About Last Week

Pretty sure there wasn’t a game last week.

The Road Ahead

Indiana (2-6, 0-5 B1G)

Last week: Lost at Maryland, 38-35

Recap: Indiana allowed 419 passing yards at 10.5 yards per pass. That’s a lot. Let’s look at the film to see if we can identify the issues:

Hmmm…

/scribbles notes

I see.

It appears Indiana dusted off the “maybe Jeremy Gallon will drop the next one” defensive playbook.

It’s hard to see where the bottom might be on this season. Indiana’s streak of two straight winning seasons ⁠— the longest such streak since 1993-1994 ⁠— is over, as is Indiana’s streak of two straight bowl appearances. Forget about those. The Hoosiers’ six straight seasons with at least 5 wins is in serious jeopardy. They’ve still got Rutgers on the schedule, but beyond that, it’s hard to see them winning more than one more from the group of @ Michigan, vs. Minnesota, and @ Purdue.

This team is as frightening as: Bill Lynch Indiana.  Fear Level = 3

Michigan can sleep soundly about: Indiana is starting Donaven McCulley at quarterback, a true freshman who will be making his second career start.

Michigan should worry about: McCulley played unexpectedly well, albeit with expectations somewhere in the “we gon’ die” range; he completed 14 of 25 passes for 242 yards (9.7 YPA) with 2 TDs and no turnovers.

That said, his production did not appear particularly repeatable. His longest pass of the day (52 yards to Ty Fryfogel) should have been an interception, and most of his other significant gains were from hitting blitheringly wide open guys on coverage busts. And if I had to decide between “Nick Sheridan schemed up beautiful route combinations to get guys open” and “Maryland did a Maryland,” I’mma put my money on the latter.

When they play Michigan: A night game. In November. Against a 2-6 team starting a third string QB.

Next game: @ Michigan, 7:30 p.m., FOX (IU +19)

[After the JUMP: It's late, but at least it's not good.]

Penn State (5-3, 2-3 B1G)

Last week: Lost at Ohio State, 33-24

Recap: Moral victories suck, but some suck less than others. Coming off of The Game Of Which We Must Not Speak, I bet most Penn State fans would have, if given the option, taken a 9 point loss in this game without asking any questions.

Sean Clifford looked much better than he had the week before throwing for 361 yards at 10.1 yards per attempt. More impressively, they held Ohio State to 457 total yards at 6.8 yards per play (both season lows for the Buckeyes, which, dammit), and only allowed two offensive touchdowns.

This team is as frightening as: 

(AUTHOR’S NOTE: Is this the second time I have made a “Legos hurt to step on” joke in the last few weeks? Sure is. Do I stand by it? Absolutely.) Fear Level = 7

Michigan should worry about: Jahan Dotson and Parker Washington have combined for 101 catches for 1172 yards and 8 TDs. Both went over 100 yards against Ohio State.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: 20-18 (9OT).

When they play Michigan: Penn State has only allowed 27.6% of opponent red zone possessions to end in a touchdown. That’s #1 in the country, just ahead of Georgia’s death machine.

I mention that for no particular reason.

Next game: @ Maryland, 3:30 p.m., FS1 (PSU -10)

Maryland (5-3, 2-3 B1G)

Last week: Beat Indiana, 38-35

Recap: I mean, they won, which is better than what they had been doing.

This team is as frightening as: A 5-3 team. Seriously. I looked it up multiple times. Fear Level = 4

Michigan can sleep soundly about: Believe it or not, it tends to get worse. November Maryland makes October Maryland look like September Maryland. Maryland is 1-14 over the last four seasons after Halloween, and 5-24 since joining the Big Ten in 2014. They’ve been in the bottom 5 in November scoring offense in the Big Ten in each of the past 5 seasons.

Michigan should worry about: Maryland has its most success when they’re running an up-tempo offense which… yeah that could be an issue.

When they play Michigan: SLOW DOWN, fellas. No need to rush. Follow the lead of your spirit animal, the West African Mud Turtle.

Huddle up, guys

Next game: vs. Penn State, 3:30 p.m., FS1 (Maryland +10)

Ohio State (7-1, 5-0 B1G)

Last week: Beat Penn State, 33-24

Recap: I hate them. You hate them. Right-thinking members of society hate them. The children hate them.

But game respect game, and on this website we respect Fat Man Touchdowns.

