The British ain’t comin’. [Patrick Barron]

This season is so fun we realized after Ace and Brian did a Gimmicky Top Five of favorite subplots for the podcast that there have been way more good ones they left out. So we reopened the floor to the rest of the MGoBlog crew to see if we could come up with something more comprehensive. We invite you to keep adding to the list.

The question:

Favorite Irrelevant Plotlines of this Season

Already used:

• Will Rutgers get a 1st down?
  
• PFF hates kickers and punters 
  Which awesome play will be unnecessarily put on film this week?
• Which possibly correct call will Harbaugh blow his stack on?
• Jourdan Lewis vs. Egg Twitter
• How loud will McDoom chants be at road games?
• Harbaugh's glasses
• Opponent fans sarcastically cheering when their team finally does something good
• Khalid Hill's YPC and TD/carry ratio
• Grapes!!!
• "Peppers is Overrated."
• Hammer Panda

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[Hit THE JUMP for sad rivals, sadder mascots, and TRAAAAAAIN!]

Seth: TRAIN, and when/what will they run out of it next?

Harbaugh first broke this out to break the backs of the Badgers. It was of course an instant star.

ICYMI, @UMichFootball channeled its inner Quad City DJ's​ against Wisconsin. #GoBlue #TheTrain pic.twitter.com/ctAWvmsAsE

— Campus Insiders (@CampusInsiders) October 2, 2016

That burly run set up a touchdown that stood as the winning margin. The second TRAIN had five TEs and resulted in a Buttdown, a Neck Sharpies topic, and my new favorite MGoShirt:

I choo choo choooooose you!https://t.co/MD5AUNJGOT pic.twitter.com/sdnFHPnbIU

— Seth M. Fisher (@Misopogon) October 27, 2016

This week it appeared in the middle of a drive, hinting at all sorts of downfield possibilities.

When they run it the whole stadium stands. Those unfamiliar hoot in awe, while the intiated make choo-choo sounds. State fans stared bewildered, envious, remembering a time when they were Little Giants, not kickers who run for four YPC.

TRAIN even has a backstory: Jay Harbaugh got it from a high school team in Colorado while recruiting their tight end. It is Harbaughffense manball incarnate, and the perfect metaphor for this momentous season.

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Adam:

There is no better celebration in college football than Mo Hurst's belly rub.  Let's start with its literal interpretation: a hungry defensive lineman has searched long and hard for something to eat and is finally satiated after a snack. I love snacks. We all love snacks. We also all love watching Michigan's defensive linemen devour opposing quarterbacks. Mo Hurst seems to like devouring opposing quarterbacks to the point where "having one for a snack" just barely qualifies as symbolic.

I agree with Seth that the Train is a good metaphor for this season, but I think there can be some delineation. Train is a good metaphor for this team's on-field success, while the belly rub celebration is a good metaphor for what these guys are like off the field. I mean, now that teammates are jumping in and joining the celebration, it's just a matter of time before we get an 11-man belly rub. The only thing I can think of that's better than an 11-man belly rub celebration is whatever event precipitates an 11-man belly rub celebration.

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David. The Situation Trophy.

@sbell021 pic.twitter.com/GgtnrcFiag

— † Wolverine Devotee (@UMichWD) November 7, 2016

It has been decided that Michigan State and Rutgers need to have a rivalry trophy.  Of course, it will be a statue of The Situation.

I have so many questions, though.  Does the winner receive the trophy?  Or the loser?  Will the scores of the games be carved into the butt-cheeks?  Can they scrap the idea of a trophy and actually trade the actual human back and forth?

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Brian: I already listed six in the podcast but I've still got more. One of my favorite pastimes on Saturdays this season is the weekly Michigan superfecta watch. We haven't had one yet, but we've had a couple near-misses when two of Michigan's rivals eat it and die while a third is on a bye. That'll happen when two of those rivals are 3-6 and 2-7 and the third is wobbly to the point where it can play a tough four quarter game against Northwestern.
It would be real nice to top this season off with a regular-season ending superfecta with a win in the Game and seeing Penn State-MSU and USC-Notre Dame break the right way.

A related tangent: Michigan reclaiming and then running away with the all-time win percentage lead. You had a nice run, Notre Dame, but by this time next year Michigan is going to be ten games ahead and will run away and hide with the title during Harbaugh's glorious ~30~ 40 year reign.

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Ace: Working on GIFs since recording the podcast reminded me of another delightful subplot: *Michigan inflicting emotional devastation on opposing mascots.* It began rather innocuously in the UCF game, when KNIGHTRO—who is not a Citronaut and therefore a disappointment—had an exasperated response to Jake Butt’s touchdown.

Plush Ralphie looked on in longing the next week, as only one team could have a Jabrill Peppers.

Bucky got fed up

Sparty had an existential crisis.

Testudo couldn’t bear to watch.

Rutgers, well, was easily distracted by shiny objects, which proved to be a strong defense mechanism.

Bring on Brutus.

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Seth: This reminds me of another one-game subplot: "SHOOT THE CANNON!"

SHOOT THE CANNON!!! pic.twitter.com/TUPF2qypnm

— Kirbmeister (@MGoKirby) October 9, 2016

Most things in the Piscataway brochure are disappointments. "Campus" is actually three North Campus-like bus stops. The fitness centers that alumni rave about are only nice in comparison to the sweatstained MAX Fitness gyms they grew up with. The first college football game turned out to be a 25-on-25 soccer match that wasn't even related to the rugby-like sport evolving in Massachusetts, Quebec, and either side of Lake Michigan. The lacrosse team finished last season unranked. New Yorkers are canceling cable faster than anyone in the country.

But the cannons are trve. On Princeton’s campus you can find at least the one Rutgers stole from Princeton, which Princeton buried in cement to prevent a future theft—the cannon has been slowly sinking since the 1840s, and Rutgers students still sneak over to paint it red on occasion. Another cannon sits in the Rutgers endzone surrounded by four Revolutionary War reenactors ready to fire whenever a Scarlet Knight scores. You can see the quandary.

From Rutgers's first offensive series it became clear that the usual route to cannon fire wasn't open. The all-Wolverine section behind them implored the cannoniers, but no man of Washington's army would shoot more than a middle finger without orders. Finally, late in the game, Shane Morris found a way, throwing a bounce-pass-pick-six that stood just long enough for the tourists to see the best thing New Jersey has to offer.

And if I may add a third answer: alternate jumpman logos.

Them boys up to something.