Unverified Voracity Searches For Snakehole
Mark Emmert (left) and FBI investigator Burt Macklin
CHEESE IT! THE FEDS! The FBI probably has better things to do than this, but they're doing this anyway:
The worst-kept secret in college basketball is how coaches, sneaker executives, sports agents, travel-team coaches and financial advisers, often through under-the-table payments, steer top high school talent first to NCAA programs and later to apparel brands and professional representation once they enter the NBA.
Tuesday, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York blew this shadowy world open in ways that have never before been seen, indicting 10 men, including active assistant basketball coaches at Arizona, Auburn, Oklahoma State and USC, plus an executive for adidas, in a widespread case that is sure to rock college basketball to its core.
While only four schools are currently involved, the complaints will provide a treasure map for NCAA investigators as it tells stories of endless payouts and kickbacks in the recruitment of numerous top prospects over the past three years.
Apparently this is illegal because of... bribery and stuff? Because NCAA coaches get federal funding and therefore... unlicensed amphibious rodent... city limits? I don't know.
What I suspect is that everyone named in this investigation is going to flip immediately, because their careers are done either way and ain't nobody going to jail for Rick Pitino. This will spread, and the allegations are seismic for at least one school:
This is unreal, where a U of L coach says "we gotta be very low key" since U of L is already on probation. pic.twitter.com/JfSLiQ5h1G
— Jason Riley (@JasonRileyWDRB) September 26, 2017
The NCAA has said it will never use the death penalty again, Pat Forde says do it anyway. We're about to find out how far they're willing to go in 2017. This brazenness will not stand:
Louisville received its punishment from the NCAA 6/11. A bball assistant was in a hotel room in Vegas w/Adidas conspiring to cheat on 7/27.
— Mark Ennis (@MarkEnnis) September 26, 2017
Unless it does. But probably not!
Don't expect anything immediate, as the FBI has not interacted with the NCAA yet. The wheels of (sort of) justice grind slowly.
Is this actually good if you want players paid? In the short term, no. But the more naked the system is, the more clear it is that shoe companies run five-star basketball recruiting, the less tenable the NCAA's position is. Maybe this won't force the schools to offer their own money, but surely at some point the fact that a large majority of the top players are bought has to open the doors to above-the-table third party payments.
"But then boosters and shoe companies will own college basketball," hypothetical argument guy says before realizing that is the status quo.
It was not a dream. PFF All Big Ten teams from last week feature one John O'Korn:
PFF Week 4 - B1G Team of the Week - Offense pic.twitter.com/O6m4CDQETe
— PFF College Football (@PFF_College) September 26, 2017
So it wasn't just you. People not desperately invested in the hope John O'Korn provided during the last three quarters of that game also thought he was pretty dang good. Though not as good as Saquon Barkley, which got dang son.
Bush, Hurst, Winovich, and Hill all made the defensive team, FWIW.
Poor Damn DJ Durkin. Maryland QB Kasim Hill is out for the season, following on the heels of Piggy Pigrome getting knocked out in the Texas game. Caleb Henderson is still out with some sort of foot thing, so fourth-stringer Max Bortenschlager played most of the game against UCF, which was a terrible defeat. Incredibly, this is not the first time Durkin has had to turn to a fourth-stringer who sounds like a shot you'd order at Rick's*. Bortenschlager started the Nebraska game last year, a 28-7 loss.
Things were even worse in 2012—when Maryland lost five QBs, one to transfer and four to injury, eventually moving a freshmnan LB to the spot—and 2015, when four different guys played, one of whom subsequently became a linebacker.
This one sucks more than those because Durkin had just racked up a statement win at Texas and the Terrapins looked like they were on their way to... 8-4? Now they're going to be scratching out bowl eligibility. But at least they've got this going for them:
Oh ok pic.twitter.com/6BHtljVuWl
— David Ruff (@dcarterruff) September 23, 2017
I say that in all sincerity.
*[I imagine? I never went, and when I tell people this 50% of them say I am very smart and 50% say I am very dumb. Anyway, a MAX BORTENSCHLAGER is 1/3rd Everclear, 1/3 Goldschlager, and 1/3 BORT, which is... Swedish port? Yeah.
I think I just invented the world's worst drink.]
Taking those bullets for us. Michigan had three head-to-head recruiting battles with Texas for 2016 kids that they lost: Jordan Elliott, Jean Delance, and Chris Daniels. With Daniels's just-announced departure, all three of those guys have left Austin in just over a year. Michigan filled in the DT slot with Mike Dwumfour, who's emerging into a rotation piece on a top-five defense in year two.
