All the Easter Feels

I am so sorry for all your losses.  And I'm glad that your Father-in-Law was perceptive enough and kind enough to reach out and give you the support you needed.

Having lost my dad in 2009 and my mom in 2010 and then my sister in 2016 I can only add death of loved ones really sucks.  They say time heals all wounds but it really doesnt - there's not a day that goes by where I dont miss each of them.  I can only imagine what you are going through and sincerely hope this post helps somewhat.

Thanks for sharing.  Love is a powerful force - and it is wonderful that your Father in law was able to show you that kindness to help continue your healing from the devastating losses you have undergone recently.  

I feel for your loss man. That sounds like a shitty couple years. Good to know you still have family that cares for you and loves you. Those relationships are 98% of what is important in life.

I face-timed my family for 5 minutes (they all congregated at my parents house) then i rotated my tires, changed the oil, changed cabin/air filters, new serpentine belt, and changed spark plugs .... 16 effin spark plugs. it took like 7 hours. it sucked.

Thank you for sharing. It's so hard to open up about these things, but the truth is that it's therapeutic. And it often reaches others who need to hear it. I've experienced tragedy and the most fulfilling desire is to have that tragedy serve some positive purpose down the line. (See: ChadTough)

Holidays are weird. Most of us don't like them because they create so much anxiety and stress. But we keep doing them and keep following the same silly traditions and surround ourselves with people or activities we don't like. But sometimes when you go through such devastating tragedies as you just described, you find out there are some people in your life who truly care about you and you experience love in a way you never knew was possible, and in this case you've clearly found yours. There are people who you didn't like very much before the tragedy, who are suddenly right there for you in the most genuine way and make real sacrifices on your behalf.

I can really relate to what you're describing in how your FIL was unexpectedly there for you. It's a difficult feeling to describe. But it's a reminder that we're all human.

I'd be remiss if I didn't quote one of my favorite Bible verses: John 15:13 - greater love have no man than this, that a man should lay down his life for his friends.

It's one thing to brag to your buddies at the bar that you would jump in front of a bullet for your kids. It's another thing to show up for someone without hesitation when you know they need you. Blessings to you, my friend.

Yesterday was tough for me too.  I'm right there with you.  

So, this really resonates with me - 4 years ago in early May, my grandmother (my Mom's Mom) died unexpectedly, she was near 80 but in still relatively good health.  4 days later my Grandfather (My dad's father) passed away a day after he was released from the hospital and told he was ok after some heart trouble.  

The next year on 4/15/19 my dad's mom passed away after an exceptionally rapid decline in which she went from being healthy to passing away in the span of 3 days.  Then suddenly 2 days later on 4/17/19 my mother experienced a brain hemorrhage, causing her to pass also unexpectedly.  My father lost his mom and his wife of 40 years in the span of 2 days.  

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing and that awful run of losing loved ones.  

But the day was not spent in sorrow or mourning, it was spent celebrating Easter and what that means for us and those that have passed - what an amazing promise we have!  As well, it was spent together as a family for the first time since all of those events occurred - as a result of those events we (for the most part) have grown closer together as a family and set aside those differences that often plague extended families and for that I am thankful.  

Here is all that I can say as I am a bit further in my journey than you at this point....but I know everyone deals with things differently.....It never really gets better, but it does get easier.  There is still so much joy to be found in life around you and while it is really scary sometimes, admitting that we aren't in control and accepting that is freeing.  

God Bless you and your family, lean into them. 

your FIL grades out a 5*, probably #1 in his class overall.  need to protect him or other bagmen and programs may try to lure him away.

great story OP and thank you for sharing. like most everyone on this list i too have lost a number of loved ones and preached too many funerals where the deceased was friend or a family member.  i will impart one tiny bit of my thought process on the issue:  when they pass, no matter how much time you had to prepare, it is like a vicious bruise and its all you think about and the pain is constant.  but like a bruise, at some point you will forget about the pain, maybe only for 5 minutes, but you'll forget.  and later it'll be for 5 hours.   and then longer still.  eventually the bruise goes away.  you will always remember the hit and wince when you think of it, but it no longer occupies your mind and emotional energy. 

lastly, i'll cite you to the same verse i cited EYB to a few years ago when he shared an incredibly difficult family loss with us.  1 Cor 4:17 - For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.

hang in there and good on you and your A+ FIL

I'm sorry for your losses and agree that out of darkness does come out of light...even the smallest speck or quark of light can help light up the dark if given the chance. Even just being there for those in mourning/suffering is an opportunity to shine light in the darkness. 

On a personal note, it has definitely been a rough Easter season for myself as well. One of my best friends from college lost his father to prostate cancer last week and I traveled to Michigan for that funeral. And now on top of that, my uncle's sister-in-law died unexpectedly Friday, I'll have to go back again to Michigan for that funeral later this week. Everyone is still in shock and I can only imagine what my cousins and their cousins are going through right now.

Sorry for your loss and I can totally understand how you'd react to the holiday season.  And I'm glad you've come to light.

Its sounds cliche, but I go back to this clip from the movie Rocky Balboa:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk

The money quote in all this is:

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

This quote always got me through tough times.  In that, sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other will suffice.  And in your case, just showing up to the holiday gathering, while hard to do, was in fact moving forward.

Proud of you!

He then said one thing that brought it all home to me: "We are your family now and always.  We are who is still here, and we love you."

I broke down sobbing uncontrollably and just gave in to the grief.

Just got a little dusty in here .....

If I am convinced of anything in life, it's that we all carry so many weights and burdens. Everyone of us. Many people carry these on their own without ever sharing about them. 

Hearing these stories are the building blocks that help others believe they can get through their burdens and that there is hope. Hope for healing. Hope for peace. Hope for grace and love to fill their lives. 

