College Move-In/Empty Nesting Open Thread
A busy week ahead for me and my wife, 1991 UM Grad.
Moving son (2023 UM Grad) in to his apartment near Oakland and Tappan. Due to a toxic housemate, a less-than-empathetic landlord, and the oddities of the new Ann Arbor landlord-tenant laws, he had to move out of his junior-year house last week...and then in to his apartment tomorrow. A little bit of a bummer because the five remaining housemates got along well and would have liked to have stayed in the house for a second year, but alas...
Moving daughter (2026 UM Grad) in to North Quad on Wednesday. Her roommate flies in from NY on Thursday, and we are hosting the roommate and her parents for dinner at our home...which should be nice. They found each other on social media. The communication ecosystem for incoming female college freshmen is quite something to behold. Within minutes of posting (on Snap Chat) about her acceptance at Michigan this past March, she had girls reaching out to her from all over the country with roommate inquiries. She clicked right away with her eventual roommate; they've even had the opportunity to get together both here in SE MI and in NY. They are in a suite in North Quad, with a living room and bathroom connected to another bedroom. Fingers crossed that my daughter and her roommate get along with the other two girls.
And, with that, we are empty nesters!
On the bittersweet scale, my wife and I both skew to the "sweet" end when it comes to our kids getting older, moving on to different stages, and hitting various milestones. While we've been blessed with very easy-to-raise kids, we are, after 21 years, ready to relinquish many of the day-to-day parenting duties. The old phrase "big kids, big kid problems" does ring true to a degree, but we are ready to reclaim full control over our daily schedule...and are looking forward to being able to travel a bit more and come and go as we please.
Interestingly, there are multiple longitudinal studies that indicate that overall life satisfaction decreases when people have their first child...and then increases when the youngest moves out of the house. Parenting is certainly a joyful and rewarding experience, but it is also stressful and a lot of work.
I've enjoyed seeing our kids grow and mature...and am excited to see our daughter spread her wings in the way that our son has done so during his three years in Ann Arbor.
That being said, there will be tears (mostly happy) shed at least a few times. And, for sure, tears will be shed on 9/3, when the team takes the field and the band plays "The Victors." I was a hot mess at the first game in 2019, thinking about my son having achieved his life-long goal of attending Michigan...and knowing he was just across the field in the student section...beginning the next stage of his life.
What say you?
Anyone else moving in their kids to college this week? Anyone else becoming an empty-nester?
Any interesting roommate/housemate stories?
Go Blue!
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:29 AM ^
Damn dude! Someone is cutting onions!
My oldest starts kindergarten today. Seeing her get on a bus for the first time definitely pulled in some heart strings. I can only imagine that this is one of many heartfelt moments in my life with my children.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:37 AM ^
The next moment to cherish will be first grade when they are gone all day.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:53 AM ^
We paid extra to have her go for full day kindergarten. But yea, I agree
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:57 AM ^
" I'm gonna miss her sooooo much!"
"Wr paid extra to keep her gone all day!"
Lol just messin with ya. Congrats.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:31 AM ^
My two daughters are 26 and 23 so Im well into the empty nest phase. I found that them leaving for college was more bitter than sweet. However getting them out of school was more sweet…seeing them truly become adults, starting careers and of course no more tuition.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:39 AM ^
Both sons have graduated college and are working in their favored fields, step son went another route and is in his second year of a 4 year enlistment in the USMC. Incredibly proud of all three. Having the empty nest is beautiful...... we are enjoying it thoroughly....
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:40 AM ^
We dropped our sophomore daughter off yesterday (Class of 2025). They have a place a couple blocks east of Yost. She has four roommates that have been in the place since May. One was her dormmate in West Quad last year. My wife held it together pretty well, much better than last year. We live only a couple hours from Ann Arbor, and get to see her every home game Saturday, so that helps the transition. So proud of her.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:41 AM ^
My youngest just turned 21. Three Daughters and we have been raising children since 1991. Like yourself we have been blessed and although 3 girls is drama filled they do love their Father's. All 3 attend or attended Kansas (Jayhawks - 2 there now oldest went on to her Masters at Northwestern) however each one has made multiple trips back to AA for games.
Social media also allows the urchins to connect when in AA as if they were on campus in Lawrence with sorority sisters, kids at Michigan they went to High School with (including a couple of Rockhurst guys on the football team - taking the 21 year old and her 3 close friends to the opener this year - pray for me) and others.
Empathy with the tears of joy, pride and concern. You never stop worrying. My wife and I have 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, (2) 65" big screens and a Laso Apso that misses the posse as much as we do.
Slow down, take the time to have time with your kids. Nobody remembers the things you give but they will always remember the time and how you made them feel.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:47 AM ^
nice post OP.
we only have 5 kids home now and it seems, well, overly quiet. still busy but i can see the end of the road with kids leaving the house like an airborne troop:
it will be a sad day when the kids are all gone, but as the true meaning of bittersweet, i will be so happy for them and the lives they have in front of them.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:04 AM ^
XM, how many total years of having kids in the house will it be for you when the youngest moves out?