8.5 seconds of sheer big guy joy. It’s not quite Shaun Rogers’ 66 yard pick-six, but it’s close.

Also Ohio State won their billionth straight Big Ten game.

This team is as frightening as: Adding “700 pound defensive tackle” to the list of athletes Michigan can’t allow to get into open space. Fear Level = 10

Michigan can sleep soundly about: Okay, you want some dumb reason to hope? Fine. I strongly advise against it, but many people say things like “I wish you would discuss Ohio State in more detail,” because that sounds like a fun thing to do.

Since the Oregon loss, Ohio State has completely reorganized their defense, resulting in a significant drop in the number of points they have allowed; they’re surrendering 13.6 points per game over their last 5 games. They’ve also allowed far fewer total yards (283 per game vs. 471 per game) and yards per play (3.9 YPP vs. 6.1 YPP).

SHUT UP, I’m getting there.

BUT!

They’re allowing a lot of pass completions. The combined group of Rutgers, October Maryland, Still-not-100%-Sean-Clifford Penn State, and the one Indiana drive before Jack Tuttle got hurt and Indiana’s game plan exploded, put up a combined 95-for-138, which is a cool 69% completion rate at a respectable 6.6 yards per pass. And Michigan’s quarterback has shown the ability to make short completions and sustain drives.

Also maybe Columbus falls into a giant space-time portal sink hole into an alternate dimension or the past or something, not unlike the plot of the NBC drama La Brea, which airs on Tuesdays at 9:00 p.m.

The latter may be more likely.

Michigan should worry about: Lol I can’t believe I wrote that whole last section without breaking kayfabe.

When they play Michigan: Hello darkness my old friend.

Next game: @ Nebraska, noon, FOX (OSU -15)

Objects in the Rearview Mirror

Western Michigan (5-3, 2-2 MAC)

Last week: Lost to Central Michigan 42-30

Recap: From the people who brought you “DON’T PUNT THE BALL TO WILL LIKELY” comes the following advice: “DON’T PUNT THE BALL TO KALIL PIMPLETON.”

Pimpleton returned two punts for a total of 167 yards and 2 touchdowns in a five minute span at the end of the first half, sandwiched around a touchdown pass to… /checks notes/… Kalil Pimpleton. The second return was by far the dumber of the two, as WMU was punting with 23 seconds left in the half from the 42 yard line to a guy who had already housed one. You can kick it 30 yards downfield and 10 yards out of bounds and the half is basically over. Or, you can line drive the sumbitch right to the fast guy with the cool name.

Western was probably the better team on a down-to-down basis, but two punt returns, a couple of massive defensive busts, and a 3-0 turnover disadvantage were too much to overcome.

Next game: vs. Akron, Tuesday, details TBD.

Washington (4-4, 3-2 Pac-12)

Last week: Beat Stanford, 20-13

Recap: Things looked bleak. Or, you know, they would have looked bleak if anyone had actually been watching the end of this game at 1:30 in the morning. Washington turned the ball over on downs with 3:12 left trailing 13-12, which looked to be the ballgame. However, because Stanford is as offensively incompetent as Washington ⁠— they’re averaging a Northwestern-like 340 yards per game ⁠— the Cardinal punted the ball back, and Washington went on an 8 play, 67 yard 2-minute drill drive…

…that featured 6 straight running plays.

Six. Straight. Running. Plays. With no timeouts.

Washington Football: Because Reasons.

The interesting part about Washington’s week actually occurred after the Stanford euphoria subsided, and when Jimmy Lake was asked about recruiting against Oregon:

 

#Washington coach Jimmy Lake, asked today if #Oregon is a recruiting rival. Woo boy pic.twitter.com/7vHFQi96yp

— Adam Rittenberg (@ESPNRittenberg) November 1, 2021

In a season of Yikes for Washington, this Yikes is up there with the Yikesest of Yikes.

Next game: vs. Oregon, 7:30 p.m., ABC (UW +6.5)

Northern Illinois (6-2, 4-0 MAC)

Last week: Lost at Kent State, 52-47

Recap: #MACtion in its purest, most distilled, most batshit form. 14 touchdowns, 7 of which were on plays of 30+ yards. 99 points, including 45 in the second quarter alone. 1,345 yards. 63 first downs. Joy and chaos.

