Criswell Predicts! Michigan beats PSU 22-17 !

Submitted by MonkeyMan on

Not many people have access to a psychic, let alone a legendary psychic- but I do!

The "Amazing Criswell" (tm) was a psychic of unparallelled ability who lived sometime in the past 100 years (don't have wikipedia up right now) and starred in the 50's blockbuster "Plan 9 from..." (again the wikipedia issue). In any case he is dead (or so they say!) but this doesn't stop top psychics! I have access through going into trances (which sometimes requires breaking the law to achieve)

Recently, he has revealed how the game will go:

The kick off will be packed with fans- due to the cleverness of David Brandon who passed out last minute  tickets at the gate (with 2 free cokes) and the installation of over 1,300 inflatable fans. Devious camera men are bribed not to take any close up shots.

PSU starts off strong and rumbles to 7 points on short throws and shorter throws. A tipped intereception gives them another 7 and UM fans are glum (love that word). After this it settles into a snooze fest and the first half ends.

The second half opens and generally sucky play dispirits the crowd by halfway through the quarter. Many fans start to leave the stadium. A series of mishaps occur where UM is flagged for having 12 men on for a punt return (to be safe!) and PSU gets another series which gets them into range for a 51 yard filed goal. PSU leads 17-0. At this point the inflatables leave the game in disgust also.

This is what we call the "low point" 

But then, angered at being called disloyal, the boycotters start screamin and stomping and clapping like Brady. This clapping throws off the PSU offense which can't figure out there own count and a series of botched handoffs lead to turnovers that put UM within stiking distance at 14-17. Then Gardner engages in some heroics and waggles into the endzone for a 20-17 lead. Brady goes for the 2 pointer (?) but makes it for a 22-17 win.

4 weeks later an inflatable is named AD

At this point my connection to the psychic server was lost (but I got wikipedia back!)

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Mr. Yost

October 11th, 2014 at 12:42 PM ^

31-20.

Hoke gave up his secret during gameday...we're going back to our strengths and we're going to run Devin.

I look for a huge game from Gardner.

Finally playing to our strengths rather than forcing the square peg in the round hole.

I'm excited for tonight, backs firmly against the wall, the former players are showing up in support...Michigan wins and looks good for the first time since the OSU game last year.

I worry about Devin's health in the long term, but he'll get a BYE week to regroup and heal from this game and prepare for MSU.

Nice win here, just well enough to give us a glimmer of hope going into East Lansing.

Joined: 07/25/2011

MGoPoints: -9898220

AMazinBlue

October 11th, 2014 at 12:48 PM ^

SOunds like he is taking the handcuffs of Nuss.  AS long as Gardner doesn't get hurt, I think UM has a chance in this one. From what everyone gameday said, PSU has a strong run defense but the rest of the team is pretty weak.  We have a sdhot, for one of the last times this season.

Joined: 10/12/2008

MGoPoints: 7197

Ty Butterfield

October 11th, 2014 at 12:55 PM ^

It will be the same as always. Despite sludgefarting their way through the game Michigan will have the ball late in the 4th quarter with a chance to win. Michigan will turn it over on downs or miss the game winning filed goal. Ball game.

Joined: 09/07/2009

MGoPoints: -81685

BlueHills

October 11th, 2014 at 1:28 PM ^

Thanks for the chuckle!

But I've been in contact with Jeane Dixon, and she says Hackenburg picks us apart and we get clobbered.

The good news is that the students begin a "Down With Dave" chorus that keeps up throughout the entire game, and that the rest of the stadium joins in the chant.

Upon hearing the 80,000 fans he claims to be 102,347 chanting out calls for his removal, Dave declares himself officially too butthurt to continue as AD, moves permanently to the vacation residence in Arizona that he owns and that was featured in Architectural Digest, declares himself to be happier far away from Michigan, and makes amends with Rich Rod.

Jeane says the school immediately offers the AD position to Jon Gruden, who takes the job and offers Brady Hoke's job to Tom Brady, who turns it down but becomes QB coach. Gruden prevails on Ross to fund a 10 million buck advance to anyone named Harbaugh to become HC, but they spurn the offer.

For a few days, Michigan has no one to replace Hoke. Then Les Miles comes to the rescue.

Miles coaches for four years, wins two national titles, and retires a hero.

Joined: 10/31/2010

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LSAClassOf2000

October 11th, 2014 at 1:46 PM ^

To present the other side of the case, of course, Criswell also wrote a book in the late 1960s, I believe, clled "Predictions From The Year 2000" or something similar to that (I saw a copy in a library years ago, so I can't recall the exact title). In this book, he predicts Denver would be struck by a ray that would cause metal to become more akin to rubber and I believe he even gives an end-of-civilization prediction which I am sure is quite past due now. 

So, 22-17 Michigan sounds about right. This time, some 30 years or so after his death, The Amazing Criswell might get one correct.

Joined: 01/07/2011

MGoPoints: 130627

swalburn

October 11th, 2014 at 2:12 PM ^

I think we win big today.  That being said, it is 2:00 and I've consumed a DogFish Head Palo Santo Marron (12%) and a Burton Baton (10%).  My judgement is impaired at this point.

Joined: 11/24/2011

MGoPoints: 8025

UMForLife

October 11th, 2014 at 2:59 PM ^

I just heard through Whoopi Goldberg as my medium that DB is suiting up again and he is moving up to first stringer from third stringer. He wants to support the players and he will win the game for us. DB return an interception for a TD, runs for a TD and catches the ball for a TD and blocks a field goal. He will be the Heisman front runner and he will get a free Aflac duck. Stay tuned...

Joined: 11/04/2013

MGoPoints: 63393

UnkleBuck

October 11th, 2014 at 3:32 PM ^

PSU is gonna have 2 costly turnovers, DG will be solid, and UM wins by 10.   At least I hope this is what happens...will be in the stands watching.

Joined: 11/02/2013

MGoPoints: 2122