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:13 AM ^
only 27. and as hard as it was when the oldest went off to college 5 yrs ago, when the twins go i might just keel over.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:54 AM ^
Dang. 35 years here by the time my youngest graduates. I'm ready to kick them all out now if I could.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:20 AM ^
"Only" five, lol. You and your gem are still outnumbered. I found 2v2 scrimmages hard enough. 😁
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:49 AM ^
we have a very effective match-up zone scheme we've been running ever since #3 joined the team.
August 22nd, 2022 at 2:47 PM ^
I had twins. I expected that, being small, you could cover them with a zone. I was surprised to discovered that they required man-to-man.
August 22nd, 2022 at 4:19 PM ^
we have a set of those, too. pro-tip, at least for our twins: they hang together most all the time so a single-high safety is usually good to cover both.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:07 PM ^
Twins are awesome. They are our only children - we moved them into their places in A2 over the weekend. They are “boy / girl” - and rising Sophomores at The University of Michigan.
My wife and I could’ve prouder.
Go Blue!
August 23rd, 2022 at 9:35 AM ^
Mine, too (boy/girl, that is). How many (hundreds of) times have you been asked if they're, "identical?"
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:51 AM ^
We are "kind of" an empty nesters now. Our youngest just graduated with his U of M Masters, and while he is working now, I'm sure he cannot wait to move out and be on hos own. (A natural process.)
One of the big things about being an empty nester is that now YOU/SPOUSE have to do everything at home. That is, walking the dog, getting milk and little things at the store, mowing the lawn, etc..... Taking care of these small items really takes up time, at least for us. It's supposed to get easier, but does it really? :-) )
Best of times for you and your family.
GO BLUE!!!!
August 22nd, 2022 at 6:43 PM ^
Read recently that 1/3 of millennials still live at home. The world is changing.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:52 AM ^
My daughter just moved out of Ann Arbor after a successful 4-year run at UM. Sigh. Time flies.
Moved my son into college two weeks ago. First year student. He's playing football at the collegiate level, so he was able to move into the dorms early. It's amazing how different moving day is when you're not fighting with thousands of other students for parking spots.
My son has a roommate. Despite social media, email, and modern ways of easily connecting, they have not communicated yet. I find this hilarious, but it drives Mrs. Bootlegger bonkers.
Empty nesting has commenced in the Bootlegger household. Maybe I'll walk around naked more frequently.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:07 AM ^
You, sir, have your priorities straight.
August 22nd, 2022 at 4:20 PM ^
you wear clothes? user name not checking out....
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:05 AM ^
Congratulations! I have one who's flown the coop, but three others that are all very aware of the fact they will be evicted once they finish high school. I envy you. I love my kids and want to see what they do with their own lives before I get old or infirm.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:09 AM ^
My son left for Minnesota on Saturday for his junior year. He's studying to be a minister, so he has 6 years left. Sending him back this time was harder than when he first went away. He worked with me this summer. Although he was in the plant and I'm in the front office, I was still able to see him quite a bit. He's a throwback. A good work ethic is a dying art these days, but he was working extra shifts, picking up the slack for less motivated co-workers, seeing stuff that needed to get done and doing it without being asked. His boss told me he was real sorry to see him go. It was so amazing to see how much he's matured in the last 2 years. It feels like this summer we went from father-son to close friends.
The two older girls are both out of college and the house, but our youngest is still home. She's starting her sophomore year in HS tomorrow. I can't wait for all the events to start up (volleyball, basketball, softball, singing for Sunday church with the school choir, all her club outings, etc).
Even after she heads to college, I don't think we'll be empty nesters. My wife also runs the International Program at our school, bringing in kids from around the world. This year it's Turkey, S. Korea, Vietnam, Spain, Germany, Thailand, The Congo (BTW - I think they already own the rights to "The"). It's amazing the connections we make with these kids. Some of them even become like your own kids. My one daughter's best friend is from Korea.
August 22nd, 2022 at 2:28 PM ^
The Congo (BTW - I think they already own the rights to "The")
With two different countries called Congo (the Republic of the Congo and the Democratic Republic of the Congo) I'm not sure they can pull an OSU here.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:15 AM ^
Dang, wasn't expecting some feelies like this with my morning coffee... great post, thank you for sharing.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:16 AM ^
Only "interesting" story was the horror show of my legacy son's second year on S State living in a fraternity with his "bros" and cratering his GPA. An end of sophmore year father/son conversation ensued, a nearby studio apartment was soon rented, and the business of GPA improvement resumed while still enjoying (in proper balance) the good life in A2 with his bros.
BTW, I completely lost it while watching him come down the massive steps of Angell Hall when he registered for his first classes.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:37 AM ^
I have one starting his sophomore year in college, one in high school and one starting kindergarten...no empty nesting for me for a while.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:38 AM ^
A bittersweet congrats to you - so cool that both are at UM. Enjoy the peace and quiet, though I'm guessing now and again, you'll miss the hustle?