Rocky Lombardi was 33 of 57 (!) for 532 yards (!!) and 3 TDs, including 309 passing just to Trayvon Rudolph. Rudolph, who had 402 yards in his first 13 career games has 469 in the past two weeks alone. But NIU still lost, because they gave up 682 yards, and 682 is too many yards. The Huskies couldn’t do anything to stop Kent State on the ground, as the Golden Flashes put up 363 yards on 43 carries (excluding kneeldowns) for a nice easy 8.4 yards per carry.

Next game: vs. Ball State, Wednesday, details TBD.

Rutgers (4-4, 1-4 B1G)

Last week: Won at Illinois, 20-14

Recap: Rutgers picked up their biggest first-order transitive win in quite some time with a My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad victory over Penn State.

I don’t really want to focus on the football game itself, because the game really had no redeeming qualities. The bottom line is that, on the strength of beating one of the worst teams in the Big Ten who was down to their backup quarterback to move to 1-4 in conference play, Rutgers is up to a 36% chance to make a bowl game.

And gee, I wonder which bowl game Rutgers might be in line for…

 

https://t.co/DNpIQoC32k has released its bowl projections following last night's CFP rankings. pic.twitter.com/pdrEgNqVg8

— Josh Furlong (@JFurKSL) November 3, 2021

 

h/t to Patrick Barron for this

IT’S BACK, FOLKS…

Surely this time we won’t be horribly disappointed.

Next game: vs. Wisconsin, 3:30 p.m., BTN (Rutgers +12)

Wisconsin (5-3, 3-2 B1G)

Last week: Beat Iowa, 27-7

Recap: Ugh. We should have spent more time on Rutgers/Illinois.

426 yards of total offense… COMBINED. 25 combined first downs. 236 combined passing yards at a cool 5.0 yards per attempt. Graham Mertz came out like a man possessed, completing 5/5 for 52 yards and a TD on his first drive, after which he went 6/17 for 52 yards for the rest of the game. It was the Opposite Day version of Northern Illinois/Kent State.

As usual, Wisconsin’s defense was elite, holding Iowa to a rushing Rutger (27 points scored, 24 rushing yards allowed). Iowa’s first half drives were as follows:

• 3 plays, 3 yards, punt
• 3 plays, 7 yards, punt
• 3 plays, 3 yards, punt
• 3 plays, -13 yards, fumble
• 2 plays, 0 yards, fumble
• 3 plays, 6 yards, punt
• 6 plays, 12 yards, punt

Iowa got their usual 40 yard touchdown drive, but continues to be punted in the perineum by regression, losing the turnover battle 3-0 including a fumble on their own 1 yard line.

Somehow the College Football Playoff committee watched this game and ranked BOTH of these teams in the top 25. But I guess with both teams fielding quarterbacks ranked in the Top 126 at their position in terms of Expected Points Added, it’s no wonder.

Next game: @ Rutgers, 3:30 p.m., BTN (UW -12)

Nebraska (3-6, 1-5 B1G)

Last week: Lost to Purdue, 28-23

Recap: Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Nebraska had a second half lead but made a bunch of boneheaded mistakes and lost by a single score. This week, it was Adrian Martinez who dons the Blackshirt of Shame. He threw four interceptions, three of which were Capital-B Bad, and one of which was returned for a touchdown.

For those keeping track at home, Nebraska is now 5-18 in one-score games under Scott Frost, including 0-6 this year. They have outscored their opponents by 86 points (269-183) in the process of winning 3 out of their 9 games. They’ve outscored their Big Ten opponents by 23 points (173-150) and are outgaining B1G opponents by more than a YARD AND A HALF PER PLAY, and have parlayed that into a 1-5 conference record.

How? Like, literally, how?

Next game: vs. Ohio State, noon, FOX (Nebraska +15)

Northwestern (3-5, 1-4 B1G)

Last week: Lost to Minnesota, 41-14

Recap: The “How” is a little more straightforward with Northwestern. They’re being outgained by 1.7 yards per play in conference play, and they’re being outgained exactly 2.5-to-1 (70 scored, 175 surrendered).

Andrew Marty replaced Ryan Hilinski after Hilinski started 1/6 for 5 yards. And while Hunter Johnson is throwing for 5.7 yards per attempt on the season and Ryan Hilinski is throwing for 5.7 yards per attempt on the season, Marty delivered at… 5.8 yards per attempt against Minnesota. So, progress.

Next game: vs. Iowa, 7:00 p.m. (NW +12)