OT - Powerful article by Detroit Lion DeAndre Levy on sexual assault
http://www.theplayerstribune.com/deandre-levy-sexual-assault-awareness/
I was pretty ignorant on this topic for a long time. I think a lot of men are, because it’s often talked about as a women’s issue. The focus always seems to be on teaching young women how not to get raped and on what steps they can take to “stay safe.” But why are we not also focused on educating young men about the definition of consent and what constitutes rape? We’re essentially dealing with the problem by telling women to be more careful.
And that’s bullshit.
I really liked this article because it goes beyond acknowledging the obvious (that rape is far too prevalent and severely under-reported) and speaks to the cultural factors that are that the root of the issue. As a personal aside, I recently finished NFL Confidential by an anonymous former NFL player and one of the chapters touched on how laughably half-assed NFL sensitivity training seminars are - zero percent surprising from a league where beating up your fiancee in an elevator is two gamechecks less awful than deflating footballs. One of the great points Levy makes is that because of our collective worship for football and other major sports, pro athletes are - fairly or not - thrust front and center into this discussion because they're seen as paragons of masculinity.
Oh wait....I think that was your point.
Welp, leave it to another "please teach men not to rape" article to bring out the deep-seeded misandry monster in all of us.
All of the issues you bring up - suicide, male sexual assault - are valid ones. So is rape culture and the fact that convictions for rape are incredibly rare and often only won after the victim's sexual history is laid bare for all the world to see. (In point of fact, if you read the article, Levy makes a great point that our culture's exulation of masculinity is a significant factor in male victims of sexual assult being afraid/unwilling to report these crimes.) As men, our stories of crazy exes tend to be cringily funny shit that Tyler Perry couldn't make up. Women's stories of crazy exes tend to involve restraining orders. Do you find that funny?
Also there are issues at least as important as these that people need to start TALKING ABOUT that have to do with men.
Again, I agree 100% here. The fact that you're doing so here in this discussion thread about sexual violence against women tells me that you're probably actually less interested in men's issues than you are in trivializing women's issues.
If you don't like it you can negbomb me to the depths of hell.
Done.
I don't think it's wrong to give good advice to women. The problem is that it seems like that conversation happens much more often than the "hey guys, it shouldn't matter what situation a woman 'puts herself in,' don't do these bad things."
That's why this article is great. It's a man's man speaking to the fact that we all need to do a better job of a) being a great example and b) having these conversations.
Yes, everyone should be educated about consent and have the self-esteem to say yes when he/she wants to do it and no when he/she shouldn't. I'm no lawyer and thus won't comment on how the law does and/or should decide these gray areas, but sure what they say about an ounce of prevention applies here, and in spades. The things is, that women already do get that in spades - they get policed all the time about how not to dress, how much to drink, etc. - from men and women alike, I'll note. So yes, it is prudent to educate them about these situations - but the woman with less impule control, lower alcohol tolerance and sluttier halter tops doesn't deserve to get raped either.
I guess I'd say that low conviction rates on rapes has more to do with the structure of our legal system than a societal conspiracy against women that downplays rape. The legal system is designed to be difficult to convict people. It's incredibly hard to present evidence "beyond a reasonable doubt" on cases that primarily take place in private bedrooms with the only two witnesses being the plaintiff and defendant.
Would require a dramatic change in legal values for anything to change on that front.
From what I know of the legal system, you're right, though I wouldn't entirely discount the role societal mores play - since in abstract our legal system is a representation of this. But given that it is very hard to prove rape from a legal standpoint, to that end, perhaps the best thing we can do is steer the conversation towards a better understanding of what consent is, and boys need to be included in that process - much more so than they have been.
Why would a restraining order be funny?
Why would I want to trivialize women's issues? Even if I did want to (which I don't) it would be impossible. I see women's sexual assault stories every day.
Do you see stories every day about what I brought up? The death and disposability of men?
hiring the "men's rights" lawyer. It's so hard being a (white) male....and running pretty much everything.
[that said, the first person to respond to you is a disgusting person]
with what I said go ahead and refute it.
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These days the guy just needs to carry around a consent form around with him.
Given how easy the media/people side with the alleged victims, this is a good solution.
/s (kinda not really tho)
Honestly, would you really like to go to bed with a woman that you suspect might turn around accuse you of rape later? Why would you initiate sex with a women who's character you know so little about, or find suspect? What lay is worth that risk? If you can't find a trust-worthy woman, and take the time develop mutual trust, maybe sex isn't for you.
But yeah, cute strawman argument you made there.
Yeah, lets just eliminate one night stands.
Solid solution.
Where do you dumbasses come from?
If you need a lay so bad you'll take a chance on a one night stand with a psycho chick, I guess maybe don't whine when she does something psycho the morning after. You might think you have some right to a risk-free one night stand, but on the other hand, the entire recorded history of mankind. Keep leading with your dick, brah.