Elliot Mealer's Beard (dotcom)
A friend and I were commiserating about the 'Bama loss via email, then the conversation turned to this:
ME:
[Perenial rant about how we are becoming Notre Dame and how I am powerless to stop it]... However, DO NOT underestimate The Beard.
HIM:
Yes, it would be a mistake to underestimate Mealer and His Beard. ElliotMealersBeard.com is available. It is yours for the taking.
$8 later...
ME:
$8 later, done. What to do with it now?
HIM:
You don't "do" anything with ElliotMealersBeard.com. It grows on its own.
Touche.
But seriously, what do I do with ElliotMealersBeard.com? I don't really have the time or creativity to give The Beard it's full due, and I'd hate to see it linger, like a dead folicle on a less manly man's face. So sad.
Right now, as you can see, I just have it set up as a Tumblr, with a photo that I think really gives you an idea of the inherent power of The Beard and it's potential. What could you do with That Beard? Please tell me how you would make it grow. Right down there in the comments.
Act quick, before Gilette gives him a million dollars to shave it on live TV at halftime of the championship game, in which we certainly will not be playing.
September 5th, 2012 at 1:26 AM ^
"One Beard to Rule Them All" is enough reason to maintain a fine website like ElliotMealersBeard.com.
September 5th, 2012 at 1:36 AM ^
Until you have definite plans I'd cut the text and just use pics of the beard
Then you can pass it off as artistic or something
September 5th, 2012 at 1:45 AM ^
The text is funny.
I think you need to conduct a series of interviews:
1) International beard competition spokesman (there is such a thing, but I cannot recall the name).
2) A homeless man. Ask him about the mystical powers of the beard and such. Give him five dollars.
3) Brock Mealer
4) Elliot Mealer himself
September 5th, 2012 at 9:25 AM ^
Definitely need to add a full-frontal pic. That semi-profile shot is nice, but it does not do the interwoven intricacy of The Beard due justice.
September 5th, 2012 at 10:44 AM ^
I definitely don't want to see the full frontal pic.
September 5th, 2012 at 2:10 AM ^
In case anyone was wondering, the URL is http://www.ElliotMealersBeard.com/
September 5th, 2012 at 3:45 AM ^
I probably would have opted for something a bit more fairytale-esqe, such as: TheBeardOfElliotMealer.com
September 5th, 2012 at 6:52 AM ^
Allegedly.
September 5th, 2012 at 7:21 AM ^
September 5th, 2012 at 7:21 AM ^
you should talk to the folks at mustaches for michigan (if they still exist). there is a synergy between the two of you that gets my beard tingling.
September 5th, 2012 at 10:26 AM ^
Hey don't leave me out! My website is www.michiganthemedbackhair.net.
September 5th, 2012 at 8:41 AM ^
It should be an hourly diary written from the perspective of the beard.
And you should spell his name right.
September 5th, 2012 at 9:02 AM ^
Beard's Log: Hour two of the gefilte fish saga. If my master is going to eat something that smells like my cousin Curly, he should be more careful to get it all in his mouth. As I sit covered in decaying fish, I plot my revenge...
September 5th, 2012 at 9:46 AM ^
reminds me of this
September 5th, 2012 at 9:13 AM ^
What's the Beard's name? I like the idea of writing from the beard's perspective.
Talk alittle abit about how you came to be, and how you started to become suspicious of Elliott's intentions for you, so you worked out a deal with the SEALs to encourage Elliott to maintain it for at least the season.
September 5th, 2012 at 9:22 AM ^
September 5th, 2012 at 9:24 AM ^
I can't wait for football season to start.
September 5th, 2012 at 9:40 AM ^
Beard tourney, with the fallen bearded laying by the wayside, including the Brawny Man (so demoralized, that he shaved his beard); Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard; Brian Wilson; etc.
September 5th, 2012 at 10:11 AM ^
According to twitter, at least one campus squirrel is fantasizing about nesting in it.
September 5th, 2012 at 10:24 AM ^
September 5th, 2012 at 11:56 AM ^
I knew The Beard was powerful -- EVEN MORE POWERFUL THAN MY MISPELLING OF HIS NAME!
I've rectified the situation, and in a few hrs, the site will become http://ElliottMealersBeard.com.
Now if I can only get that Full Frontal...
And I promise pointing Hokes. Seriously.
September 5th, 2012 at 12:10 PM ^
My usual beard classification:
A) Epic
B) Awesome
C) Sweet
D) Standard
E) Weak
F) Lame
G) Fail
Mealer and Brian Wilson are clearly Epic. I would be a Fail (indicating a complete inability to produce anything resembling beard-like substance).
September 5th, 2012 at 12:30 PM ^
Brett Keisel = Epic
Sidney Crosby = Lame/Fail
September 5th, 2012 at 1:45 PM ^
The whiskered man himself has indicated his awareness --and approval-- of the website. Congrats.
September 5th, 2012 at 3:54 PM ^
Does the beard have a Twitter account yet?