Submitted by Swayze Howell Sheen on May 19th, 2010 at 7:06 AM

Coach Schiano here. You might remember me from such fine diaries as MGoStatistics, Visualizing the Hennechart (aka the Hennegraph), and some other forgotten gems (the last being a drug-induced haloscan rant of epic proportion). Or you might not. But at least those stats got some front page love from blogmaster-in-chief Brian, despite the purported "diss". PYTHON RULES!

In last week's post, we summarized some word counts over the years to definitively show that Brian is awesome, which he is. What left a bad taste, however, was the weak attempt at the end of that diary to summarize word usage via a single Wordle. Yes, Wordle is awesome, but no one Wordle can this blog describe, as someone famous once said; probably not somebody associated with Wordle, though.

Thus we bring you a deeper analysis of the blog via the simple tool of Word Frequency Analysis (WFA). By simply counting how many times a word is used, great insight into this blog and its content can be achieved. Or, at least, mild amusement can your way be brought. Minimally, sentences can in Yoda style be written.

The results below come from (somewhat arbitrary) comparisons of the frequencies of different words. The conclusions come from my brain. Thus, the former can be trusted, and the latter should likely be dismissed. But hopefully each analysis is clear: a table, with a list of (frequency, word) pairs, where frequency is the number of times that particular word appeared in mgoblog over its entire lifetime, 2004 until present.

And now, for the results! Brace yourselves, this gets ugly.

First, we analyze how often particular sports are mentioned:

3252 football
1119 hockey
1118 basketball
300 baseball
111 soccer
1 soccer-sucks-no-it-doesn't
The word football is mentioned over 3000 times in this history of articles on this blog, or three times as often as hockey or basketall. This is a football blog. Proven, BOOM!

Now, an analysis of how often various places are mentioned:

617 ann
613 arbor
156 columbus
119 pahokee
64 lansing
It's just as you thought: even Pahokee rules over Little Brother's home.

Now we study the popularity of various coaches:

2394 rodriguez
1332 carr
262 bo
248 tressel
183 ferentz
129 paterno
124 berenson
123 schiano
93 schembechler
55 woody
Rodriguez not surprisingly is mentioned more times than anybody else. More importantly, Schembechler beats Woody again. 7-5-1 you Ohio lover! And we put Schiano in there, well, because, you know.

You might find yourself wondering about the dominant mgoblog receiver. If so, we give you the receiver analysis:

1002 manningham
721 breaston
469 avant
193 braylon
48 tacopants
Tacopants: Thrown to more often than you might like, but not the main target of mgoblog, with only 48 mentions. And Manningham for the win - who can forget his PSU or MSU performances?

Who is mgoblog's favorite running back? Well, this was an easy one to guess:

2447 hart
1606 minor
691 mcguffie
11 biakabutuka
Mgoblog harts Hart, and associated T-shirt sales. And Biakabutuka may only have been mentioned 11 times by Brian, but each time he was mentioned, he went for 313 yards. There is a t-shirt idea, by the way: "Biakabutuka 313" and nothing else on it. He should start the 313 Foundation too; are you reading this Tshimonga?

Onto the quarterback competition:

1720 henne
1305 forcier
734 tate
301 denard
261 devin
218 brady
101 navarre
10 dilithium
1 tate/denard
Henne for the win (also no surprise). Prediction for the year: the Dilithium count goes up quite a lot. And a note on the high count of Forcier: Remember, said Yoda, there was another.

And now we study two particular schools of football philosophy: Lloydball and Tresselball.

19 lloydball
5 tresselball
1 lloyd/tresselball
Lloydball for the win. Unfortunately, the dominance of Lloydball on this blog turned out not to predict their head-to-head record (we would have settled for 19-5-1, yes).

Speaking of football philosophy, we also study the dominance of the spread:

688 spread
31 spreads
13 spread-option
3 spreaders
3 spread-type
3 spread-offense
3 non-spread
2 spread-to-run
2 spread-n-shred
2 spread-mad
2 anti-spread
1 ur-spread
1 spreadmania
1 spreadfather
1 spread/zone-read
1 spread-zone
1 spread-run-throw
1 spread-option-happy
1 spread-o
1 spread-ish
1 spread-hating
1 spread-happy
1 spread-happiness
1 spread-friendly
1 spread-first
1 spread-dominated
1 spread-crazy
1 spread-combating
1 spread-and-shred
1 pseudo-spread
1 hyper-spread
The spread rules mgoblog. Note: I am pretty sure most of these were football related.

Now we move onto more important matters, like the study mascot names:

1312 wolverines
462 buckeyes
400 spartans
272 gophers
225 badgers
130 hawkeyes
104 wildcats
109 illini
77 nittany
77 hoosiers
29 boilermakers
There were three references to gopherholes (which we didn't count for the gophers). Either way, the Boilermaker is the least desirable mascot, which we knew already. Even less mention than a Hoosier!