They filled the OT slot with... nobody. This was the class that saw Swenson forcibly decommitted and Devery Hamilton flip; Michigan added Stephen Spanellis, a guard, late.
Harbaugh joins the cause. Harbaugh on punting:
Speaking Tuesday on "Attack Each Day: The Harbaugh's Podcast," the Michigan football coach suggested the NCAA implement a rule similar to the NFL when it comes to punt returns.
"There's only two eligible players that are allowed to leave in the pro game before the ball is punted," Harbaugh said."In college, anybody can leave before the ball is punted. It's a player-safety (issue), to have 10 players converging on a punt returner. A defenseless player is not what we want in our game."
That change has long been advocated here, not for player safety issues but boring thing issues. NFL rules would create more returns and fewer fair catches.
Graham Glasgow, still Graham Glasgow. Ain't no party like a Glasgow party because everyone's standing next to the wall nursing a drink and making ham-fisted attempts at a flicker of human interaction before retreating into a shell of fear and self-loathing WOOOO:
.@ShowtimeTate: "We're going to try to involve him next time. Poor Graham. He just wants to be included."
— Detroit Lions (@Lions) September 20, 2017
pic.twitter.com/FZ2VomzH44
The receivers have sworn to get him involved next time, but Glasgow knows deep in his heart that is a lie and no one will ask him to prom ever.
Baumgardner on Bush. He does many things:
When watching defenders, it's important not to get completely caught up in box score stats. A great example of this came three years ago, when Ohio State defensive end Joey Bosa finished his final college season with modest sack totals, but constantly graded out as one of the most impact-making defenders in the country due to his presence on the field and what he was able to force.
Impact plays. For a player like Bush, this can mean many things. A sack, a pass break-up, a forced fumble, an interception, a quarterback pressure, an effort play that results in a zero rush or tackle for loss. Against Purdue on Saturday, I counted 13 impact plays for Michigan's inside linebacker.
Thirteen.
I'd like to see a few more stats get standardized, like QB hits and hurries, to better quantify those results.
Etc.: Many UF felonies. Bright side: nobody will say "oh, Michigan beat Florida without all those players." OSU depth DT Malik Barrow tears ACL. Iowa wavin' at stuff. Five stages of Purdue loss. Grant Newsome got some unspecified good news from his doctor; hopefully he remains on path for a recovery. Trashin' on the NFL, sure I'll link that. Twice, even. Jim and Don, a love story. Wisconsin fans stunned at how nice BYU fans are.
September 26th, 2017 at 3:40 PM ^
That Graham Glasgow gif makes me smile SO much. It is one of the greatest things ever.
September 26th, 2017 at 8:32 PM ^
The only bad part of the NCAA basketball sting is that the other shoe companies didn't get caught.
September 26th, 2017 at 9:11 PM ^
"The investigation is ongoing and we are conducting interviews as I speak."
"If you have been involved in these activities, we suggest you call us. I think it's better than us calling you."
One of the people arrested used to run leagues for Nike before moving to Adidas. You think he won't roll over on his former employer?
September 27th, 2017 at 9:07 AM ^
of the FBI and the feds time. There are plenty of other things, things in the news every day, (no politics) that they could be chasing down. Not this.
I'm concerned about real crimes, crimes that hurt people or hurt the country. Giving dudes lots of money to endorse Adidas or go to a certain college hurts no one anywhere. There are no victims there. We don't need givernment involvement in this.
September 26th, 2017 at 3:44 PM ^
that md video though, That's incredible.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:30 PM ^
Pretty sure she is Duffman come to life.
September 27th, 2017 at 10:55 PM ^
Attempt at explaining how she did it: https://www.inverse.com/article/36765-maryland-beer-crush-head
September 26th, 2017 at 3:46 PM ^
Then, at the bottom of that link, I found another link that had this spoof in an article titled "Harbaugh Displeased with Lack of Live Dairy Cow in Visiting Locker Room:"
I FIND IT EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING AND DISRESPECTFUL THAT PURDUE FAILED TO PROVIDE A LIVE DAIRY COW IN OUR LOCKER ROOM ON SATURDAY SO THAT WE CAN HAVE FRESH WHOLE MILK. IT SEEMS TO BE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT OF GAMESMANSHIP TO NOT PROVIDE SUCH A BASIC NEED, JUST SO THEY CAN GET AN ADVANTAGE OVER THE OPPONENT.
