Ohio joke week

Submitted by Hugh Jass on November 18th, 2012 at 12:37 AM

Not only should we beat ohio but we should have fun at their expense as well..........

An ohio fan and a Michigan fan get into a car accident.  As they both get out of their cars to survey the damage they begin to discuss how much they hate each other.  Being the better man - Michigan fan extends a hand of friendship and says "at a time like this we should put our differences aside."  Michigan fan then goes to the trunk of his car and grabs a nice bottle of whiskey.  Handing the bottle to the ohio fan he says "let's drink to our new friendship."  The ohio fan takes a long drink and hands the bottle back  to Michigan fan and says "your turn."  "No thanks" he says, "think I'll wait for the police to get here."

ohio, WORST STATE EVER!

Comments

Darth Wolverine

November 18th, 2012 at 12:39 AM ^

Please delete this thread, mods, because it will be nothing but the same lame jokes about two teams that can be used for any two schools by simply changing the names of the teams in the jokes.

Ron Utah

November 18th, 2012 at 1:02 AM ^

 

Why wasn't Jesus born in Columbus?

They couldn't find any wise men or virgins.

A Michigan fan and an Ohio fan are both using urinals.  After he finishes, the Michigan fan walks out of the bathroom, while the Ohio fan quickly washes his hands then catches-up with the Michigan fan.

"At Ohio State," says the fuckeye, "we're taught to wash our hands after we pee."

"At Michigan," says the Victor, "we don't piss on our hands."

FreeKarl

November 18th, 2012 at 1:06 AM ^

Wait, so the Michigan fan is the one who acts like a backstabbing jerk and then most likely is going to lie to the cops and get someone a DUI simply because of a college football rivalry? 

Seth

November 23rd, 2012 at 6:09 AM ^

Good one. Technically the NCAA ended up getting nothing on the cars. Yes the whole world knew it but they couldn't get evidence and the school fought magnificently to keep it that way. What finally pulled the plug was Pryor had to be forced out or be compelled to testify, and once Pryor was out the NFL compelled him to comply with NCAA or not be eligible, so he gave them the dude who took him and the other guys who got extended suspensions to sign-and-schlock ceremonies. That's what the NCAA really nailed them for, not the cars and only partially for the tats. The same people who spoke to the newspapers wouldn't go on record for the NCAA, and the ESPN article was not considered evidence itself.

Blue since birth

November 18th, 2012 at 1:42 AM ^

Wow! All of these are either terrible or older than sparty's last (real) national championship. Let me see if I can throw something together...

Jim Tressel and Urban Meyer are side by side in bathroom stalls.

Meyer: "Hey, you got any TP over there?"

Tressel: "Go fuck yourself"

Mmanfromthea2

November 18th, 2012 at 2:36 AM ^

Q-How many 'ohio' undergrads does it take to change a tire?

A-Just one---but he gets 3 credit hours for it.

My two favorite teams; MEEEECHIGAN---And whoever is playing 'ohio'

JHendo

November 18th, 2012 at 4:11 AM ^

...but it's good one anyways:

A U of M fan, an ND fan and an OSU fan were walking on the beach when they found a lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie who offered them one wish each. The ND fan went first and said, "I wish I was back in the best city in the world, South Bend, so that I can finally be back with my own kind." Poof! All of the sudden, the ND fan was gone. Then the OSU fan said, "I wish that there was a wall around my wonderful state that kept outsiders out so Ohioans can live in peace." Poof! And just like that, there was 50ft high and 10ft thick wall around Ohio that was completely impenetrable. Lastly, it was the Michigan fan's turn. He turned to the genie and simply said, "Now fill it up with water."

Newbs

November 18th, 2012 at 8:23 AM ^

Did you hear about the Ohio State library. It burned to the ground, all 5 books were destroyed and the football team is really upset about the fire. They hadnt colored in 2 of the books yet.

A Ohio State football player was thrown from his horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

mGrowOld

November 18th, 2012 at 9:05 AM ^

Not a joke but a true story about a joke.  I live in the Cleveland area and last week I'm at Giant Eagle buying groceries wearing my MIchigan gear when the fucking cashier starts telling me virtually everyone of the above jokes with the punchlines reversed because obviously.  It took every ounce of self-control to smile, nod and say "hey...good one" as he reeled off one old joke after another.  

The only one I stopped him on was the "what do students at both Michigan and OSU have in common?" joke.  After that hilarity I suggested he may wish to go and look at the relative admission standards and average SAT scores of incoming Freshmen.  He then stared blankly back at me as I'm pretty sure he had no idea what an "SAT" was anyways.

Only here in Ohio......

Mmmm Hmmm

November 18th, 2012 at 9:47 AM ^

Q: How many Buckeye football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb, and how long?

A: One and only a couple of minutes, but he can expect an envelope with $500 waiting for him after he accomplishes the task.

Q: How did Jim Tressel react when told this joke?

A: This is the first I've heard of it.

Anonymosity

November 18th, 2012 at 9:53 AM ^

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A STUDENT AT THE UNIVERISTY OF MICHIGAN AND ANOTHER STUDENT AT THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY?

A: THE STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN, BESIDES BEING IN THE PROCESS OF RECEIVING A SUPERIOR EDUCATION ACCORDING TO VARIOUS SOURCES RESPONSIBLE FOR DEVISING RANKINGS FOR AMERICAN UNIVERSITIES, HAS NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A BLOOD RELATIVE. THIS PUNCHLINE, OF COURSE, IMPLIES THAT AN OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY STUDENT CHOSEN AT RANDOM HAS A HIGH LIKELIHOOD OF BEING INCESTUOUS.

One Armed Bandit

November 18th, 2012 at 10:03 AM ^

 

Leroy had been going to The Ohio State University for 11 years and just couldn't graduate.
One day, the dean of students calls Leroy in to his office and says, "Leroy, we're going to give you the opportunity to graduate.  
In a month, at halftime of the homecoming football game, we are going to bring you out on the field and ask you one question.  If you get it right, you get your degree. If you get it wrong, you have to go home without it and not come back."
Leroy agreed to this and ran off to start studying.  He studied night and day for a month.  Finally the day came.  It was a special day with homecoming and Leroy 's shindig. 
The whole stadium was packed with students and alumni, all waiting to see how Leroy would do.
The dean stepped up and said, "Leroy, are you ready for your question?" Leroy said he was.
The dean said, "Leroy, what is 3 times 3?"
Leroy thought about it for about ten minutes and then finally stepped up to the microphone and said, "9?"
Before the dean could respond, thousands of Ohio State students and alumni jumped up and yelled,  "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!"