Finally, if you'll indulge, we'll get into some slightly more off-topic terms. Let's start with food. What about the food preferences of mgoblog? Sadly, not much data here, making us wonder if Brian eats very much or is rather some kind of blog-creating Cyborg sent from our future UofM overlords to get us through these rough times (possible, no? hmm? HMMM?). But from what we could find:

34 bacon
9 sausage
10 hamburger
4 hotdog
33 pizza
1 pppppizzaaa
13 coke
4 pepsi
So Brian likely eats bacon for breakfast, hamburgers for lunch, pizza for dinner, and prefers Coke over Pepsi. ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW, AND NOW THEY DO.

Being a blog of international repute, mgoblog also mentions some people of differing nationalities:

28 germans
26 french
18 russians
4 greeks
400 spartans
What is this, a blog of the ancient era? Oh yeah, right, those Spartans. Let's not remember them.

Brian also uses his fair share of saltier language. For example:

1 breast
2 breasts
Well, he's got those counts right, at least. And then there's:
182 ass
48 badass
29 asshole
27 kickass
23 asses
1 ass-kickage
1 ass-raping
1 ass-shaking
1 ass-tasting
1 asshat-wearing
1 asshatted
1 asshole/prick
1 asswhooping
1 crazyass
1 scary-ass
1 shiny-ass
1 silly-ass
1 skinny-ass
1 slow-ass
1 smarmy-ass
1 smartass
1 stupid-ass
1 wack-ass
1 whiteass
1 freekbass
So you can definitely tell your mother, there is lots of ass on this blog. If you're wondering where "ass-tasting" came up in Brian's writings, see writes:
"I suppose it is possible that Germany is a plant biology major and spends his time before the snap screaming "I gonna sprout all up in your ass, mothafucka*" at the quarterback, but it seems unlikely."

Sorry, one last set of bad words:

115 appalachian
108 horror

Just keep moving folks, keep moving. And let them never be mentioned again. Speaking of which:

60 kitten
56 kittens
1 demon-kitten
1 kitten-strangling

Just keep moving folks, keep moving. And let them never be mentioned again. Speaking of which:

60 kitten
56 kittens
1 demon-kitten
1 kitten-strangling
Hopefully fewer kittens are in our future. Or we will have to strangle them all.

We end with some fairly random studies. First, a gender study yielded the following information about the different types of "boys" mentioned on the blog:

203 boy
26 cowboy
7 fanboy
6 boyfriend
4 ballboy
3 playboy
1 boy-band
1 ex-boyfriend
1 fratboy
1 georgiaboy
1 mgowhippingboy
1 nancyboy
1 non-fanboy
1 posterboy
1 sissy-boy
1 wonderboy
and about girls:
126 girl
41 girlfriend
2 14-year-old-girl
2 cowgirl
2 farmgirl
1 batgirl
1 ex-girlfriend
1 girl-men
1 girl-on-girl
1 girlish
1 girly
1 then-girlfriend
1 mgogirlfriend
The boys still outnumber the girls, alas. You'll have to look up the "girl-on-girl" quote on your own, playboy.

And we conclude with some word counts that we noticed "coincidentally" ended up at the same frequency. Or did they?????

64 lansing
64 oops
123 hopson
123 mistakes
128 harbaugh
128 mom
128 penetration
These results probably mean nothing. But if true about Harbaugh, it may be a more difficult road for him to climb if he wants to coach here someday. Just sayin'.



May 19th, 2010 at 7:42 AM ^

Where's "fucktard" or "fucktarded"? I've used and seen these thrown around a lot. Also I would like to add "unfucked" example: The LB's unfucked there selves in 2010 and became a strength of the defense. Sorry all I'm a sailor and can't help myself. Good post.  


May 19th, 2010 at 7:56 AM ^

would have liked to see how often "reverse" and "cowgirl " were used in tandem.  Seriously, if there are ever two words that belong togetner and should never be seperated, these are it.  The only ones that may top these are "Go Blue!" 

Hemlock Philosopher

May 19th, 2010 at 8:34 AM ^

This is a great read, coach.  I have one question regarding the QBs: Shouldn't we combing Tate and Forcier  (subtracting mentions of older brother Jason) and also Chad with Henne and Robo____?  I think Tate may take home the bacon with over 2,000 mentions.  I love bacon. 


May 19th, 2010 at 9:21 AM ^

So Brian likely eats bacon for breakfast, hamburgers for lunch, pizza for dinner, and prefers Coke over Pepsi. ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW, AND NOW THEY DO.

You can infer whatever you like, but this is a question for Six Zero to answer in a future installment of MGoProfile.

Also, we got a nice accounting of kittens and all variations thereof, but what about "muppets"?


May 19th, 2010 at 5:03 PM ^

If only phrases were involved. I think the phrase used most often last year all revolved around Mike Williams either getting owned in run support or getting burned in the passing game.