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Athletic Department looking for Sr. Football Analyst

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Last post
January 16th, 2013 at 5:00 PM
#1
True Blue Grit
True Blue Grit's picture
Joined: 01/21/2011
MGoPoints: 1219
Athletic Department looking for Sr. Football Analyst

I occasionally peruse the U-M job website and found what would be a dream job for many people (at least on this blog):  Senior Football Analyst

http://umjobs.org/job_detail/78527/senior_football_analyst

No salary is listed.  The required experience will probably eliminate most people here, but hopefully someone reading this blog might be THE ONE. 

"You owe it to every man, woman, and child in the State of Michigan to beat the Buckeyes and silence their fans!  Now go out there and make it happen!"

- Bo Schembechler (Result: U-M 22  OSU 0)

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:05 PM | I'm available.  How do I (Score:5 Normal)
Craig James
Craig James's picture
Joined: 01/16/2013
MGoPoints: 23

I'm available.  How do I apply?

 

Yes, THAT Craig James. Allegedly.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:20 PM | That rumbling you just heard (Score:5 Normal)
Sopwith
Sopwith's picture
Joined: 06/29/2010
MGoPoints: 1622

was the sound of a collective shudder going through the hearts of Ann Arbor's hooker community.

"You know, for a bartender/bookie, you're pretty judgmental."

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:28 PM | What do you mean?   Ohhh . . (Score:3 Normal)
Craig James
Craig James's picture
Joined: 01/16/2013
MGoPoints: 23

What do you mean?   Ohhh . . . I get it.  Real funny.  Jerk.

 

Yes, THAT Craig James. Allegedly.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:06 PM | this job sounds incredibly awesome and impossible (Score:3 Normal)
TrppWlbrnID
TrppWlbrnID's picture
Joined: 10/29/2009
MGoPoints: 7897

7) Monitor team curfew during preseason training camp.
8) Lifestyle monitoring of student-athletes. Monitor off-campus student-athlete housing.

i think this is about an 100 hour a week job, year round.

2013 resolution - make it onto the 2014 favorite MGoPosters post, not ironically
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January 16th, 2013 at 5:10 PM | yeah can you say Conflict Of (Score:1)
crazyjoedavola
crazyjoedavola's picture
Joined: 07/30/2012
MGoPoints: 246

yeah can you say Conflict Of Interest?

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:11 PM | Sounds like a job for... (Score:1)
jonnyknox
jonnyknox's picture
Joined: 01/28/2011
MGoPoints: 154

Sounds like a job for the Mathlete.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:14 PM | Too bad a requirement is " (Score:2 Normal)
Sideline
Joined: 12/09/2009
MGoPoints: 188

Too bad a requirement is " must have prior experience with managing a D1sports program"

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:16 PM | EA Sports helped me cover (Score:5 Normal)
joeyb
joeyb's picture
Joined: 10/12/2008
MGoPoints: 11303

EA Sports helped me cover that one.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:15 PM | Definitely sounds like a (Score:2)
joeyb
joeyb's picture
Joined: 10/12/2008
MGoPoints: 11303

Definitely sounds like a dream job for a fan, especially if you wanted an in into coaching.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:18 PM | I am only interested in the following position (Score:2)
brose
brose's picture
Joined: 02/19/2009
MGoPoints: 953

Sr. Football Analrapist

 

 

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:21 PM | Oh brose, you blowhard! (Score:2)
MGoAlexander
MGoAlexander's picture
Joined: 11/14/2012
MGoPoints: 301

Oh brose, you blowhard!

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:23 PM | So.... (Score:2)
The Name
The Name's picture
Joined: 10/06/2010
MGoPoints: 535

You want to analrape (pronounced anawl-rape) football players?

Hey Dirk Nowitzki you just won the NBA Finals, why the long face?

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January 16th, 2013 at 6:45 PM | No, an analrapist performs (Score:4 Normal)
gbdub
gbdub's picture
Joined: 02/16/2010
MGoPoints: 2468

No, an analrapist performs analrapy.

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January 16th, 2013 at 8:32 PM | I'll take The Rapists for (Score:2)
M-Wolverine
M-Wolverine's picture
Joined: 10/04/2009
MGoPoints: 38863

I'll take The Rapists for $200, Trebek!

"I love him, he's a great coach, he's a great mentor, he's a great friend. He's every single thing you want a college coach to be, and he does it flawlessly." -David Molk

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January 17th, 2013 at 12:06 AM | How much is Netflix? (Score:1)
Cromulent
Cromulent's picture
Joined: 01/06/2011
MGoPoints: 206

Just 4 months away. Any longer and I'll blue myself.

The only thing you learn from history is that you never learn from history.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:21 PM | I'm SOOOO going to apply... (Score:2)
GoWings2008
GoWings2008's picture
Joined: 01/26/2011
MGoPoints: 1466

I'm SOOOO going to apply...

The Team, The Team, The Team

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:23 PM | Odds are they already know (Score:5 Normal)
CRex
CRex's picture
Joined: 09/28/2009
MGoPoints: 8737

Odds are they already know who they want and this posting is done solely to comply with state regulations.  As an employee of the University I can attest to the fact we often pick who we want to hire and then write a job posting that only they meet the requirements for.  That way when we do interviews were disqualify everyone else as not qualified.  

