draftosnark

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What the hell was this? Draftageddon is the MGo-version of those preseason all Big Ten articles it is mandatory that sports site generate. If we had titled it "Top 100 players in the B1G" and written one line about each guy it would be great clickbait and nobody would learn anything. So instead we activated our competitive natures, had the MGoStaff draft four 26-man teams, and learned waaaay too much.

Full details are in the first post. This is the "what have we learned" post.

PREVIOUSLY ON DRAFTAGEDDON (two rounds/post)
  1. Devin Gardner, plus Braxton Miller, Brandon Scherff, Randy Gregory, Michael Bennett, Joey Bosa, Shilique Calhoun, Carl Davis, Stefon Diggs
  2. Devin Funchess and Jake Ryan, plus Kurtis Drummond, Venric Mark, Jason Spriggs, Chi Chi Ariguzo, Melvin Gordon, Trae Waynes
  3. Frank Clark, plus Ameer Abdullah, Kenny Bell, Taiwan Jones, Christian Jones, Noah Spence, Maxx Williams, Rob Havenstein
  4. Blake Countess, plus Andre Monroe, Donovan Smith, Taylor Decker, Sojourn Shelton, Desmond King, Darius Hamilton, Theiren Cockran
  5. Darius Kilgo, Shane Wynn, Brandon Vitabile, Jack Allen, Austin Blythe, Kaleb Johnson, Kyle Costigan, Dallas Lewallen
  6. Matt Robinson, Mike Hull, Corey Cooper, Devin Smith, Jeremy Langford, John Lowdermilk, Jordan Lucas, Christian Hackenberg
  7. Jabrill Peppers, Desmond Morgan, and James Ross III, plus Connor Cook,  Adrian Amos, Steve Longa, Jack Conklin, Tyler Marz
  8. Dontre Wilson, Louis Trinca-Pasat, Nate Sudfeld, Tre Roberson, Tevin Coleman, Earnest Thomas III, Jeff Heuerman, Ibraheim Campbell
  9. Jarrod Wilson, plus Adolphus Washington, Deon Long, Marcus Rush, Eric Murray, Sean Davis, Josh Ferguson, Tony Lippett
  10. Levern Jacobs, Pat Elflein, Jake Cotton, Warren Herring, Zac Epping, Chad Lindsay, Doran Grant, Michael Rose
  11. Darian Hicks, Tyler Kroft, Michael Caputo, Corey Clement, Kevin Snyder, Jordan Walsh, Michael Geiger, Traveon Henry
  12. Willie Henry and Matt Wile, plus Tony Jones, Ed Davis, RJ Williamson, Brad Craddock, Dan Voltz, Andrew Donnal
  13. Joe Bolden, plus Dan Voltz, Andrew Donnal, William Likely, Mike Sadler, Jesse James, Macgarrett Kings Jr., Cameron Johnston, Quinton Alston, Kyle Prater, C.J. Brown
  14. BiSB won the vote, Seth won the photoshop contest

Supplemental Left Behind series by BiSB: offense (defense not posted yet)

GUYS WE DRAFTED (VISUALIZED)

I thought you might appreciate seeing who did and didn't get drafted from among each teams' starters.

MichiganOhio StateMichigan State

Click any to access the giant PDF of all 14 teams plus ND.

It doesn't tell you when they were drafted or by whom, or how big of a hole the non-draftees are, e.g. Maryland's defense looks like Michigan's at a glance, but Michigan has tons of quality LBs while Maryland has one of moderate value. Ohio State is strongest up front on both sides of the ball. Iowa is strong down the middle.

[Jump for are we homers, overrated rivals, deep positions, most overrated dudes, and answers to pretty much every other clickbait thing this offseason because we're nothing if not a thorough bunch]

What is Draftageddon: In place of a trite and useless preseason "best players in the Big Ten" series, we drafted teams out of the the same pool and got into detail about our picks and what makes them worth picking. If such an exercise isn't your bag, I implore you to skip this one; a roundtable-y informative thing will follow later.

Previously: opening round, stupid round, hair round, corners round, a lineman from Rutgers round, Hack round, Peppers round, a member of the Illini secondary is drafted round, terp round, guards round, backups round, dramatic round, punting round.

Now we defend our teams, and make fun of each other's. Then you vote for a winner.

THE HALF-COOKED BRIAN ZOOKS

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*Miller (and a couple hits to Seth's Wildcats) happened too late for more supplemental picks

Brian: On offense, I attempted to fuse Wisconsin's core rushing offense into a spread. IE: I tried to replicate last year's Ohio State team. Miller and Gordon are the backfield, with Ferguson in the Wilson/Harvin role and Stephon Diggs being just terrifying on the outside. The OL: Wisconsin. Hooray. Base defense is your standard 4-3. I guess I'm in an over since I've got two similar defensive ends and no obvious on-the-line SAM. 

