to play football, not to play trumpet
A buckeye friend of mine
Is this... is this related to that other crazy thread that got deleted? God I'm so confused.
I think he's talking about this guy
but for a while the mullet was the suspect!
That guy has four shoulders and two heads. Is it Braxton Miller?
Hit you with the dropkick, Marty Jannetty.
This is funny because everybody knows mullets are either cool or uncool.
Who has Buckeye friends?
I haz one. He's one of the best all around people I know, except that one day of the year. Then he's a real cocksucker.
I do. Someone has to cook our fries.
I keep my cholesterol and my friends separate. The window at the drive-thru closes, after all.
I have a buddy who is a Buckeye/Seminole fan. He calls himself BuckNole.........ralph!
More like fuckhole.
wierd. My wife had one though. One of her grad students went there. They have kind of a big soccer thing going there, so there must be a few interesting people in Columbus. I wasn't taken with the place the two times I had to go there, though. (Course when you have to go, you're looking at things from a different angle. Bwahahahahaha.)
Just thought I'd stop by before the explosion.
My buckeye friend is not very worldly. He thinks that the English Channel is a television network. Not a body of water.
That is a TV channel in Mexico.
I have no idea what he is talking about.
I'm fucking hungry NOW you know.
My buckeye friend likes to dance in parking lots:
I really needed to mention you in my favorite posters on that thread last weekend. A slightly different make up than space coyote, but still, you make me laugh, Mr. Spicyweiner, and I really never imagined saying that.
Mgobrewmom says Mr Spicyweiner makes her laugh.
I have Buckeye relatives, obviously something I can't avoid. Friends on the other hand, are generally poeple I like having around. I honestly don't see me ever having Buckeye friends.
I don't have any. As it should be
most Buckeye fans are born upside down.
Their nose runs and their feet smell.
I took my buckeye friend to his first baseball game. He came with a double barreled shotgun. I said what the h is that for? He said I heard the tigers were playing the Rays.
When my buckeye friend went to the bathroom there's a sign that said gentlemen, pay no heed. Go right in. There's no room that says scoundrel on it.
I'm surprised he could read
If a buckeye shits in the woods, does he use a cooler?
That's the joke my 9-year old has been telling lately. Let's save this thread by making it a repository of all the MGoBoard's favorite bad jokes.
A baby seal walks into a club.
the bus boy bends over. the priest says, "screw him." The rabbi asks, "out of what?"
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
It was in tents.
But did you hear about the orgy at the circus?
It was fucking in tents.
Wanted to take a milk bath because he heard it was good for his skin. I asked him if the milk was pasteurized. He said no, it was just up to his shoulders.
For the time being, we'll see what sort of humor we get here, I think....
Many moons ago, Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote. Pony said to Coyote, I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me? Coyote said to Pony, why can you not yell yourself? And Pony replied, because I am a little horse.
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor tells the man "you have to stop masturbating." The man asks him why? The doctor says, "because I am trying to examine you."
I need a urine, stool and semen sample. So he said okay, here's my underwear.
What word starts with F and ends w/ UCK?
I know, well-worn oldies.
What's long and hard on a Buckeye?
I thought that only happened in Ohio libraries?
But is your Buckeye friend going to watch the Michigan game this Saturday?
and tells the doctor, "Doctor, my tally-wacker is orange. What could it be?"
The doctor thinks for a minute and then asks the young man if he works at a chemical company.
The young man responds "No".
The doctor repeats the question, "I hate to ask again, but surely you must work for a chemical company."
To this, the young man responds, "No, no, no. I'm unemployed. Mostly I just sit around the house all day watching the Playboy Channel and eating Cheetos."
Buckeye fans are so ugly, the zoo puts their pictures up in the monkey cages to keep the monkeys from jerking off.
About the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
Monday night drinking thread! Wooohoooo!
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Brutus - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. "But doctor..." he says "I am Brutus." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
And the only graphic novel I've ever read. It was a great too.
My buckeye friend walks into a candy shop. The clerk says hey we have a snack named after you. My buckeye friend asks if its any good. The clerk replies if you like being morbidly obese and out of shape.
The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.
Buckeyes think asphalt is rectum trouble.
My buckeye friend walks into a bar. The bartender says why the hideous face?
Frito Bandito has the grace of a swan, the wisdom of an owl, and the eye of an eagle. Ladies and gentlemen, this man is for the birds!
He may be a vegetarian, but he's full of bologna in my book.
Dubs, you have a beautiful face. A face like a flower. A face like a cauli flower.
Frito... you have lot of well-wishers here tonight, and a lot of them would like to throw you down one... a well. They wanna murder you in a well.
Some Buckeyes are crazy. Take my wife. Please.
