OT: Social Media Thoughts
I have a Twitter, but do not tweet. I only use to follow things/important people I’m interested in. Facebook I feel is the dumbest thing on earth. Not only are they being run into the ground by poor leadership, but I don’t care what people I went to high school with are up to. People claim that’s how they stay in touch, but to me, if your in my inner circle, I’ll know what’s going on with you and if you’re not, I don’t care (not in a mean way). Snapchat is ultra popular with High School kids and Instagram seems to be somewhere between twitter and Snapchat.
What do you guys think regarding social media? What do you use and why?
I have completely abandoned all of it. It's negatives highly outweigh it's positives.
I am trying this very thing. I have cut back the amount I check Twitter.
One thing about Facebook I didn’t add above is that in something like 80% of divorces in the last 5 years... Facebook has been part of the reason for the divorce (not sure where I saw that stat, but you get the point). I truly think Facebook is poison to relationships.
This is true. I had a co-worker who got divorced, because her husband found his high school sweetheart on Facebook and hooked back up with her. Thanks Facebook for that divorce.
The guy's a douche bag. Facebook was merely the medium he used to express his douchieness.
Blaming Facebook for infidelity and divorce is like blaming pornography for rape. Divorce and infidelity was here (and common) long before Facebook, and will be here long after Facebook is gone. Dumb...
Eh....yes and no. I agree the guy was probably inclined to cheat anyway. I would't blame Facebook per se.
That said, it's amazing what kind of disgusting shit people will say on Twitter and Facebook that they wouldn't dare say in real life. Does that mean that person is actually a massive douche? It might. But we don't have to deal with that douchery face-to-face because people observe norms that prevent that.
Social media has somehow succeeded in stripping away most of those norms from a lot of people. Even if those people are secretly douchenozzles, their toxic shit doesn't get all over everyone and wouldn't have in the past. Thanks to social media, they can be as toxic as they want. So specifically blaming infidelity on Facebook.....no. Blaming social media for massively increasing the overall toxicity, hate, and discontent in society? Yeah.
(Ironically, my further opinion is that social media companies should not be allowed to ban anyone at all, at least not based on the opinions that those people have. But we damn sure ought to be able to have all the tools we could ever want to block those people from showing up in our feed.)
I agree to a point.
However, the ease with which social media allows one to contact old flames, or even randoms, is probably a tipping point for some who maybe had latent urges to go looking, but suppressed them due to lack of opportunity or courage to go to great lengths to act on those urges.
It’s just way too easy to sit down on a keyboard and “innocently” correspond with a potential hookup and see where it goes from there. Nosy neighbor can’t see you at your computer, coworkers or wife’s friends don’t see your vehicle in someone else’s driveway, etc. In short, social media opened up a huge singles club for people who otherwise would likely never have had the gall to explore their “options”.
Same principle applies to the proliferation of child porn, pedophiles, and that whole milieu. No longer does one have to drive around in a creepy, windowless van. There’s a worldwide playground in your own house.
People cheat or don't cheat. Blaming it on social media is a convenient way to avoid taking personal responsibility. If it weren't his high school sweetheart, it would have been someone else.
And tbh, I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't the first one.
A gun is a paperweight until a person engages its trigger mechanism, people still want them banned, just saying. That being said I personally don’t use social media waste of time for me, if I don’t know how to get ahold of you without it The I probably don’t want to talk to you.
A rock is a paperweight
A rock could also kill or severely harm someone if a person used it a certain way. So what’s your point?
Using it as a paperweight is not appropriate gun safety.
Depends what state your in
In reality, marriage isn't a natural thing and a lot of people either settle or are pressured into it by family or given an ultimatum.
I don't think you can automatically say someone is a douchebag for deciding to have sex with someone else during what is obviously not a happy marriage. I actually think this is a good thing, because it serves as the catalyst for a breakup rather than staying together and being absolutely miserable. Or maybe he has sex one time, realizes that it wasn't what he hoped, then goes back to his current marriage now knowing he was mistaken and the grass isn't greener.
Especially in the US Midwest, a lot of guys get married before actually getting a chance to experience what else is out there. Midwesterners are generally stable and reliable, but there typically isn't much to get someone truly excited. Once they begin to meet members of the opposite sex from different cultures, it's no surprise that they begin to have feelings that they've never felt before.
This view is often expressed by douchebags who don't want to take responsibility for their infidelity. If you don't feel mature and responsible enough yet to get married, please don't. Just don't rationalize your immaturity.
And good job creating a burner account today to put this opinion out there. That at least shows you know it's a dumb idea.
human monogamy is not natural. what you are talking about is cultural norms and standards.
Getting negged for facts.
A study performed from 1960 - 1980 showed of 1,231 cultures examined around the globe, only 186 were found to be purely monogamous. That's a whopping 15.11% of human cultures. This study is easily obtained (LINK). The study, as subsequent research has found, under-reported the number of cultures where polyandry (multiple men with a single wife) was the norm, it's actually around 50+.
