Let's Face It...I'm Drinking Alone Right Now

Submitted by Snowden on October 31st, 2009 at 9:02 PM

Okay, if you're on the MGoBoard right now, you're obviously not out there, knee deep in sexy costumes and sweat. You're on Skynet. I'm okay with admitting this.

And, as is our wont, we're drinking right now, aren't we? Furthermore, we are in such a bitter mood (whether it be at internet doofi or the coaching staff) that we've managed to drive off loved ones and small children to a 500-foot perimeter, aren't we? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I'M THE ONLY ONE

In the interest of helping out my brethren and sisterthren, can I suggest/request some recession-influenced alcohols for consumption? I see all the Lagavulin, single-malts, and even Jameson* being bandied about, but I'm not too old to remember buying my first plastic handle of alcohol. Mine I'll toss in:

Bacardi 151: costs the same as normal pirate-rum, with twice the Punch That Hopefully Makes Me Pass Out and Forget 4 DAMN DOWNS AT THE 1-YD LINE.

Evan Williams: Jack is for the fancy-asses amongst us. Get a 1.75 for 21 clams, mix with Coke (or Wheaties if you're reading this during breakfast), and your tongue won't know the difference. You're liver will be equally wounded by each.

Smirnoff: Again, best if in a plastic bottle, and rest safe in the knowledge that this is the one that beat out Chopin, Grey Goose, and Belvedere in a NY Times taste test. Use two Large size cups from Wednesdays as a Boston shaker, whip up some Forgetinis.

I'll now wobble off the stage to let the other Sad Sacks of Crap come offer help to the community.
-----

*Yes, Jimmy McNulty makes more money than me. I'm poorer than a Baltimore police detective. (Slugs another double-shot Evan Williams into my sad head.)

Comments

Mirasola

October 31st, 2009 at 9:08 PM ^

Yes, I am with you. This game depressed me to the point that I am sitting in my living room, playing NCAA 10, and drinking Jack and Coke by myself. I got into an argument with my girlfriend regarding Tate and Denard, and drove her into the bedroom so she could take a drunken nap. It's horrible that Michigan sports can do this to me, but dammit I can't help being passionate about this. My passion for Michigan sports will get me into some deep trouble some day. But you know what? I don't give a shit. GO BLUE! I love Michigan and a [horrible] loss won't change that.

bdubya

October 31st, 2009 at 9:50 PM ^

Same here. I went to Taco Bell and ate a bag of M&M's. I don't really get depressed over losses like some do. After the game, I handed out candy to the little kids smiled and enjoyed their costumes and I just block it out. People handle bad memories in different ways. In two years I won't remember a thing about this game, and it will be as if it never happened.

Now I am watching Lolita and enjoying Stanley Kubrick.

FGB

October 31st, 2009 at 9:17 PM ^

I've been rolling with Canadian Club for as long as I can remember as my home mixer. it's not exactly cheap, but it's not expensive and it's pretty drinkable as far as whiskey goes.

of course today going like it has, i'm actually out of whiskey, and am subbing in svedka and coke in stead of whiskey. it's kind of gross and offputting, but i keep subjecting myself to it....just like michigan football.

and to top it off, they were out of mixed candy bags at the store, so i've only got snickers. i like snickers and all, but a whole bag?

kmd

October 31st, 2009 at 9:21 PM ^

Joose. Combination energy drink-malt liquor. ~$2.50 gets you a 24oz can at 9.0 or 9.9% alc/vol. It's cheap, gets you drunk faster than beer, but tastier/easier to keep down than hard liquor.

Snowden

October 31st, 2009 at 9:34 PM ^

This is the kind of communal action I was talking about. Give MGoBloggers enough time, we'll create the Wikipedia of Drinking for Hobos.

No Mad Dog citations, tho. Anyone who's ever actually enjoyed a dinner at the Red Cross (which is all of us, right? RIGHT?) is familiar with that warmth-giving elixir. That's a low bar to clear.

Moar plz.

