good advice for journalists trying to gently introduce readers to better basketball stats
Senior Day Haiku
Filed under:
Reviving a tradition I did not execute last year: haikus for the graduating scholarship seniors, and other notables. Those with remaining eligibility are omitted.
Mike Massey
You'll probably be
a fancy suit stock broker
so it's not all bad
Will Johnson
Centers never knew
they could be so afraid of
a balding tackle
Tim Jamison
In your younger days
I thought you would be a ninja
or maybe a bear
Charles Stewart
Suggest you cover
deep routes in life, so, like
get health insurance
Morgan Trent
Bet it's annoying
that everyone says you have
a smoking hot mom
Brandon Harrison
You committed to
Tyrone Willingham, which, like
makes you a rare bird
Jason Gingell
No one blames you, man
we all know Crable messed up
if that helps any. No?
Brandon Logan
That Kentucky raid
you played the most from it
it didn't work out
Johnny Thompson
There are worse things than
having an awesome nickname
like "The Machete"
Ohene Opong-Owusu
Did you know your name,
Ohene Opong-Owu-
su, doesn't fit here?
Austin Panter
You'll be a footnote
"First M JUCO in ten years"
So congrats I guess
Terrance Taylor
What do you get when
you cross a bear, a hydrant,
and a six foot smile?
KC Lopata
Kicking competency
is underrated these days
but I recall Brabbs
UPDATE: (whoops!)
Doug Dutch
Small, nimble slot guy
You showed at Michigan
four years too early
November 14th, 2008 at 4:25 PM | 
Charles Stewart
Charles Stewart
November 14th, 2008 at 4:29 PM |
5-7-5, right?
5-7-5, right?
"I thought you would be a ninja"
Can I not count or is that 8 syllables?
And how many of you just counted with your fingers? Cuz I know I did.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:34 PM |
Yes, it is 8. And yes, I
Yes, it is 8. And yes, I
Yes, it is 8. And yes, I counted on my fingers.
Contract "you would" to "you'd".
November 14th, 2008 at 4:35 PM |
Oh Grasshopper
Oh Grasshopper
The 5-7-5 is for Japanese haiku, Brian uses American haiku!
Besides, how can poetry have rules???
Life should not be a journey to the grave to arrive safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What A Ride!" HST
November 14th, 2008 at 4:35 PM |
stevie brown
stevie brown
i am really tired
of seeing that 3 jersey
in the highlight reels
November 14th, 2008 at 4:36 PM |
a few more
a few more
You forgot one:
Sean Griffin (LS):
You're the long snapper.
I've never thought about you.
Therefore: good job, Sean
Alternate:
Morgan Trent:
Henson, Helminen
Took the cash and ran. Not you.
The Pride of Brighton!
This one was still the best ever:
David Harris:
On one of these days
You are going to kill someone.
I'm okay with that.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:41 PM |
steven threet
steven threet
yeah he's kinda slow
but ill always remember
58 yarder!
and johnny thompson:
pass defense? not much.
but look out, because here comes
buffalo stampede!
November 14th, 2008 at 4:39 PM |
Mike Massey
Mike Massey
Good Riddance Masseys,
Your next brother do please tell
Go to OSU!
MIIIIIIIIICH
November 14th, 2008 at 4:43 PM |
Nooooooooo
Nooooooooo
Brian, now see what you've gone and done -- you've started the Haiku Idol thread -- no one will survive!!
Life should not be a journey to the grave to arrive safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What A Ride!" HST
November 14th, 2008 at 4:44 PM |
Also, 6 syllables on the last
Also, 6 syllables on the last
Also, 6 syllables on the last line of the Gingell poem. Still very funny though. All of them. I love the old David Harris one.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:49 PM |
OMG, OMG, OMG !!!!!!!
OMG, OMG, OMG !!!!!!!
Human Beings are actually counting all the syllables of all the poems and then posting the results!!
Another sign of the "End of Times"!!
Life should not be a journey to the grave to arrive safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What A Ride!" HST
November 14th, 2008 at 8:28 PM |
Whaddya expect?
Whaddya expect?
It's just so rare than we can catch Brian in an obvious error! Why, here it's as easy as throwing an accurate bubble screen. Oh wait...
November 14th, 2008 at 4:52 PM |
more:
more:
Steve Brown, you are not
a senior yet somehow the
man still keeps you down.
Austin Panter, you
dominated JUCO ball
at least you have that.
Recruiting is a
joke because you were a top
prep wide out, Doug Dutch
Harvard: The MICHIGAN of the East
We're not arrogant, we're just better.
November 14th, 2008 at 5:05 PM |
this reminds me of
gregg
this reminds me of
gregg
this reminds me of
gregg easterbrook, which is not
a compliment, yuk
November 14th, 2008 at 5:09 PM |
Which Book?
Which Book?
You mean "The Progress Paradox -- How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse"?
Life should not be a journey to the grave to arrive safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What A Ride!" HST
November 14th, 2008 at 5:15 PM |
i'm sure you can deal with
i'm sure you can deal with
November 14th, 2008 at 11:50 PM |
?
It's not like he did creepy
?
It's not like he did creepy
?
It's not like he did creepy haiku's for his favorite cheerleaders.
No question, Jim.
November 14th, 2008 at 5:22 PM |
meh
meh
i'd be more impressed with senior villanelles
November 14th, 2008 at 6:01 PM |
just change KC Lopata's
just change KC Lopata's
from "Kicking competency" to "Kicking competence" and you're good to go with the old school Japanese style haiku.
For my privacy, my new username is "non-Oriental non-Andrew"
November 14th, 2008 at 8:24 PM |
Amateur Hour (another for Opong-Owusu)
Amateur Hour (another for Opong-Owusu)
Couldn't resist when this came to mind, for Opong-Owusu:
If a bigger star
Hawaiian War Chant would change
to recite your name
FTW!
Harvard: The MICHIGAN of the East
We're not arrogant, we're just better.