I mean, given the culture we live in, I get why people get all butt hurt about this topic. Most people can't fathom that their morals and beliefs are just that. Theirs.
It's insanely narcissistic to believe that ones personal morals and beliefs on marriage, religion, social constructs etc. are somehow "inherently correct for all humans" and you're labeled a douchebag for not following lock-step with their personal beliefs. But alas they come out in droves when you talk about infidelity or any other topic they feel they can stand on a soapbox and spout their self righteous nonsense.
Personally, I've been married for 21 years to the same woman. But I am not so self-righteous to think my desired way of life is better, or correct, or more appropriate than anyone else's, just because my parents said so, the society I live in says so, or my religion says so.
I don't think people necessarily disagree with you. I think it has to do with the fact that people get into marriages upon their own will and make a commitment to another person. If you believe that humans aren't meant to be monogamous, then fine. But please don't get married, make a commitment to another person (and maybe some kids), then break that commitment by saying "well, humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, so I'm cool"
Oh yea, I get that. I think that's kinda what the guy was trying to say. I think his point was more anti-marriage than "it's ok to cheat."
to be fair, i should've known better than to try and present facts in a discussion of social media
The douche part is the guy running away and banging another chick and, I’m assuming, it was without the wife’s knowledge. Dude may not be a total douche but it was a douche move for sure.
It's quite easy to simplify the majority of marriages taking place as fully-lucid lifelong decisions between two mature rational parties, but as we all know it isn't the case. Many different factors go into a decision to get married, and based on a 50%+ divorce rate, it's quite obvious that most people going into it aren't fully considering the magnitude of their decision.
I think we can all agree that marriage is an old-timey institution of the past. The thing is, marriage is one of the few decisions that a person makes for life. Due to the rapid pace of technology advancement, the world will be a significantly different(and more interconnected) place in even another 10 years, than it is now.
Can you really fault someone for making a rational decision based on the options that exist at a certain time in the past, than reconsidering that decision once the world becomes more open to them in the future?
Yes, I can fault them.
If you come to the conclusion the marriage is not working out, and you have no children, file for divorce.
If you have children the calculation is a lot different, and this isn't the forum for that.
Actually, it is even simpler than that.
How about following through with your commitment? How about doing what you promised to do. I know that may seem very Un-American right now but some people still take it seriously. A 50% divorce rate is reflective of a society that does not value family, and does not value commitment, and the proof is in the pudding.
I think it's more reflective of the fact that being married to the same person for a long time is hard, not a society that "does not value family, and does not value commitment."
I don't think I've met a single person in my life that said family doesn't matter. Personally, I think your take is 100% incorrect. But I am a nobody and my opinion doesn't matter.
Example: I promised to stay with my wife forever during our vows. She changes a LOT over the next 6 years and is a shell of who I married, and I am miserable every day. She treats me completely different from how she used to. I see nothing wrong in ending that example relationship. Screw the "promise."
Don't make the promise then.
I am not saying that people should never get divorced, but we treat marriage, and the commitment that comes with it, with such complete frivolity that it is impossible for it not to speak to a more insidious failing.
Wait, so I'm supposed to be able to magically predict the future??? That the personality of the person I made a promise to completely changes 6 years down the road and therefore, I should not make that promise?? That's literally your take??
Or is your take that even though she changed and I am miserable and really don't even like the person she's become I should stick with the promise??? Because that's flat ignorant.
In what fuckery of a universe is either of those logical, realistic or healthy?
No one should be miserable and forced to stay in a relationship that is bad for their mental and physical health (mind can affect the physical) because of a portion of society believes "divorce is horrible and you should stick to your promises you made 6 years ago to a totally different person."
Also, both marriage and divorce rates have been dropping since the 1990s so I guess, based on your previous comments, the world and our society are getting better ...... or is the "insidious failing" still happening, but is unrelated to divorce rates? Which nullifies your first point? Just curious because your comments and readily available facts don't see to be lining up at all.
I think too many people get divorced, and that it erodes the family unit and has an overall corrosive impact on our culture. I don't know your situation and it was not my intention to target you specifically and I apologize if it came across that way.
No, it didn't come across that way. I just think our personal beliefs on marriage/family should be that. As free Americans, we should not expect anyone to live by what we feel is correct, or proper, or righteous.
I have been married for 21 years. And, I am a child of divorced parents. I know my childhood would have been WAY worse if my parents would have stayed together. They basically hated each other after about 8 years (my biological father changed a lot to where his own sister and brother barely recognized who he was). They separated and went their own ways to find happiness so I ended up with two separate but happy parents instead of two miserable ones living together because of a promise.
And to your point, I'd say statistically, unwed parents (teens etc.) erodes the family unit and has an overall corrosive impact on our culture FAR moreso than two people who tried to make it work but couldn't, got divorced, leaving both parents much happier. Though that's not my personal opinion, just a statement that appears to be supported by facts, that I'm too lazy to link at the moment
My parents should have divorced and my childhood sucked ass because they didn't. Staying together solely because you made a commitment is an awful idea and you're wasting the one life you get.