Strengths: every second down is second and two. Every third down is a first down because we picked up eight yards on second and two. The defensive line is highly stout, with upside in spades; the corners are excellent. 

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Brian got out of a Michael Rose pick and drafted every Michigan linebacker but the really good one.

Weaknesses: Pass protection. I don't have a left tackle. As we saw with Denard, though, having an incredible athlete at QB tends to turn pass rush off by itself. This was by design after I picked Miller and any true difference-maker tackles were gone by the next pick. 

Also my safeties are both Northwestern safeties. And I guess I don't have a punter, but who cares.

Snarked by BiSB: Brian’s theory is pretty basic: find a unit that performed well, and draft The. Whole. Damn. Thing. Wisconsin runs the ball well? Take their running game. Michigan’s linebacker corps looks pretty okay? GOTTA GRAB ‘EM ALL (except for the best piece, of course, which I got). Northwestern’s secondary is outstanding on 3rd and 20? Say no more, give me them safeties.

The problem, of course, is that he’s left with a hodgepodge of assorted whatnot that doesn’t work together. Offensively, I don’t know what the hell Brian is. He took a spread option quarterback and outfitted him with a manball offensive line and running back. His receiving corp is a coming-off-an-injury Stefon Diggs, made-fewer-than-two-catches-per-game Jeff Heuerman, and… Tony Lippett? And of course there’s the whole two-vastly-different-quarterbacks thing he’s got going on with Hackenberg. After a year of lamenting an offensive system that lacked internal cohesion, you’re going to THIS? For shame, sir. For shame. You don’t DESERVE Kyle Prater.

On defense, Brian has a solid-ish defensive line, and absolutely nothing behind it in the middle of the field. His linebackers are Michigan’s current linebackers if you replaced Jake Ryan with Michael Rose Joe Bolden. Does this sound like a good idea? No. No it does not. It does not sound like a good idea. But don’t worry, because Ibraheim Campbell and Traveon Henry are there to kinda keep the lid on. And again, you have your press-happy stud corner playing alongside a pair of bend-but-don’t-break safeties.

[Immediately after the jump, an image that will probably appear in all future Google searches for Ace Anbender, but just in case: Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender, Ace Anbender]

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PREVIOUSLY in this vehicle where we draft Big Ten players and make fun of each other:

Rounds 1-3: We are summoned by Brian and duly take all the quarterbacks before he can draft one.

Rounds 4-7: Suddenly Heiko goes full Millen with the receivers

Rounds 8-12: Seth nabs Kovacs, Brian gets revenge.

Rounds 13-17: We all start reaching for Wolverines HARD.

Rounds 18-22: Doctor Vorax is revealed.

The teams are defended, readers vote, pre-season All Big Ten Team is chosen, receivers are lamented, Googledoc spreadsheet of handiness is created, offense/defense at the midpoint.

Your bloggers are rejoined at the conclusion of the 2012-'13 season in the conference room of a fictional paper company in Scranton, Pa., the "Electric City." A man in a brown suit enters, smelling of beets…

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Good morning, [makes quote fingers] M-Go [/fingers] Editorial Team,

It's a new year, which means it's time for your annual performance reviews. Since your office manager is not here at this moment, I Dwight Schrute, have taken it upon myself to uphold and undertake this most sacred of office rites.

Who am I? Well I'm the assistant manager of MGoBlog. I've been Brian's #2 man since 2005. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like a cross between Mozart and Greg Mattison. And I’m like…um…Mattison's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and gregdavisBrian is like Wolfgang Amadeus Greg Mattison Beilein Iron Man Schembechler. You try and hurt Brian? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Unfortunately you bloggers were too incompetent to keep any records, thus I was sadly left with only one comparative metric by which to base any raises or bonuses. You see it seems earlier this year you all picked fantasy teams of Big Ten players as a way of getting out of writing a real pre-season all-conference article. You called it the "Draft-o-Snark," and thought it was pretty funny. Well who's. laughing. now?

Oohh didn't take it seriously? Greg Davis was coaching some of your players? A med student ran off with all the other quarterbacks before you thought take one? Boo. Frickin. Hoo. FACT: if a bear is attacking you and the only way you can defeat it is by driving 80 yards for a touchdown, the bear doesn't care if your only QB was turned into a tailback by an ulnar nerve compression. Because he's a bear.

