Baseball defeats Appalachian State

We will need to beat them 104-0.  We will need to injure their starting QB, their backup QB, and their third-string QB.

We will need to beat them, then kill their coach, attach ropes to his four limbs, and quarter his lifeless body.  His head will need to be severed and placed on top of the left-hand pole of the north endzone goalposts.

And finally, with the band playing The Victors, we will need to erect a platform at midfield, where Lloyd Carr, wearing a flowing Blue robe and a Maize crown, will plunge a large knife into the chest of an Appalachian State cheerleader and remove her still-beating heart, holding it high over his head while the entire Appalachian State football tream is enslaved and paraded around the field in chains.

That should exorcise finish it, probably.  I hope Brandon is working on all of these plans, plus commemorative uniforms for the occasion.

Named Spike.  That's all I know about them.

ruin the thread, evil kitty.

"My enormous ego required me to schedule this game as to avoid the mean things that the other Big Ten AD's say about my football program. Also, what corporation would not want to be the sponsor for the Michigan-Appalachain state revenge game? Me and my marketing team are already formulating a name for this game, the 'My Ego Can't Handle That Loss Seven Years Ago Game Sponsored By Kraft Macaroni'."- Dave Brandon.

ANN ARBOR (AP) - Asked today why he scheduled a rematch with Appalachian State after Michigan's humiliating loss to the then Number-1 ranked FCS team on September 1, 2007, Michigan Athletic Director David Brandon today said, "I was joking; I asked my guys in football operations for one of those pens that has disappearing ink in it, and when we signed the contract, I never thought that it would stick.  A week later, when the press started reporting on it, I asked what happened to the disappearing-ink pen, and my guys said that it was in a box with all of the CARA forms."

Realizing that he had indeed formally committed Michigan to a rematch in Ann Arbor, Brandon then asked if he could void the contract with a letter, to be delivered right before Michigan's next game with Appalachian State in Boone, North Carolina.  "Notre Dame did it to us; right?" Brandon reportedly asked.  

Retired Associate Athletic Director Bruce Madej then informed Brandon that Michigan doesn't have an established rivalry with Appalachian State and that Michigan never traveled to Boone.  Sources indicated that Madej was tasked with delivering that news to Brandon because all of the current staff feared retaliation if they took responsibility for such bad news.  

Newly-appointed Associate Athletic Director for Media and Public Relations Ace Williams, speaking on background, elaborated; "Remember how baked the defense was before the game in 2007?  Well, that's what Dave was like when he signed the contract.  The disappearing-ink pen never existed.  You know Dave was an undergraduate here in 1972, right?"  

Willilams continued;  "Do I need to spell it out for you?  He's a very mellow man, when he's outside of the Junge Center press conferences."  The University of Michigan's central campus Director of Media Relations Kelly Cunningham indicated that a search for a new Associate Director for Media and Public Relations to replace Williams would begin immediately following the next meeting of the Board of Regents 

Brandon indicated that he intended to make the best of a bad situation, and said that he thought that the spread as of August, 2014 would feature Michigan -28 points and that he felt that the Athletic Department's latest bond offering of $240 million could be leveraged into a massive play, taking the points as well as the "Over" on an O/U of 66.  "We could make eight or ten million, plus our regular net, that weekend," Brandon said, beaming with apparent satisfaction.

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