CC: We Need a Super Hero (or a Cartoon Character) - Who is Your Choice

Submitted by xtramelanin on November 30th, 2020 at 10:55 AM

Mates,

When Harbaugh was hired it seemed for many reasons to be the perfect hire.  Indeed, the first few years were all pointing in the right direction.  We know that unfortunately that momentum has been lost and it can be legitimately asked 'what happened to the guy we hired?'  As most here have posted recently, it is almost certainly time to move on, but that leaves a big question:  Who do you hire?

It'll take what amounts to a Super Hero to make this fan base happy and to overcome Sauron and the evil kingdom in ohio.  Right now our coaching looks like a blend of Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd, with a DC of Yosemite Sam, and performance like Teletubbies. 

The list of possible candidates is quite large, but here is an initial review of possibilities

Captain America, Cap:  Loved by his team, stuck in WW II mindset and likely to have trouble adapting to the new offensive and defensive realities.

Dr Strange:  Offensive powerhouse, creative, but thin resume.

Thor:  God of thunder, strong proponent of power running game.  Can foresee trouble with officials of calls don't go our way.

Loki: SEC style coach, morally casual, like Tressell but immortal

 

Wile E. Coyote:  Touts himself as a super genius with grand plans and tremendous support from Acme recruiting service, but he's never won.  Not once.  

Hulk: D line, maybe strength and conditioning coach

Spider man:  Young, untested, but seems like he'd be a natural DB’s coach

Road runner. Speed in space, no passing game.  

Flash, see Road Runner, above

Black Panther:  Too busy ruling Wakanda, not likely to take a job in AA. 

*Wonder Woman:    Amazon princess, unfamiliar with football, but is said to have worked for Israeli Defense Force prior to acting career, should be a natural at disguising coverages.   Rumored to have hit top opposing (nuclear) QB over the weekend, removing from game. 

Superman: Old school, excellent all around game, would need to make certain that ‘Ohio’ is not his kryptonite.  Also, allegedly had an illicit relationship with a woman at work, though Lois never complained.  Allegedly. 

Bugs bunny:   Media darling, clever, but will he stay on task?

The questions are easy, they write themselves almost

1.  Who/Which Super Hero or Cartoon character do you pick (or pan)?  Space Ghost?  Johnny Quest?  Popeye? Aqua Man?  Who you got?

2.  The most important question:  Why?

It's Monday, seemed like we needed something to lighten the mood.

XM

 

MGoBoard
Football

Teeba

November 30th, 2020 at 11:12 AM ^

Eric Taylor. If he can win with Matt Saracen as QB1, he ought to be able to get something out of McNamara/McCarthy. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Joined: 09/25/2019

MGoPoints: 3282

MacMarauder

November 30th, 2020 at 11:26 AM ^

Professor X, he has experience building and managing a program aka the X Men. Also he could read the opponents minds or change the direction of a football in the air. 

Joined: 01/22/2016

MGoPoints: 6226

MacaroniParty

November 30th, 2020 at 11:48 AM ^

It didn't take a super hero to defeat Sauron.

A diminutive halfling with an indomitable will.

We need someone with a vision to succeed and the backbone stay the course when it looks bleak.

Also a team around him working in unison to push him to succeed, pick him up and shoulder the weight when the burden becomes too much for one man.

Joined: 07/28/2012

MGoPoints: 2325

Pthorne17

November 30th, 2020 at 11:51 AM ^

IMHO if the administration isn’t on board it doesn’t really matter who you hire it’s going to be the same old same old. If this were me and I was the AD I would push to move the Ohio State game to earlier in the season ( I realize this won’t be popular but move the MSU game and OSU games). Then I would hire a coach that will recruit high end defensive tackles. Also like Urban Mayer says run offensive schemes to isolate mismatches for your best players. Like OSU and Bama or not but they have created a dog eat dog mentality don’t do your job get replaced. Once again this is just my opinion of where to start.  

Joined: 10/24/2011

MGoPoints: 149

s1105615

November 30th, 2020 at 12:41 PM ^

While not necessarily endorsing the position, I’ll play devils advocate:

Moving OSU off of the last week of the season allows both teams to play when generally completely healthy.  UM has been plagued by the team getting injury depleted through November for what feels like forever (maybe UM wins in 2016 and 2017 if they have a healthy Speight). It also allows the season to have a chance of finishing with a win and positive momentum headed into (normally) the bowl season.  
 

Every season since 2011 has ended with a resounding thud.  OSU not the last game gives a better chance of a that not happening.  Does it really help anything other than how it feels?  Probably not.

