I occasionally peruse the U-M job website and found what would be a dream job for many people (at least on this blog): Senior Football Analyst
http://umjobs.org/job_detail/78527/senior_football_analyst
No salary is listed. The required experience will probably eliminate most people here, but hopefully someone reading this blog might be THE ONE.
I'm available. How do I
That rumbling you just heard
was the sound of a collective shudder going through the hearts of Ann Arbor's hooker community.
"You know, for a bartender/bookie, you're pretty judgmental."
What do you mean? Ohhh . .
What do you mean? Ohhh . . . I get it. Real funny. Jerk.
Yes, THAT Craig James. Allegedly.
this job sounds incredibly awesome and impossible
7) Monitor team curfew during preseason training camp.
8) Lifestyle monitoring of student-athletes. Monitor off-campus student-athlete housing.
i think this is about an 100 hour a week job, year round.
yeah can you say Conflict Of
yeah can you say Conflict Of Interest?
Sounds like a job for...
Sounds like a job for the Mathlete.
Too bad a requirement is "
Too bad a requirement is " must have prior experience with managing a D1sports program"
EA Sports helped me cover
EA Sports helped me cover that one.
Definitely sounds like a
Definitely sounds like a dream job for a fan, especially if you wanted an in into coaching.
I am only interested in the following position
Sr. Football Analrapist
Oh brose, you blowhard!
Oh brose, you blowhard!
So....
You want to analrape (pronounced anawl-rape) football players?
Hey Dirk Nowitzki you just won the NBA Finals, why the long face?
No, an analrapist performs
No, an analrapist performs analrapy.
I'll take The Rapists for
I'll take The Rapists for $200, Trebek!
"I love him, he's a great coach, he's a great mentor, he's a great friend. He's every single thing you want a college coach to be, and he does it flawlessly." -David Molk
How much is Netflix?
Just 4 months away. Any longer and I'll blue myself.
The only thing you learn from history is that you never learn from history.
I'm SOOOO going to apply...
I'm SOOOO going to apply...
The Team, The Team, The Team
Odds are they already know
Odds are they already know who they want and this posting is done solely to comply with state regulations. As an employee of the University I can attest to the fact we often pick who we want to hire and then write a job posting that only they meet the requirements for. That way when we do interviews were disqualify everyone else as not qualified.
Basically you have a student who just graduated and you want to bring them in full time, so you stack the deck in their favor.
Beat me to it, CRex
I guess you must have longer arms than your brother T.
"Mattison must break you. Jake Ryan is his tool."
That confirms what I thought too
I've applied for some jobs on the site where I was clearly qualified but never even got a call for an interview. It's not what you know, but.......
"You owe it to every man, woman, and child in the State of Michigan to beat the Buckeyes and silence their fans! Now go out there and make it happen!"
- Bo Schembechler (Result: U-M 22 OSU 0)
Several years back a friend
Several years back a friend applied to a job that had a strange list of requirements, ones that almost no one would have all of, but he did. It was as if the job posting was written for him and him alone. He applied, and of course did not get the job. He didn't even make the short list, which would have had the possibility of displacing the person chosen for the job. He got a form letter explaining that there were a lot of applicants and many of them fit the requirements better than he did. We had a few laughs over that.
I'm analytical
And almost classify as "senior"..wonder if they'd let me commute from San Diego?
Mom, MGrad and life long fan living in So Cal
Are you willing
To walk from San Diego for this job??
Shucks...
I'm eliminated. Damn felony.
Actually, this looks like a position where the coaches probably already have someone in mind, but it has to be publicly posted before they choose their hand-picked candidate.
Also, I think the "glamor" of being around athletes in this job would wear off very fast.
Like the guy who complained about having to work with elephants in the circus, cleaning up their poop all day. Finally, sick of his complaining, someone asked him why he didn't just quit. "What, and leave show business?!"
"Mattison must break you. Jake Ryan is his tool."
I can so do this job
1) Maintain and update football computer database. Attach opponent data to video to allow assistant coaches to efficiently view opponent video. (I do this now on MgoBlog...So me)
2) Type and print documents created by Assistant Coaches. (Type and print? Also me)
3) Assist with class checking of current student-athletes. (Half me...female students right?)
4) Assist academic support staff with organizing and monitoring study table. (fold up tables? Gotcha. I can even set up beer pong)
5) Copying and distributing weekly opponent scouting reports. (Copy...Yes, so me)
6) Creating, copying, and distributing team playbook.(More copying? No problem)
7) Monitor team curfew during preseason training camp. (Put kids to bed? I can do that)
8) Lifestyle monitoring of student-athletes. Monitor off-campus student-athlete housing. (NO, don't come in this bar...Yeah, I can do that too.)
9) Assists with administrative oversight of graduate assistants and football analysts. (I'm at a loss on this one...)
10) Administrative duties as assigned by the Associate Athletic Director for Football and Director of Director of Football Operations. (Take orders from someone else. No worries)
The Team, The Team, The Team
Two words.
Brian Cook, bitches.
Wait...that's thr--- aw horseshit!
“True loyalty is that quality of service that grows under adversity and expands in defeat. Any street urchin can shout applause in victory, but it takes character to stand fast in defeat. One is noise — the other, loyalty.”
I say
Lloyd Carr will never get to retire
"I am excited to be with Brady and I am excited about where this program is headed" D C Coach Mattison
I think
These are the type of jobs they post for EOE reasons. You have to know someone and I am sure the canidate was selected before this was posted. I see this in the Goverment all the time.
I'm not qualified, which is
I'm not qualified, which is probably good because I would just end up with confiscated beer and college girls which would lead to trouble.
I'm available. How do I apply?
Yes, THAT Craig James. Allegedly.