There has never been a time in human history where people have fully "honored the commitment" of marriage. The idea that it is worse now is just appearance. In the past, instead of getting divorced, people just snuck around and violated their oaths in secret. Now that divorce is mainstream, most of those same people just get divorced and do away with the pretense.
It would be great if everyone that got married worked hard at making their marriage work and never needed divorce. I've watched my friends from college over the years. Some have only been married once. Some have been divorced. The divorced ones are no worse people than the others--they just ended up in bad marriages.
I think we can all agree that this account, established today, was created specifically to troll. The content certainly doesn't merit any credible attention.
Wait, wut? You don't think the guy who joined today who goes by the name "Spicy Latino" is a recognized authority on moral and cultural norms surrounding marriage and fidelity? Surely you jest... :)
That's the problem. They have no idea they aren't responsible enough to get married. They have marriage counseling for engaged couples. By then it's already too late. Couples need to be couseled when they are dating but no one ever thinks about that.
username checks out
What a bunch of crap, no offense. Marriage is about making sacrifices to make someone who you truly care about happy. It's the hardest, and most rewarding thing I've ever had to do. Some people are unwilling to do that, and those people either never met the right person, or should not be married.
Username checks out
(NOTE: I'm married to a spicy latina whose father cheated on her mother a bunch)
As long as you find one who isn't too spicy(crazy), Latin women are the best in the world. Family-oriented, know how to build a man up and make him the best he can be, typically care about appearance.
Yes, Latin men can have a tendency to cheat. But this is what oftentimes keeps them married. They still love their wife and family, and sex is an entirely different biological need that is no longer being taken care of at home.
I've been married to the same woman for 40 years. She's Mexican-American, and has had to deal with the asinine—not to mention grossly inaccurate—cultural stereotypes you're peddling for her entire life.
You're Franklin Hatchett with a new minority schtick.
While it's obviously not true of every single Latina in the world, those stereotypes exist for a reason. And I congratulate you on your fortune of 40 years of happy marriage with a great woman.
Outdated stereotypes with little historical basis in reality for $500, Alex.
Really, that last paragraph is a doozy.
Vows matter. If you promise to be faithful to someone (in front of loved ones, witnesses, and vested legal authority) and then you are not faithful, then that is your fault and you are at fault and you are in the wrong.
Exactly. If you and your spouse or significant other go into a relationship with an understanding that it’s non-monogamous that’s fine. But to say that it’s human nature, you were too young, or society pressures you are BS excuses. You hurt someone you made a commitment to. If you’re not responsible enough don’t do it, or find someone who’s willing to be in an open relationship. It’s a piece of shit move to do what that guy did and to defend him is asinine.
I’m not on any of the traditional social media’s although I occasionally read forums/ message boards like this one. Sometimes they get to be a little too much and remind me why I’ll never be on traditional social media.
WTF? Dude could have taken ownership of his relationship instead of taking the cowards way out.
You should really look into a career as a house painter, as you have some of the broadest brushes I've ever seen.
I feel pretty confident saying it's an asshole thing to sleep with someone else while you're married, or at least to do so without telling your significant other. There are a lot of ways to lead to a breakup that don't revolve around hiding the fact you're hooking up with someone else. In fact, I tend to think people who do so aren't all that unhappy in the relationship; they're just assholes who want the "stability" of knowing there's someone waiting for them at home while being able to do what they want, seemingly without much concern for the feelings of others. The whole "I'll just cheat on my significant other once to see how it feels" thing has always been a rationalization to justify consistent negative behavior.
But then again, this whole post reads so heavily male that I'm fairly certain you haven't thought a lot about women and, well, human beings beyond yourself for some time.
Methinks thou doth protest too much. (Comment for Spicy Latino)
Sounds to me like that husband is just a piece of shit, and if he didn't cheat on his wife with his HS sweetheart, he would've eventually done it with someone else. Its not like Facebook just created the urge for him to cheat. That urge was already there. Facebook just made it easier for him to act on it.
I think social media introduces a lot of cons into our society, don't get me wrong. But saying "oh well, it's Facebook's fault that they got divorced" is, in my opinion, a lazy and irresponsible argument. Whatever happened to personal accountability, and taking responsibility for one's own actions?
Are you trying to tell me that a social media site that has designed and employed an algorithm to determine which side of the fence you sit on and then peppers you with news designed to anger you because after years of collecting data they’ve determined that the best way to get users to come back and engage on the site is to piss them off could be harmful to relationships? Oh and you can look up old flames?! What could go wrong?
Hah, yes. I am constantly amused by so-called "big Data" being some sort of threat. If they were a real threat they would at least know by now I don't want to see ads from that side of the political spectrum. AI my rear end.
At least I get amusement out of reporting them as Fake News now. Whoever thought up that feature was a genius!
fake news, marriage vows, got any church views for us?