OT - Future MGoDad
So, really off topic but hopefully the community at large won't mind and will allow me a moment...
I am about to be an MgoDad for the first time. I'm young, I was the youngest sibling to no experience with babies or child rearing. I know nothing about children and am a bit fearful. So, I ask you dear MgoReader any advice, suggestions, books/articles to read to help prepare me please share!
Thanks!
EDIT: Thanks everyone for the well wishes and great advice. This community surprises me time and time again with your willingness to help and sincere care for one another. Yet another reason why its great to be a Michigan Wolverine.
FTR: its a girl. Audrey Victoria (for Victors! Yes, I won that discussion)
I've been an MGoDad for 6 months. What I'll add is have fun and stay happy. If you're happy the baby will respond. They know...
Oh, yeah ... buy some OxyClean
One bit of advice: load up on Swaddle sleepsacks. So much easier than tryimg to fold blankets at 4:00am. They also have velcro to keep them secure. Halo makes pne we liked.
+1000. Swaddle sleepsacks are magic. Halos are the best. You'll need 2 at a minimum, but 3 or 4 would be better.
The one rule I have abided by in raising my two teenagers (see old picture in avatar) is giving them choices which will enable them to be independent some day. Ultimately, they will be on their own (unless you expect to attend U of M with them), so anything you can do as they progress from infant to leaving the house that will enable them to be independent will stay with them for a lifetime. Ultimately, getting them ready for their own lives is your main job; how you do it, your own style, etc. is up to you. Enjoy the journey and congrats.
Also, make sure it always has fresh clean water.
my views on parenthood are similar to al borges' views on running backs
get 1 guy and follow him
Don't listen to everyone's advice
Find 1 person you respect and do what they do
if you try to follow advice from 35 people you are really doing nothing at all
Congrats to you sir! and thanks for the advice.
1. Sleep as much as you can now
2. Help mom out however you can. She may not let on, but she can use all the help you can provide (cooking, dishes, whatever).
Otherwise, as others have said, get ready for the ride...
I also agree with the guy that said don't listen to everybody. Don't compare your baby to how other babies are/were. I have two little girls and they were polar opposites when the were born. I can't tell you how many times I've heard " well that's not how we did it". If you have any questions ask you pediatrician. No matter how dumb you think the question is he/she has already heard it before. Congrats and good luck.
Belly Laughs
<br>By Jenny McCarthy
<br>...that one is about the pregnancy. It is hilarious. She has other books that follow...
One thing me and my wife have done on our second (he's 4 months) is taking turns taking care of him at night and in the morning. That way at least one of us is well rested and it has worked out great.
You better spoil that baby!
I've been an MGoDad for almost 7 weeks. I remember I was where you are now and feeling the same way. Here's what I can tell you from my limited experience so far:
- The first week will be rough, especially if your wife plans on breastfeeding. Your baby will cry a lot....late at night. You will be tired to the point of exhaustion. It will seem overwhelming. If you have family nearby, ask for help. Don't despair, it will get better.
- Stock up on diapers, wipes, and lotion. Babies poop and pee a lot and, unlike Coach Hoke, the stuff they poop ain't magic.
- Find some source of white noise maker. Babies find this soothing and it helps them go to sleep. My daughter passes out to the sound of our oven exhaust fan.
- At some point in the first 4-6 weeks, your wife will have a meltdown. This is not your fault, but she will probably lash out at you. Take your beating and then comfort her.
Babies are awesome. They are a huge challenge, but they're awesome. Enjoy every second you get with them because they grow up fast. Babies love to hear you talk. Babies love to stare at contrasting colors (hint: blue Michigan shirts with big maize letters are super interesting to newborns). Babies love to rock in chairs. Babies love to swing in swings. You stick to that and you'll be fine.
Good luck!
During the pregnancy there can be a couple of melt downs too. After baby is here and causing lack of sleep, be prepared for a tongue-lashing. Just listen and then go buy a $100+ spa package for her. I think my wife has about $500+ spa gift cards stored up.
So true on the white noise. We closed the vent in SoninLA's room and turned on the heat or air just so it would make noice in his room. He could have been screaming his brains out, but not 5 seconds after that air started blowing he was quiet and almost immediately he was sleeping.
The first one is by Penelope Leach: "Your Baby, Your Child"
The second is "How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"
Not sayin' my 2yr old and 5 yr old are the best behaved kids, but they do luv them some Shoelace!
So I will mostly just say "Congratulations!"
My one bit of advice is that newborns, while fragile, are more robust than you might think. You aren't going to break him/her by holding him at the wrong angle or burping him too hard.
The first time I held my child in my arms everything changed for me instantly, like turning on a light switch. It's impossible for me to explain with words. It will come to you and you will know what you need to do.
Congratulations!