A man walks into a bar on the 10 the floor of a hotel and sits down. The guy next to him says "buy me drink and I'll jump out that window- fly in a circle and then fly back in". So the guy buys him a drink and sure enough the guy does exactly what he promised.
Now the guy cannot believe what he just saw and asks the guy how in the hell did he do that. "Easy he says - you can do it too - let me show you. All you have to do is hold the bottom of the bar stool like this, take three step and then launch yourself outside the window. Once airborne make sure to hold your arms out like I did for lift and then kick your legs if you feel you're losing altitude. Anybody can do it if they try."
So the guy does exactly as he was instructed and then promptly plummets 10 stories to his death. As everybody's looking out the window the bartender walks over to the first guy and says "You know what? You're an asshole when you've been drinking Superman."
Murder, She Wrote is on the Hallmark movie channel. Seriously, who would want to live in Cabot Cove? That had to be the murder capital of the world.
called my daughter and told her to stay the hell away from Rock Creek Park.
My buckeye friend is so stupid that a mechanic sold him a catyletic converter when all he had was a loose gas cap.
Q. If there is a car with an Ohio State RB, CB, and DE in it, who is driving?
A. The police officer.
My Buckeye friend drives a truck.
For a living.
In possession of a brand new Ice Bucket
The port-a-potty was far
The lid was ajar
He gave up and said "Aw, fuck it"
Buckeye #1 is in his back yard building a space ship.
Buckeye #2 asks him what he is doing. Buckeye #1 says "I'm building a space ship. I'm going to fly to the sun."
Buckeye #2 says "You're crazy, you will get burnt to a crisp."
Buckeye #1 says "No I won't. I'm gonna fly at night."
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
For reference, there are a ton of great ones in the comments here.
My Buckeye uncle once got drunk and puked in his Ohio hat. I think this is relevant.
I told my buckeye friend stereotypes wouldn't be so bad if he were smarter.
I miss GROOT
It never seemed appropriate to ask him how he managed to spend 5 1/2 years there and not graduate. I think he changed his major a few times. He now has a bachelor's and master's degree from Kent State, so all is well.
My buckeye friend lives in a tree. Because he's a pervert.
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines.
My buckeye friend said Carlos Hyde was acting in self defense!
They were commenting on how their bodies were having problems as they grew older.
The Sparty says, "I haven't taken a good leak in years...it burns, no steady stream. It sucks."
The Domer says, "I know what you're saying...I haven't had a good shit in over a year. Nothing is more satisfying nowadays, wish I could take a good shit just once."
The Buckeye chimes in... "I don't have any of those problems. Every morning at 7am, I have a nice piss... steady stream, no problems. And then every morning at 7:30, I take a good shit, no problems."
The Sparty and the Domer blurt out at the same time, "Well, you MUST have at least one problem to deal with...?"
The Buckeye says, "Yeah dang it, I do. I just wish I could wake up before 8am."
How do you drive a Buckeye crazy? Put a cooler in the middle of the room and tell him to poop in the corner.
I see, said the blind man as he picked up a hammer and saw.
You cannot spell Cocksucker without OSU.
Now you can delete.
Back in the day when I was creating punch cards for a program at the NUBs, I needed to visit the rest room. As I was relieving myself, there written above the urinal were these wise words:
"When you shit you shit alone...
When you piss urination!"
Q: What did the leper say to the hooker?
A: Keep the tip.
What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?
One looks at the other and says, "any idea how to drive this thing?"
One looks to the other and says BLURB GLURB BLURB
One muffin says "boy, is it hot in here." The other looks at him and says "holy shit, a talking muffin!"
The Nina, The Pinta, The Santa Maria, I'll do ya in the bottom, while yer drinking San Grea. Nachos, Lemonheads, and my dad's boat, you wont go down cause my dick can float. We sail around the world and go port to port, everytime I come I produce a quart. Put on ya life vests let's drop anchor, there's a nice lady, oh, I'd like to swank her
He says forgive me father because I used a four letter word today. Father says oh really do you wanna tell me about it? He says sure. I was at my favorite golf course on my favorite par four hole, well he said I hit a nice long drive but it went in the woods. Father says oh thats where you used that four letter word? He says no I actually found the ball and I still had a clear shot to the green. I fired it out of there and it landed in the sand trap next to the green. Father says oh THATS where you used that four letter word? He said no no I kept my cool and walked up to find the ball with a nice lie and I pitched it out of there and got it within one foot of the cup. Father says you didn't miss that fuckin putt did you?
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony?
The woman who can eat the last doughnut.
I have been in the wedding of two buckeye fans. Keep your enemies closer, I guess.
She left me for her brother.