished episode 8 last night, after he confronted Helen and her daughter.
No way in hell he lives through this season.
He actually just walks away and starts a private giraffe zoo in North Dakota. He is the Giraffe King.
We binged through the final episode last night. I think it's the best season so far.
We may start over from the beginning, too. I think it's up there with Sopranos and Breaking Bad.
After watching, VEEP is a good mood re-setter.
I feel for you, OP. Nobody should ever be on the receiving end of a life-changing ultimatum in the best of circumstances. And, well, these ain't that.
I have lost interest in many things that I need to have interest in, like a class I am taking. Totally isolated here, as I live alone. I think in some ways I am handling things well, as I know we have no choice and it is what it is. Yet there are other aspects that make me think I'm a mess.
Sorry to hear about your marriage. Does she realize that if she chooses divorce she may be pushing back her timetable on having a kid? Or do you see her hooking someone quick & still pregnant ASAP? I'm guessing there are other problems? I'm not much of a relationship guy myself... haven't had a date in about 3 years or even got to a second date in a decade.
I brought up that exact point to her as a way to reason with her. And yeah we have had some issues prior, namely she got involved in some inappropriate messaging, etc a couple of times with people. I forgave her after contemplating divorce.
Sorry to hear of your struggles. Major depressive disorder is my baseline status, so this situation is not exactly an improvement. I went way out of my way to get groceries yesterday, just because I missed driving and being alone with my thoughts for a bit.
Regarding your situation, it sounds like you may already know what you want to do here. Contacting others inappropriately carries a range of interpretations, but I'd be more concerned about her taking off in the midst of a crisis like this. And if her priority is having a child versus remedying whatever may not be working in your relationship, well, that pattern won't go away after the kid arrives.
I get it, marriages are tough, and you've been through a lot with her already. At the most basic level, the secret to marital success is to not want the divorce at the same time. Since she's away, maybe express your concerns about everything in a letter and mail it to her. Hopefully she'll respond in kind, and the two of you can figure things out accordingly.
Good luck. Go blue.
Sorry to hear that, both me and my wife have had our own struggles with depression and anxiety issues so I definitely empathize with all of that.
I agree with Vladimir on this. I'd add something about the text exchanges though; that's a very bad sign to me. Trust is key in any relationship, but it goes a lot further than that. It's hard to say much more without knowing your situation (which isn't possible). Just think very carefully about whether this is someone you want to share the rest of your life with. If there will be lingering trust issues, that is tough to overcome.
Sorry you're dealing with this right now.
it would be one thing to have this issue about the child without the multiple infidelities. but as timmmaay says, the trust issue is huge. and texting like that is infidelity, at a minimum emotional infidelity, and the deceit and secretive nature that it would take to carry those things on. thats beyond red flags. then she leaves the marital home? more red flags.
sorry you are going through this but in one very cynical sense, its better that it happens now than if/when you have a child with her. hang in there.
After having gone through things myself as I described in an earlier post in this thread, let me say this: you cannot be more correct, XM.
If you're having marital issues and in the middle of an extremely stressful worldwide pandemic that is heavily impacting you personally at work and there is an ultimatum on the table to have a child--that really sounds like the exactly worst time to have a child.
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough go--please find a center where you know that all of this will work itself out and remember to go back there when it gets really bad. All things pass.
Marriage was invented by people that died of old age in their late 20s.
Fights between my wife and I are more common. Kid is bored out of her mind and acting out because she hasn't been around anyone within 10 years of her age in the last 2 weeks. It's not ideal but we will do the best we can to make it through. You are in a tough spot, serious question though were you 100% on board with wanting a kid before any of this happened? If the answer is yes I think you'll soften your position. Otherwise you have to ask yourself if this magnifying doubts you already had about wanting to be a parent.
I was undecided to be honest. I still feel like we are not financially in the spot I want to be in, we bought a house for the first time in September and it is kinda of a fixer up that needs some work, and if I'm being honest if I look 30-40 years in the future I am not sure I want to subject a child to potential fallout from climate change, etc.