My younger son has special needs, so I don't know that we'll ever be officially empty nesters. Just don't knwo what the future holds there. But, once our older son goes - hopefully - to Michigan (or elsewhere), it'll be a world of difference. He's in 6th grade, yet I can't mentally avoid thinking about the fact that he's only 6+ years from moving out.
For those that are just starting out - and those that are planning to... its hyperbole, but these years go by so quickly. I'm already missing a lot about the early years... and the kids just went off to school for their first day of 6th and 3rd grade. There was a time they would look back to be reassured.. now we get a casual wave :)
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:51 AM ^
homeschooling is a great way to go re: avoiding missing a lot about the early years. did wonders for our family.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:55 AM ^
Yup - I can see that. My wife and I both work, so not an easy option for us. Plus, our kids genuinely love going to school.
But, we do spend a lot of time together as a family. The older one has branched out a bit - kinda does a lot with friends or on his own, but he needs us and he's always happy to be around us - movies, games, etc... Hopefully that doesnt end ever!
August 22nd, 2022 at 12:36 PM ^
I don't know your circumstance with the younger one but: I know and have known some high functioning ones who with love, guidance and an incredible amount of parental patience have been able to launch successfully. All is takes is some memorized life + social skills and an obsession/passion that can be turned into a job or a career.
Sorry if I'm way off base here. Good luck.
August 22nd, 2022 at 11:57 AM ^
Not yet, but with my oldest entering grade 11 this is no longer an otherworldly hypothetical. I’m closer to sending my daughter off to college than to… to… the beginning of the pandemic.
Excuse me, I have to go find a quiet place to yell something for a moment.
August 22nd, 2022 at 12:06 PM ^
My advice: retire early, you won't regret it.
August 22nd, 2022 at 2:10 PM ^
Second that advice. You never know what life holds for you.
August 22nd, 2022 at 2:30 PM ^
Tried retiring several times. Went nuts with the boredom. Yeah, something might be wrong with me but I cannot do it. Needs: goals, objectives, etc..
Perhaps one day I'll hang it up, but not today or tomorrow.
August 22nd, 2022 at 4:23 PM ^
i think you need another boat, get that adrenaline pumping
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:35 PM ^
( sighs in quiet realization, then mutters) merde, he's probably right (looks over at bride and says), honey, you still have your cute blue leather boat shoes? 😉
August 23rd, 2022 at 6:10 AM ^
funny, a hard-core U of M buddy of mine was in FL this weekend and went fishing on a hatteras. i consider them the only possible rival to my old bertrams. i was looking at these last night. not to buy one, but just because i still enjoy just looking at them. nice boats, very well made also.
August 23rd, 2022 at 8:00 AM ^
Hatteras and Bertram. Both *very* seaworthy. And Vikings.
And this one is perfectly named. I would never even need to throw a hook, just being on the water would be enough therapy. Nice!
Edit/add. I understand too that sometimes just looking at beautiful lines like hers brings joy. Yep.
August 23rd, 2022 at 7:10 PM ^
i always thought vikings were 'poor man's bertram', and i don't mean that as a slight. they were good boats, didn't quite have the hull structure like a bertram and many were gas powered which is a problem with bigger boats, but overall a very good 'bang for the buck' boat. the other problem with vikings is that they had a pretty small offering of sizes for sport fishing. the 35 was their mainstay, and a solid boat, but after that the pickings get pretty slim.
August 25th, 2022 at 1:47 PM ^
Edit.
Actually? I defer to your take about Vikings. Having never even contemplated a fish boat, I can only go by the marina chatter I heard around the docks and restaurant.
I have never thought that gas engines belonged where they couldn't be easily ventilated by lifting a hatch in addition to running the blowers. Diesels for torque, fuel safety, and decades between "majors' relative even to stock gas motors.
Regardless, any excuse to look at, think about, remember good times with friends --- being on the water.
August 22nd, 2022 at 12:13 PM ^
I moved my youngest one last week - she went to the dark side but so far so good.
August 22nd, 2022 at 12:39 PM ^
How dark?
Columbus?
East Lansing?
August 22nd, 2022 at 7:40 PM ^
Scarlet and gray dark
August 22nd, 2022 at 8:32 PM ^
My apologies but I felt it necessary to downvote you.
August 22nd, 2022 at 9:14 PM ^
oooh. cold blooded.
August 22nd, 2022 at 10:31 PM ^
As an Ohio resident, I tried to get all 3 of mine to at least consider OSU for undergrad and they all refused. In state tuition and improving academics make it a compelling option.
August 22nd, 2022 at 12:15 PM ^
Year 2 of empty nesting here - a soph and a junior at the same school, just nowhere near us.
It's awesome having adult kids (I've liked every age for different reasons) and we miss them for sure, but modern tech is great - weekly facetime with each, and sometimes together because they hang out at least once a week. AND, the Mrs. and I get to be just us again. Same things, OP, go where we want, when we want, etc. Having kids is an incredible gift for us, but more importantly I signed up to live for the long haul with the Mrs. and for as long as we have our health, we get to have all the fun.
Congrats on the empty!