Crime Reporter

October 31st, 2009 at 9:25 PM ^

I told my girlfriend to stay home, and I'm sitting here watching USC-Oregon, with three Pugs staring at me. I want to drink, but it will just make me more depressed. I feel empty.

Serenity Now

October 31st, 2009 at 9:35 PM ^

Geez, I almost wish that today's game was the main reason why I'm drinking alone right now. Then I wouldn't feel so bad. But it's not even on my list of reasons.

Oh, and I can't let this one go without:

I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else.
I drink alone, yeah, with nobody else.
Yeah, you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself.

Snowden

October 31st, 2009 at 9:43 PM ^

Are you familiar with the greatest every-once-in-a-while-published publication, Modern Drunkard? Based out here in the Denver metro area, it's, no sugar coat, the greatest thing ever written.

The reason I mention it is because I noticed some shame/sadness at your Solo Drinking. A few hours in the MD's library will quickly disabuse you of such weak emotions.

We Drinkers of Solitude are a proud bunch. There is NO shame in drinking alone, for any reason: a neighbor's having a bar mitzvah for a firstborn that you weren't invited to, your wife is sleeping with the local elementary's crossing guard, we can't seem to find a way to stop Isaiah Williams, your pillow's too fluffy unless you're too drunk to recognize it. They're all good.

Cheer up. I raise my glass of straight lukewarm Smirnoff in your direction.

BigBum

October 31st, 2009 at 9:39 PM ^

I had to take my kids out trick or treating. I filled up an empty bottle of Ice Mountain water with Smirnoff Vodka and sipped my way through my childrens happy moments. It's empty and so am I.

Yeah, FML.

Snowden

October 31st, 2009 at 9:55 PM ^

I guess I could start a separate thread for this, but I feel that it would match with the current demographics:

Does anyone else find themselves drunkenly pos-or-neg-banging people on MGoBoard? Get enough in me, and I become a drunk King Solomon, offering Thumbs Up and Down to things I'm not actually certain I fully comprehend.

Steve in PA

October 31st, 2009 at 10:08 PM ^

My kids are out trick-or-treating without me. I went for the first round, but asked to be dropped off at home before they went to our uber-Penn State friend's house. I couldn't deal with that shit right now and my wife was too happy to oblige.

Not drinking, but praying that Oregon upsets USC to get the bitter taste to go away.

Way to go OP! I think I'm feeling less bitter already.

bigmc6000

October 31st, 2009 at 10:45 PM ^

After I managed to drag myself out of the house I stopped by Chipotle and they must have known because my burrito was HUGE, barely held all the stuff inside. I had stopped by the liquor store before that and got some Bacardi Gold and as now drinking that w/ some soda after taking in the burrito. It, surprisingly, helped a little but I need to start putting more alcohol in the drinks - hoping to pass out before midnight...

A Case of Blue

October 31st, 2009 at 11:01 PM ^

Last week my two-year-old nephew walked into the room, saw how Michigan was laying an egg against PSU*, and promptly drooled most of an entire Double-Stuf Oreo all over himself. I then thanked him for expressing my feelings exactly.

I don't get as angry over losses as some people, and having little kids come to my door kind of mellows me out anyway. That and the fact that it's 80 here.

But if you're looking for cheapish drinking, I'm all about PBR.

*His parents are Florida fans, and all last Saturday, his five-year-old brother taunted me with "Wolverines are bad!" Which I couldn't really argue with.

Happyshooter

October 31st, 2009 at 11:19 PM ^

I cut out at half time to light the hallowen bonfire and start drinking and giving out candy.

The radio PBP got me to get drunk. I am so bad I can hardly type.

This is like Obama got elected God-King for life, only worse!

WTF was RR doing? Lloyd or my cat or me could have saved this. This was the worst thing in history.

WildcatBlue

October 31st, 2009 at 11:42 PM ^

my grandmother told me yesterday that Obama plans to kill her. In her defense, she doesn't know anything about politics or current events.

Are you my grandmother?

PS: w/r/t your last paragraph: Google "Holocaust", "Slavery", or "Reactionary Douchebags' Suffrage".

Thanks and please never vote or talk to children.