My advice isn't current, and my parenting probably wasn't for everyone. She ended up a Michigan Engineering grad, and insists on coming back from out-of-state for football games.
Everyone who I personally know who tried to raise kids by the book has messed up kids. It may sound crude, but raising kids isn't much more difficult than having a pet. It is a big responsibility, but you'll do fine if you do the best you can. If you have a question ask someone who you know and respect how they did it. Most often it's a family member, but in many instances with broken homes that isn't the best idea either.
There's so many things to think about you could literally drive yourself insane!
My little girl is "graduating" from kindergarden on Thursday. I remember the day she was born and the first time I held her like it was last week. Treat everyday with your child as a gift, because it is. Love him/her and they will love you back...until they are a teen.
My oldest will be 14 in two weeks.
It really helps if you relax some of your standards about cleanliness of house, meal content, etc, especially for the first few months. If the baby is healthy and growing, that's all that matters. Who cares if the clothes haven't been put away or if you are eating nachos and ice cream for dinner? I actually highly recommend nachos and ice cream for dinner.
I'm sure you've heard "Happy wife, happy life", but I will say "Happy mommy, happy family". So read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child" and help Mommy out a lot.
Also, talk about Mgoblog and M football a lot. I just overheard my 4 and 6 year old playing and asking eachother "Have you Mgoblogged today?"
congrats!
I'm addressing the immediate life adjustments, more physical than cerebral.
Be prepared to not sleep thru the night for the first few months.
Raising one is nothing. The second makes for a combined 4 times the work before they are out of diapers, about age four for boys, girls are sooner. I have two boys, 14 months apart.
I hauled the first as an 8-month old out to Utah on a 10-day tent camping/car trip. One can be carried easily in a front or backpack child carrier. He liked to be in the front soft pack so he could smile and get excited when seeing other hikers approach while on the trail. He had this little hat and sunglasses on.
If you are active, you can still be so, if you wish. The second one slows you down. I didn't go tent camping again until the youngest was about 2-1/2.
The toughest hike I took was at Torrey Pines Nature Preserve when the youngest was 2. They both tired on the trail so I had to carry the 2 year old in my arms while carrying the 3-1/2 year old in the child carrying backpack. I did this at age 48. I'm 5'-7" and 160 lb.
I plan on taking my two boys backpacking on Isle Royale when their big enough to carry enough weight not to be a burden on me, probably at ages 15 & 16. I'll be 61 then.
Don't do too many sports or it will drive you crazy. I'd think twice before doing the traveling team sports thing unless you only have one child.
Stay in shape, so you can enjoy them more.
1. I recommend "On Becoming Baby Wise." Get the baby on a schedule and stick to it. Your life will be infinitely easier.
2. Try breastfeeding, but don't let your wife kill herself trying--my wife tried for a month and couldn't do it (she couldn't produce anywhere near enough milk).
3. Spend time together away from the baby (dinner, exercise, etc). Your child needs your relationship to be strong and you need adult time together.
Lots of good advice here already, but i will agree with people above to just have fun first and foremost. Children are a gift (even if sometimes you swear they're not) and no matter how little you think have have in experience, parenting always comes out of people even when they don't think it will.
Also, remember as they get older that you should never strive to be your childs BFF, you're their parent and they need to remember that. Have fun, but also know when to say that you're in charge and they had better listen to you. There are way too many parents that bend to their child's every wish becuase they are afraid their children will hate them.
Guess what, a little tough love during the adolecsant years goes a long way later on, and while they may curse you sun up to sun down, later in life they will thank you for being hard on them.
If it's a boy, don't allow your wife or yourself to make it awkward when he finds the need to cultivate a pr0n stash.
Since my daughter and her friends have been young adults, several of her friends have told her or my wife how much their experiences with our family had meant to them. In almost every case, if they offered up an example, it was something so insignificant that I did not recall it. It does not always take big things to make a difference, nor does it take material things. The small things, are important, and just being around, giving of your time are what will be remembered when it means something.
Remember that you and your spouse came first. You and your spouse will be there after.(18 years or so) Treat your wife with love and respect. The one gift my father gave to my brother and I was the love he showed to our mother. Sounds mushy but it is something I truly beleive matters.
Oh, one more thing. When your 5-year old child comes home crying from a neighberhood altercation, please remember that they are FIVE and their version of the story may be slanted for sympothy. Don't storm off yelling at the other parent or kid. You will look DUMB. Your child will not be scarred for life if you don't take their side every time! And believe it or not, they may not be telling the full truth.
Congrats and HAVE FUN!
He will be 13 weeks tomorrow.
Good luck, keep your head up and get some rest NOW. Kids are amazing, but they are very hard to figure out at first and require your support and attention all the time.
Also, if you like to come and go as you please do it now, because once your little one gets here you will have to account for them first before you do ANYTHING.