THE TEAMS:

Pos The Aceconsin Cheesebenders:
AceG
Brian Cook's Flyin' Zooks:
Briang
Dr Heiko and the mad fitzmillens:
HeikoG
Seth's Smurfy Spread n smurfs: SethG
QB J. Vandenberg, IA N Scheelhaase, ILL B. Miller, OSU D. Robinson*, M
RB Montee Ball, WIS† LeVeon Bell, MSU† T. Martinez*, NEB R. Burkhead, NEB
Swing James White, WIS Fitz Toussaint, M James Morris*, IA J. Gallon, M†
WR Devin Smith, OSU J Abbrederis, WIS Kyle Prater, NW Kenny Bell, NEB†
Kain Colter, NW Martin-Manley, IA D. Gardner*, M R. Roundtree, M
Keenan Davis, IA M. Gray, MIN D. Arnett, MSU Kofi Hughes, IND
TE Stoneburner, OSU C. Fiedorowicz, IA Dion Sims, MSU J. Pedersen, WIS
OT R. Wagner, WIS Taylor Lewan, M Fou Fonoti, MSU M. Schofield, M
Havenstein, WIS J. Mewhort, OSU Ben Cotton*, NEB J. Sirles, NEB
C T. Frederick, WIS Stankiewich, PSU B. Vitabile, NW James Ferentz, IA
OG S. Long, NEB Ryan Groy, WIS Patrick Ward, NW Graham Pocic, ILL
Brian Mulroe, NW C. McDonald, MSU P. Omameh, M Ricky Barnum, M
DT Ondre Pipkins, M Beau Allen, WIS Jordan Hill, PSU J. Hankins, OSU
Will Campbell, M A. Spence, ILL Steinkuhler, NEB K. Short, PUR
DE C. Meredith, NEB R. Hageman, MIN Craig Roh, M Marcus Rush, MSU
W. Gholston, MSU John Simon, OSU M. Buchanan, ILL L.Thomas*, MSU
LB M. Mauti, PSU D. Morgan, M M. Bullough, MSU W. Compton, NEB
Mike Taylor, WIS D. Allen, MSU K. Demens, M G. Hodges, PSU†
C. Borland, WIS Jake Ryan, M R. Shazier, OSU† J. Brown, ILL
S Supo Sanni, ILL D. Stafford, NEB C.J. Barnett, OSU Jordan Kovacs, M
I. Campbell, NW C. Bryant, OSU Isaiah Lewis, MSU T. Gordon, M
CB J. Adams, MSU B. Roby, OSU J.T. Floyd, M J. Johnson, PUR
R. Allen, PUR T. Hawthorne, ILL D. Dennard, MSU Micah Hyde, IA
C. Avery, M B. Countess, M C. Norman*, MSU Stoudermire, MIN
K Dan Conroy, MSU Mitch Ewald, IND Brett Maher, NEB Drew Basil, OSU
P C. Webster, PUR A. Maxwell*, MSU D. O'Brien*, WIS B. Buchanan, OSU

* Player out of position (e.g. half of Heiko's team). Bolded dudes = consensus All Big Ten picks from us. † = All-B1G tie.

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Question number…the first. Pick a player nobody drafted whom you should have. Any Wolverines? [we split these up so we don't all shout "ROBINSON…NOT THAT ROBINSON!"]

HeikoG: You mean Allen Robinson of Penn State who led the conference in like every receiving category whom nobody thought to take despite like 13 receivers being drafted?

Never heard of him.

Briang: I would have made up a rule to prevent Heiko from taking Taylor Martinez with his second pick. And... um. Oh God. I would take Matt McGloin instead of Scheelaase. BIG TENNN. Penn State's Kyle Carter was instantly the best TE in the league, though I blame Greg Davis for assassinating Iowa's passing game for part of that, and Venric Mark was both an All-American punt returner and an incredibly dangerous plain ol' running back.

AceG: We also managed to overlook an impact defensive lineman from an unlikely source—Minnesota's D.L. Wilhite, who tallied 8.5 sacks this year, just 0.5 off the conference lead. Quinton Washington is the clear candidate for overlooked Wolverine.

SethG: We probably dipped too far into the Michigan well to be honest, though Roundtree is 100% worth it if the only catch he made all year was the Northwestern one.

I made Heiko cover Allen Robinson so he could stew over all the useless receivers he drafted early. Also so I could cover Nebraska's senior DE Eric Martin, whom his teammates call "Caveman" because he burrows under offensive like he does bloggers' metaphorical radars. The senior had 56 tackles, 16 for loss, and 8.5 sacks and an additional 14 hurries, not to mention batting down a bunch of passes (amazing since he's only 6'2) and once hitting Russell Bellomy so hard it crushed my soul. I wish to Denard I'd decided to draft him instead of...

Now you jump, when I say.

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