ALL THAT WAS PROVIDED WERE TWO GALLONS OF CANDY-ASS SKIM MILK. SOME OF OUR PLAYERS HAD TO SIT ON OUR BUSES WITH BUILT IN WHOLE MILK DISPENSERS IN ORDER TO REFRESH. IT’S BECOME APPARENT AFTER GOING AROUND TO ALL THE VISITING SCHOOLS IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS THAT THIS IS A CONSCIOUS EFFORT OF GAMESMANSHIP. IT IS UNSPORTSMANLIKE WHEN YOU HAVE LOCKER ROOMS THAT DO NOT SERVE WHOLE MILK, LET ALONE 2%. PEOPLE ARE WALKING BY AND WATCHING YOU SIP ON SKIM MILK. IT’S EMBARRASSING.
IT MAY BE LEAGUE-WIDE, BUT I AM SPECIFICALLY CALLING OUT PURDUE BECAUSE THEY MADE ME MAD. IT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED BY THE LEAGUE, NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED BY THE COMMISSIONER AND WE’RE GOING TO LEAD THE WAY. WE’RE GOING TO LOOK AT WHAT WE HAVE, BUT THERE NEEDS TO BE A WAY FOR A PLAYER TO GET WHOLE MILK IN THE STADIUM. THERE HAS TO BE A MINIMUM STANDARD OF CARE FOR THE PLAYERS.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:32 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 4:50 PM ^
Purdue fans have no idea.
When Michigan lost to Northwestern in 1996, I drank an entire bottle of Old Crow and then started really drinking. My friends and I sat around in the dining room of my frat house taking turns pissing into a soup pot.
When Michigan lost to MSU in 1993, the friends I went to the game with and I tore our tickets into little pieces, chewed them, and swallowed. We at the fucking tickets, man.
When Michigan lost to Northwestern in 2000, a gorgeous Northwestern co-ed came up to me on my way out of the stadium and said something like "Go Wildcats!" My voice was insanely hoarse from 3+ hours of screaming so I summoned my best serial killer voice and replied "I can smell your c***."
When Michigan lost to Illinois in 1999...
Whatever. There is no point reliving this shit. But some Purdue guy is going to act like their bullshit program losing a game is a big deal? Right.
September 26th, 2017 at 5:48 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 3:47 PM ^
No drink can possibly be worse than a Cement Mixer.
The entire purpose is that it curdles in your mouth and becomes semi-solid.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:07 PM ^
Now this next drink we created 2 years ago on a golf trip. Sounds terrible, but tastes better than it should. Basically a Jager bomb with Cabernet. as the second component. We affectionately call it "Blood of Christ". Enjoy.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:22 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 4:24 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 4:30 PM ^
Yes, those will get you drunk very fast.
The cement mixer's only purpose is to make you sick.
It's worse than when an asshole bartender would empty the spill tray into a mixer to make someone's free birthday shot.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:29 PM ^
It's just hot sauce.
September 26th, 2017 at 5:57 PM ^
It's "just hot sauce" when it's 1 or 2 or even 10 dashes. When the alchol to hot sauce ratio approaches or even exceeds the 1:1 mark, that's really... uncomfortable.
September 27th, 2017 at 10:01 AM ^
Ugh, Prarie Fire.
I turned 21 on a Sunday, so like good citizens my fraternity brothers picked me up (literally, physically) and carried me to a bar at 11:59 Saturday night. They then told me that, as a member of the fraternity, it was a rite of passage to take a specific shot on your 21st birthday.
I took the shot.
Nothing at first.
Then, a complete, burning, implosion in the back of my mouth.
I chased it with a whole 12-ounce Miller Lite glass, and then ran to the bathroom expecting to throw up. Thankfully (maybe, maybe not) I kept it down.
I come out, they're all laughing maniacally. I ask them what *that* was, and they told me a Prairie Fire.
F that drink.
September 26th, 2017 at 3:50 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 3:57 PM ^
I always viewed Ricks as containment area for all the douchebags on campus. On the two times I went there, that view was very much validated.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:16 PM ^
The first two times I went to Rick's I thought it was the most disgusting off-putting awful place I have ever been to. I still think that but I also love it.
I don't know. My friends and I just went there to dance and look silly. And Rick's was perfect because everyone there looks a lot worse than silly. We kept to ourselves, didn't hit on anyone, didn't start fights, and just danced and then went to NYPD. I will always remember that fondly.
In conclusion, I love Rick's. Whether that makes me one of the many douchebags, I don't know. Survey says probably.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:23 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 6:10 PM ^
But there were lots of fun places without douchebags (or fewer at least) on campus, on the same block even (Mitch's was always my favorite in that area). There wasn't anything about Rick's that offset much higher concentration of douche.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:26 PM ^
Was it '89 or '90 they featured dollar pitchers? Swear that was Rick's.