I am now a MGoTuitionPayingDad - son is a senior now. When I read this, I went and found the book that we used religiously the first year. It is entitled "What to Expect the First Year" by Arlene Eisenberg. It became our Bible the first year. Also, your parents and in-laws do know a thing or two - listen to them, especially when it comes to things like settling an upset stomach, what that rash may be, etc.
Take the time to make memories. Some of my son's fondest memories are being with me at the 97 OSU game (he was 7), me coaching him in sports, or if I was not coaching a particular sport, being there to root him on. And my daughter was totally into horses, so I learned more about them.
Take to heart the points made by Six Zero. He did a nice job. I particularly emphasize to be consistent in the rules you set. Those rules need to be what you and your spouse are comfortable with.
you and your wife are learning as fast as baby. And you can double team. If a second comes along, need to go to man-to-man. After that, zone defense is the best you can do. But you'll have more experience hopefully by then, although as noted above, every child is different in their own ways. Best of luck and enjoy!
It won't hurt them, promise.
Gross story coming up: I ate out of the neighbor's sandbox when I was a toddler, and wound up with intestinal worms that almost killed me. Imagine my mom's shock when she changed my diaper and there were footlong parasites in my Pampers.
Turns out their cat used the sandbox like an outdoor version of a kitty litter box.
I never ate sand out of a sandbox that was being used as a bathroom by a cat with worms, but I did chow down on a few handfuls of mud back in my toddler days. No intestinal worms detected, so I can only assume they're still in there.
Stands to reason.
Here's a classic to start:
Another must-see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTrCBcrFMCI
Lots of good stuff here. My thoughts as a father of a 3 y/o...
1. Have a book for reference, but don't be a slave to it. If your baby is hungry, feed it. If they just ate 30 minutes ago but are acting hungry, they probably are. I know that sounds ridiculously simple, but I know a lot of people who've had hellish times trying to stick to philosophies of one sort or another.
2. I don't know where I heard this, but it has been extremely helpful to me. In reference to parents, "We don't split things 50/50, but we both give 100%." If you're both fully invested and doing the best you can, don't worry about who does what. When my daughter was born, I was working 55-60 hours a week, sometimes three late nights a week and I didn't do close to 50% of the work around the house. Now my wife is on internship and I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking, yard work, laundry, and cleaning and she mainly plays with our daughter. If you are both honestly committed to giving your child and family 100%, don't worry about the details.
First off, Congrats to you and your family. Great advice all throughout so I'll try not to repeat anything, but just remember to enjoy the moment. You can't rewind time, and no matter if you want them to or not, they grow up fast. Some days/nights are better than others starting out, but it gets better. Everyone has to start out somewhere, and many people simply learn as they go. No matter what, there really isn't a right or wrong way on how to be a good parent, it's whatever you feel is right for your family and child. I'm sure you'll do fine, and once again, Congrats!!
I'm kind of surprised there aren't more MGoDads on here, but mine is just over a year and a terror. Lunchboxthegoat... congrats first off as everyone has said.. Now on to the good stuff. Coupons will become your friends whether it be for enfamil or similiac or huggies/pampers.. I suggested the Ms. sign up for coupons from the formula you guys choose, but also to breast feed as long as possible. It saves an obscene amount of money and you also get the perk of the misses being a little extra privileged in a certain region.
Next, I would definitely invest in a swing with a mobile because he/she will be infatuated with it and it will give you guys a break since it also puts them to sleep. Your parents will still believe they know best because they have done it before, but they also help get you some free time away when you need it. I think it is also nice to get a diaper genie even though it gets kind of expensive with replacing the bags but it helps with the bad diapers.
Everything you do will be a learning curve and its ok not to know everything right away. You will find your own ways to deal with things that suit you guys the best. It gets frustrating at times but you will get it. If you have anymore personal questions I'd be glad to try and help. You are a Michigan fan so I'm sure you'll be awesome at it! Congrats again
double post i didn't think it went through the fist time sorry.
Congrats! I love her name.
I repeat what was said above: just about anything you run across is NORMAL. This too shall pass, and you'll survive it. Don't worry too much.
Have the nurses at the hospital show you some tips so you're the expert in something. My husband had never touched a baby before and was going into this with a huge disadvantage experience-wise. Then I had a tough time of labor and was out of the picture for awhile, during which time the NICU nurses gave him a crash course in everything. It ended up being a huge gift to us both, because my normally-pedantic self had to shut up and we both took equal part in all the care of our niblet. Definitely be a big partner in everything, and if your wife tries to take over, push back (gently). So what if you don't fold the onesies the "right" way?
Just a heads-up, you would not believe how much attention you'll get if you take that baby somewhere alone. The good kind of attention. Enjoy.