Tension between couples and families is going to be magnified right now. I also think it's easy to worry excessively about long term decisions because people's financial health is really unpredictable. A month ago I would have said I'd be retired in 15 years and now I wonder where I'll be employed in a year. If you have reasons to doubt whether you want to be a parent and questions about a relationship I understand not wanting to place huge investments into it - which having a kid does. I think you need to sort out whether you a) really want to be a parent (it's completely ok to not want this you just can't be with someone who does b) whether you think this is the relationship you want to bring a kid into (from your above comment it sounds like you have reasons to doubt this). Good luck to you, things aren't as bad as they seem right now though, I really believe that.
I really hope “etc” is doing a lot of work here. Fallout from climate change is a batshit insane reason not to want to have a kid.
Yeah I kinda agree with you there. Looking at it from her perspective, if "fallout from climate change" is the type of thinking for most (or any, really) of your reasons to not have a kid, then I think it'd be hard to not see that as making excuses. She probably just thinks you don't want to have a kid, but refuse to tell her that for whatever reason. OP should really consider (apart from all outside factors) whether they truly want a kid or not. Obviously that's a big life decision, but if you don't think you're on board then it might be time to move on. I'm sure staying at home has caused you both to overthink the situation a little, so hopefully you can both take some time to really think about it while you're apart. It certainly doesn't seem like a great time to try to start having a kid, but I hope you can both figure out what you want.
Eh, I included it last because it is down on the list of things I am worried about. In the more immediate timeframe I really just want to see what all the fallout from COVID amounts to. I thought it was just going to be a recession initially but there are some economic experts out there predicting a possible depression. And like someone else said I'm not sure even in 10-12 months a hospital is going to be a place you want to be at.
@carolina blue: agreed, but I don't think pointing it out was all that necessary. No?
I’m sorry to hear about the issues with you and the wife.
That said- as a father to two fine young strapping boys, don't let something beyond your control (and something debatable, at that) like climate change influence your decision.
-all the best and go blue!
Sitting here admiring glean from my shower walls...
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. That sounds really fucking hard to deal with.
I'm doing OK, but my wife seems to be not well today. Unfortunately, when she's mentally unwell she retreats into herself and claims to be "fine" while giving everyone the cold shoulder. Usually that makes me mad, but I'm trying to be understanding.
I’m doing great. This is super. I’m considering painting my house orange. My wife was breathing too loud this morning. My cat is plotting to kill me. The washing machine is having an affair with the dryer and I don’t approve.
You might not know it yet, FauxMo, but when you check your kitchen drawers and cabinets you'll find out: the dish ran away with the spoon.
We already knew that. Your Alexa posted it all over social media after you wandered around the house mumbling under your breath for a few hours.
Wife got furloughed last Friday.
Been playing a healthy dose of 2Pac's Fuck the World in my office while I work. Stayed up drinking Tito's until about 2 AM last night.
My job is safe right now as long as politicians don't decide to sign idiotic legislation that will completely bankrupt the insurance industry.
I'm wearing a new hat every day to count days in quarantine. Kind of like a prisoner scratching the wall to count days in captivity.
I had never heard of "Tito's" until this week. Obviously I'm not a big drinker and never drink vodka.
Good stuff.
Made in USA!
It gets looked down upon for that and because of its name.
But I'd argue the people that knock Tito's wouldn't if they had a blind test -- not that regular 'ol vodka has a ton of taste anyway.
I have created many new Tito's loyalists. Even my friends who do not like vodka, or had that "vodka night" in college, like Tito's. Whiskey is my favorite, but Tito's is my go to vodka. I'd put it up against any other vodka out there.
I find Tito's makes the best dirty martinis too. The oily, peppery, palate is perfect for it.
I'm enjoying the isolation part, but I'm starting to freak out about my physical health, as I have a bunch of symptoms, but not fever, and I feel like I probably have a mild case, or the beginnings of COVID. Or else I just got fucked by getting a normal cold during the middle of a pandemic.
This is me, exactly. Probable allergies are kicking my butt, but low-level asthmatic symptoms for over a week are freaking me out since I've never experienced that before with allergies. No cough, no fever. I'm not a hypochondriac, but I've taken my temperature at least twelve times in the last five days when I feel slightly flush. I've been a steady 96.5-97.3 (I typically run cold).
Well I lost my sense of smell and taste last night, so things have gotten kinda serious over here. Luckily I'm not in the US so I was able to get tested today.