Charlie's was the place I avoided.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:28 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 4:32 PM ^
There used to be $.05 beer night at a bar on Purdue's campus. They also did $1 well drinks in "trash cans" that were about 32 ounces.
Probably not a bad thing that they used eminent domain to seize it and tear it down. It's a public library now.
September 26th, 2017 at 6:03 PM ^
Was Mitch's the one above the bike shop, across from VC, and kitty corner from Touchdown at the corner of South U and Forest?
Bouncer there wouldn't let my friend in b/c he thought his REAL Colorado license was fake... :rolleyes:
We used to go to Nectarine on... Thursday night, I think? Whichever night it was, originally gay night, but all the Asians also went there, so it pretty much became gaysian night.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:44 PM ^
Bad things. Bad. Bad Esterhaus. With Dominick's at least my friends could toss me in a fountain. Bad Esterhaus. Bad.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:53 PM ^
They did that at least in 1992, which was the one time I went to Rick's.
September 26th, 2017 at 5:07 PM ^
they had dollar pitchers until 2002, i think. one night per week. so did touchdowns and mitch's.
September 26th, 2017 at 6:10 PM ^
Dollar pitchers was Mitch's
September 26th, 2017 at 4:32 PM ^
sucks not being able to dance and have fun because you focus too much on the random people around you.
September 26th, 2017 at 6:13 PM ^
Sucks that you think Rick's is the only place on campus to dance and have fun.
September 26th, 2017 at 5:26 PM ^
September 26th, 2017 at 3:51 PM ^
My quarterback son is also named Bort
September 26th, 2017 at 3:53 PM ^
I dated that girl's mother.
September 26th, 2017 at 3:53 PM ^
I just want to say the wife and I finished binge watching Parks n Rec on Netflix yesterday, and I wanted to give a +1 to the author of this article for using a Parks n Rec image. Very funny show, and it had a pretty good series finale, which is hard to say for most tv shows.
September 26th, 2017 at 8:06 PM ^
30 Rock disappears from Netflix on Oct. 1, I've got like the last two seasons to get through this week. This is so stressful.
September 26th, 2017 at 3:54 PM ^
In Chicago, it's called a "Max Malortenschlager".
September 26th, 2017 at 5:04 PM ^
This is correct.
September 26th, 2017 at 3:56 PM ^
people at work are looking at me because of:
unlicensed amphibious rodent... city limits?
I just couldnt stifle the laughter. Priceless.
September 26th, 2017 at 6:30 PM ^
<derete>
September 26th, 2017 at 7:18 PM ^
/s
September 26th, 2017 at 3:59 PM ^
Everyone knows you don't order shots at Rick's. $10 sharkbowls! Which probably have all the ingredients Brian listed in them anyways.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:01 PM ^
I really don't understand PFF's grading anymore; I looked up Speight's performance against UCF last year (where he completed 68% of his passes for 312 yards and 4 TDs without a pick) and it earned a 66.4 grade. O'Korn played great, but was he nearly 20 "PFF Bucks" or whatever better? No idea, but this feels rather arbitrary. Barkley being a 97 makes sense, but anyone with two functioning eyeballs would say "guy who breaks offensive record played well".
I hope the FBI just crushes a team for fraud. Sure it's a waste of taxpayer money, but if it means for once the NCAA is forced to recognize that the shitty fiefdom they are running is immensely corrupt and the rest of the world thinks it's a joke, then good. Also, I personally like to see Pitino get raked over the coals because I remember people being vocally unhappy with Michigan getting Amaker instead of him years ago, and I never thought he'd work at Michigan and thought we dodged a bullet. Had I know about message boards where basketball was talked about, I'd have posted the same.
I was amazed looking at the box score for both teams and I didn't see a QB Hit recorded for Purdue or Michigan. I get that hits are like assists in basketball at times (highly subjective), but nobody watched that game and thought the only time a QB was hit was on a sack.
September 26th, 2017 at 4:31 PM ^
Maybe it's just me, but I don't find the FBI arresting people for transferring large sums of money tax-free then immediately turning around and scamming American taxpayers out of Pell Grant money which the student very obviously does not need (because they just got 100K tax-free) to be a waste of taxpayer money.
September 26th, 2017 at 5:45 PM ^
I'm more arguing that on the grand scheme of things, this isn't that much money, and it is just money. I'd much rather the government spend my tax dollars on punishing schools for allowing cultures of sexual assaults (like we saw at Baylor and PSU) to go by with (relatively) limited punishment. I'd trade shoe companies giving people money they shouldn't in exchange for bombing your Baylor's and PSU's into the stone age. My hope is that I won't have to choose in the future.
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