Thank you for sharing OP. Your story is another I will no doubt use someday to help myself or someone else. To encourage someone to give life another chance. You can't control what causes the hurts, pains, burdens. You can control how you choose to show up and respond. You can choose to share and in doing so, help yourself and others. 

My condolences on the sad changes in your life. My advice is Pray. Make everyday another opportunity to do what's best and what's right and keep moving. Strive for happiness. It is my belief that life is just a stage and there is more to come after we pass. 

My Easter was good; may your future holidays be happy and full of friends and family, and fond memories. 🙂

So sorry to hear about all of your losses.

I'm glad you found the strength to be able to finally gather once again with your family.

And even more glad that your father-in-law was there to give you the love and support you've needed.

It's been a bit rough for me since 2010.  Lost my grandmother (at 101.5!), one of my oldest and closest friends (at a much too young 42), a brother, and my mother.  And, just a few months ago, my wife's father passed away.  And most of our friends have lost a parent or have a parent who is struggling with a health issue.  At times, it can feel overwhelming and all-consuming.  

This year was the first Passover for my wife and her mother without her father.

I have found that it helps me to give in to the grief when it hits me...rather than trying to stifle it.  I think it's possible to move forward from grief...but not to move on from it.  It comes less frequently - and less intensely - but, even after many years, it still does come.

First board post that brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through all of that, but I’m glad you’re in the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Can I make a suggestion? This isnt a criticism, mourn for as long as you need to mourn but then wipe the calendars of mourning anniversaries.

Celebrate our lost loved ones on their birthdays. Go out to their favorite place, have alll the family and friends you can muster there, and share all the stories. Do it exactly how we would want it done when we are gone.

In fact tell family and friends to do the same after you pass. They can still be a part of you and your special day. 

Easier said than done but I hope this help a little bit.

I'm not crying. You're crying.

Very sorry to hear about your losses, OP.  Things will get better and grief is the first step to getting past it all.

Easter has a special history along these lines in our family.  My older brother passed away suddenly on Easter morning in 1985.  Years later, my mother-in-law passed away on Easter in 2012.  In both cases, they had severe health issues that were not going to enable them to live a lot longer.  So, we always felt it was a great sign of rebirth and rest for them, rather than dwelling too long on the loss.  We are a religious family and the symbolism around the day they passed was incredibly comforting to us.  But regardless of when it happens, I'm pretty sure that our lost loved ones would want us to go on with life with hope and happiness rather than dwelling on them.  So happy to hear you've found your light.  

Made my eyes water.  Thanks for sharing. 

It's awesome what a hug can do and how crying releases so much anguish.  Hope your outlook continues to be more positive.

Beautiful and vulnerable story of ashes turned to resurrection my friend, the fruit of the Easter/Lenten season. God bless you

Regardless of our politics, religion, ethnicity, gender, or really anything else, we all walk this path eventually. We all share the commonality of grief over the loss of people we love and care about. We may have different ways of experiencing it, different strategies or different timing, but grief has a way of connecting us to others who are grieving without judgment or expectation. 

good stuff. almost all of us, at least the "lucky" ones, survive long enough to eventually go through the grief of seeing our loved ones die. This is a good post.

Sorry to hear about the struggles. I'm sure you've put on a brave face for a long time. Sometimes it's helpful when others are brave for you and you can lean on them. Great family you have..

Sorry for your losses.

You may never know it, but I bet this post helped someone and in a way you also.

Every holiday my wife's family calls day of to tell her something bad and ruin her day. One year it was that they put her childhood dog down a month prior. She's doesn't want to associate with them because they only use her for medical questions. Her moms suicidal and threatens it on her when things don't go her way, dad is pissed she moved to another state and only calls to ask her health questions. I hate it, every holiday she's mad lol. 

I wonder if life is really worth living given the grief and fact that you'll have to age, deteriorate, suffer, and face your own demise some day. Your kinda stuck in that once you're born and no one will remember you in 4 or 5 generations anyway.  It all makes me sad.  Sorry for being a downer among these uplifting posts that I wish would resonate. It's just tough to enjoy life when earth shattering loss and grief could be around the corner at any moment.

My 23 year old nephew committed suicide April 1 this year. The last 2 1/2 weeks have been so very, very bleak for my sister and brother-in-law. To make it a bit worse, my sister and 95 year old father co-own a 2 apartment building in Skokie. They each have their own 3 bedroom apartment, and share the 4 car garage and the basement. Dad has had increasing dementia in the last couple years, and so my sister and brother-in-law provide a lot of care for dad.  I have had dad move in with us the last 2 some weeks, to give my sister the time and space to grieve, and the freedom not to need to care for dad.

My wife and I are also largely raising our 20 month old granddaughter, as our daughter heals from a heroin addiction. (Thankfully, she has been sober and drug free for 8 plus months now.)

It has been a very very dark time. On top of normal responsibilities as a pastor. Still, this has given me the time to love my sister, love her family, love my father, love my granddaughter, and love my own children unconditionally. In the middle of the darkness, love shines through, and love makes a huge difference.

I haven't learned a lot in life. But I have learned that to love, to listen, to serve, to help, is a much better way to live than to hate, to be angry, to be caustic and sarcastic and mean spirited.

If you are acting out of a motivation of love and caring, your clumsiness and awkwardness and doing things the wrong way can be overlooked.

And thanks to the OP for sharing so candidly.

I'm glad you had that moment. It is difficult to go it alone. We all need someone to share our burdens with.

This is a great lesson for all of us.  Share in your grief.  Do not keep it bottled inside because it will destroy you.  Let it out and lean on other helpful souls for their wisdom and comfort.

Thank you for sharing.  Very moving.  Like all others here, very sorry for your losses.  Wishing you peace, God speed, and you and your family the best.