Joined: 03/01/2014

MGoPoints: 8603

trueblueintexas

November 30th, 2020 at 12:23 PM ^

I say Michigan hires co-head coaches and and we ask Phineas & Ferb.

Pro's:

  • They know what they are going to do today
  • Can build anything
  • Can influence friends to help
  • Smart
  • Young yet they have a respect for the old school
  • Have 104 days to focus on creating a game plan to beat OSU
  • Sister will try to bust players who are not following team rules
  • Unsuspecting pet platypus can spy and steal opponent game plans

Con's:

  • Not sure what they do the other 261 days of the year
  • No M hat will fit on Phineas' head properly
  • May have a platypus as team mascot
  • Hidden evil bagman Dr. Doofenshmirtz is incompetent and will get exposed (on the plus side, the AD will always be able to hit the self-destruct button before sanctions are imposed)

Joined: 11/10/2008

MGoPoints: 36707

MGoFoam

November 30th, 2020 at 12:37 PM ^

Hannibal Smith.

"Give me a minute, I'm good. If I've got an hour, I'm great. You give me six months, I'm unbeatable."

"I love it when a plan comes together."

Joined: 04/11/2014

MGoPoints: 12157

treetown

November 30th, 2020 at 1:02 PM ^

When in doubt we turn to our trusted heroes.

Captain America: self-reported many violations and while adored by the older alumni, he wanted to install a tight T-formation with an occasional A and box formation just like good old 1941. The fullback belly series worked then, it should work now.

Dr. Strange: brilliant unorthodox strategies and will pull off amazing comebacks like one in 16 million chance when down 42 points in the fourth quarter, but can’t get along with central campus types who insist magic isn’t real and his best recruiting ground is in Nepal and Tibet where they don’t play American football.

Thor: Power game proponent, but has unfortunate habit when excited during the game of bringing down lighting that delays the game until he calms down + 30 minutes. Game against OSU takes 12 hours to play.

Loki: pretty much accurate but even he has standards that he won’t cross. College football recruiting and coaching is something he won’t touch.

Iron Man: Tony Stark donates a lot of money and a new shiny building to the Engineering College. He installs hyper reality helmet to help QB grasp shifting reads and options – recruits can’t handle it despite the help of Jarvis; ultimately he proposes to replace all players with Iron Man robots. Never stays for the whole game, always jets off after the first quarter leaving a scorch mark on the golf course where he parked his jet.

Superman: rumors of him running around with Lois Lane get caught on film making him the “other man” – shamed by society since that Clark Kent fellow seems so nice. (Nice to see the original poster is up to date on the latest Lois Lane saga, Enemy of the People by Greg Rucka).

Bugs Bunny: Can a basketball coach win with a football team? Bugs is the only coach to have led the world best basketball players over the Monstars but can’t resist a gag. Ultimately took it too far when he sawed off Florida and let it drift to Cuba in order to eliminate it as recruiting ground for the SEC.

Popeye: never adapted to being landlocked and his heavy spinach diet alienates many recruits and the kale crowd. Media complains that they can’t get any good quotes due his mumblings.

Spiderman: brilliant in practice but never shows up for games; always has some lame excuse of having great responsibilities. Also his aunt May is always snooping around asking after him.

Mary Worth: Can’t understand why football players need to be so aggressive, but does solve most of the teams and the coaching staff’s interpersonal and relationship problems. Due to her age, she is under home quarantine.

If you like comics, go to the Vault of Midnight on Main Street; easily one of the best comic book shops in the country.

Clearly everyone is loopy and punch drunk by the season. Ready for a nice long hibernation.

Joined: 11/10/2010

MGoPoints: 6339

TheWolverine_13

November 30th, 2020 at 1:26 PM ^

Gonna go with my childhood pick here and float Ash Ketchum’s name out there. Very supportive leaders and keeps a light atmosphere for the team.

Problem is he struggles against his rivals and has managed to choke on the biggest stage multiple times. 

I was going to pick Foghorn Leghorn for his craftiness but no way UM tolerates a southerner like him.
 

Edit: Is Hayden Fox available?

Joined: 10/31/2020

MGoPoints: 474

hillbillyblue

November 30th, 2020 at 1:52 PM ^

How about Rick Sanchez? 

1) A genius with questionable morals that will do whatever it takes to get the job done, even if it means putting his grandson in danger. 

2) Entertaining press conferences.  He'd make Mike Leach look boring, kind of like a Harbaugh press conference.

3) Awesome gadgets.

Need I say more?

Joined: 03/17/2012

MGoPoints: 7301