Basically you have a student who just graduated and you want to bring them in full time, so you stack the deck in their favor.  

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:27 PM | Beat me to it, CRex (Score:4 Funny)
ChiBlueBoy
ChiBlueBoy's picture
Joined: 10/11/2011
MGoPoints: 561

I guess you must have longer arms than your brother T.

"Mattison must break you. Jake Ryan is his tool."

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January 16th, 2013 at 6:01 PM | That confirms what I thought too (Score:3 Normal)
True Blue Grit
True Blue Grit's picture
Joined: 01/21/2011
MGoPoints: 1219

I've applied for some jobs on the site where I was clearly qualified but never even got a call for an interview.  It's not what you know, but.......

"You owe it to every man, woman, and child in the State of Michigan to beat the Buckeyes and silence their fans!  Now go out there and make it happen!"

- Bo Schembechler (Result: U-M 22  OSU 0)

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January 16th, 2013 at 11:16 PM | Several years back a friend (Score:2 Normal)
UMgradMSUdad
UMgradMSUdad's picture
Joined: 07/02/2011
MGoPoints: 1956

Several years back a friend applied to a job that had a strange list of requirements, ones that almost no one would have all of, but he did.  It was as if the job posting was written for him and him alone.  He applied, and of course did not get the job.  He didn't even make the short list, which would have had the possibility of displacing the person chosen for the job.  He got a form letter explaining that there were a lot of applicants and many of them fit the requirements better than he did.  We had a few laughs over that.

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:26 PM | I'm analytical (Score:2)
MGoBrewMom
MGoBrewMom's picture
Joined: 08/13/2009
MGoPoints: 1369

And almost classify as "senior"..wonder if they'd let me commute from San Diego?

Mom, MGrad and life long fan living in So Cal

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:51 PM | Are you willing (Score:3 Funny)
goblueattorney
goblueattorney's picture
Joined: 10/02/2010
MGoPoints: 420

To walk from San Diego for this job??

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:26 PM | Shucks... (Score:3 Normal)
ChiBlueBoy
ChiBlueBoy's picture
Joined: 10/11/2011
MGoPoints: 561

I'm eliminated. Damn felony.

Actually, this looks like a position where the coaches probably already have someone in mind, but it has to be publicly posted before they choose their hand-picked candidate.

Also, I think the "glamor" of being around athletes in this job would wear off very fast.

Like the guy who complained about having to work with elephants in the circus, cleaning up their poop all day. Finally, sick of his complaining, someone asked him why he didn't just quit. "What, and leave show business?!"

"Mattison must break you. Jake Ryan is his tool."

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:34 PM | I can so do this job (Score:2)
GoWings2008
GoWings2008's picture
Joined: 01/26/2011
MGoPoints: 1466

1) Maintain and update football computer database. Attach opponent data to video to allow assistant coaches to efficiently view opponent video. (I do this now on MgoBlog...So me)
2) Type and print documents created by Assistant Coaches. (Type and print?  Also me)
3) Assist with class checking of current student-athletes. (Half me...female students right?)
4) Assist academic support staff with organizing and monitoring study table. (fold up tables?  Gotcha.  I can even set up beer pong)
5) Copying and distributing weekly opponent scouting reports. (Copy...Yes, so me)
6) Creating, copying, and distributing team playbook.(More copying?  No problem)
7) Monitor team curfew during preseason training camp. (Put kids to bed?  I can do that)
8) Lifestyle monitoring of student-athletes. Monitor off-campus student-athlete housing. (NO, don't come in this bar...Yeah, I can do that too.)
9) Assists with administrative oversight of graduate assistants and football analysts. (I'm at a loss on this one...)
10) Administrative duties as assigned by the Associate Athletic Director for Football and Director of Director of Football Operations.  (Take orders from someone else.  No worries)

 

The Team, The Team, The Team

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January 16th, 2013 at 5:39 PM | Two words. (Score:3 Normal)
Mr. Yost
Mr. Yost's picture
Joined: 07/25/2011
MGoPoints: 5537

Brian Cook, bitches.

Wait...that's thr--- aw horseshit!

“True loyalty is that quality of service that grows under adversity and expands in defeat. Any street urchin can shout applause in victory, but it takes character to stand fast in defeat. One is noise — the other, loyalty.”

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January 16th, 2013 at 7:47 PM | I say (Score:0)
Score 1
Score 1's picture
Joined: 01/13/2011
MGoPoints: 225

Lloyd Carr will never get to retire

"I am excited to be with Brady and I am excited about where this program is headed"           D C  Coach Mattison

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January 16th, 2013 at 8:17 PM | I think (Score:1)
MLHGK
MLHGK's picture
Joined: 11/05/2011
MGoPoints: 46

These are the type of jobs they post for EOE reasons. You have to know someone and I am sure the canidate was selected before this was posted. I see this in the Goverment all the time.

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January 16th, 2013 at 11:03 PM | I'm not qualified, which is (Score:2)
tenerson
Joined: 10/04/2009
MGoPoints: 1676

I'm not qualified, which is probably good because I would just end up with confiscated beer and college girls which would lead to trouble. 

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