THE GOD OF ALL TROLLS
As a Collegial gesture we invite Coaches from Every College to be involved in our football camp. #Compete #ExposureU pic.twitter.com/lMM4ZiSLx2
— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) April 24, 2015
Find a bridge, and look under it. There you will find something you did not expect: a crude charcoal figure in the shape of the man. On certain nights when the moon lances through the overpass just right and strikes the figure at just the right angle, the markings take on a three dimensional aspect.
As you're squinting, wondering why it looks familiar and kind of pisses you off, Harbaugh, Master Of The Toll, will step forth from the rock to answer one question you have. I have been across this nation's highways and byways, searching out the dwindling numbers of his worshippers. Pushed out by EZ-Pass and foreign purchases of American roads, the United States troll is literally at a crossroads.
They ask him about inflicting pain on the country that spurned them.
He told them "form a country duo that sings about comin' to your citayyyy."
He told them "tell 'em it's about ethics in gaming journalism."
He told them to make a website on which anyone can talk to anyone with a 140 character maximum.
He told them to run athletic departments like conglomerations of mining interests.
He told them to name something "The KFC Yum! Center."
Yes, with the exclamation point smack in the middle of it. He is diabolical.
I sought him. I invoked daemons of minor annoyance. They told me that sitting outside in some nice weather and watching something approximating a football game was the sign of a diseased mind, but they also told me where to find him. The bridge was old and rickety, all but abandoned. Long ago a chunk of wood had been clattered free, so the light at this bridge was direct and fulsome. After a time, Harbaugh stepped forth from the charcoal.
I said I had a job for him.
I said he would find glory, and he was uninterested.
I said it paid very very well, and he bridled.
I said he could follow in the footsteps of the all-troll who birthed him from a cauldron of spite, and he took one half-step towards me. I knew not whether I had made progress or a terrible mistake.
I said that all the football coaches in all the land would gnash their teeth and shake their NCAA-mandated chains and wail and wail and wail, that entire fanbases of people would rise up in one agglomerated mass of incensed powerlessness, that even the greatest and mightiest of football would feel their bile rise uncontrollably at his visage.
He said "I accept."
And then he was gone. Shaken, I began the long journey home under the moon.
April 24th, 2015 at 12:39 PM ^
Been a reader on this blog for years but I hardly ever throw my two cents in. I have to say this post is the best post I have ever read on here and it made me fall on the floor in convulsive laughter. I am almost considering blowing this up and framing it on my office wall. Awesome post.
April 24th, 2015 at 12:39 PM ^
I just could not be any happier with this. This is amazing!!!! Well done coach Harbaugh!
April 24th, 2015 at 12:55 PM ^
the day before MSU spring game with recruits. If Harbaugh intended this, he just might be a Grand Master in chess.
[edit: I'm thinking about chess vs. checkers from a gif posted on the first exposureU thread about the movie Training Day.]
April 24th, 2015 at 12:45 PM ^
HARBAUGHCON 2015!
April 24th, 2015 at 12:47 PM ^
This is a really great opportunity for non-powerhouse schools and coaches. I think it turns out to be more than just an epic troll job and actually a great idea. Harbaugh is everything Dave Brandon wished he could be and a great football coach to boot.
Agreed. I know that a lot of player information from the Michigan Camp is shared with smaller schools. I would imagine this is the spirit of most HS camps.
These satellite camps shouldn't be any different. They are bound to unearth kids who aren't good enough to play at Michigan but are good fits elsewhere in the region.
April 24th, 2015 at 12:49 PM ^
A Troll, Not a Butthole.
April 24th, 2015 at 12:50 PM ^
April 24th, 2015 at 12:53 PM ^
April 24th, 2015 at 12:56 PM ^
When Harbaugh says "be my guest".
Faux Pelini wants to attend. I say let him.
This just made my day.
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This is just awesome. August can wait if these things can keep happening every once and a while.
... of I really don't get how this is a big troll move. I think I may have missed something along the way.
Read the lastest post from Ace on the home page. Basically the coaches can agree to come and help out Harbaugh and Michigan, or they can stay at home, admitting defeat, which in turn helps Michigan.
grammar error in the second parapraph that I am trying to overlook
There is some redundant capitalization, but I don't see an actual grammar mistake in that paragraph.
Step 1: Summer Swarm Tour
Step 2: M "Eposure U" ...
I agree, big smile on my face. May want to blow it up myself and hang it on a wall.
I want to do a little dance.
April 24th, 2015 at 10:19 PM ^
The entertainment value alone makes JMFH's contract worth every penny.
Sincerely yours in football,
Tom
April 24th, 2015 at 11:52 PM ^
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April 25th, 2015 at 12:32 AM ^
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