Handy football-feelings post generator
Tired of typing but feel an urgent need to post something to the board re. football? Copy and paste the text below, delete unwanted options as appropriate, and, as they say in France, "viola".
Subject: When Will Michigan [Adapt/Learn/Figure It Out]?
Great [offense/defense/recruiting/player development] beats great [defense/offense/player development/recruiting] in today’s game. [Alabama/OSU/other team on a recent hot streak] has figured this out. [Georgia/Oklahoma/other frequent also-ran] has figured this out. [Other team that alternates between 10 and 7-win seasons in a somewhat similar fashion to Michigan] has figured it out. [Notre Dame, for some inexplicable reason] has figured it out. [NB: do not mention USC]
Michigan [is recruiting fantastic/gets more out of its recruits than maybe any other team] but the big boys just seem to [get that bit more out of their talent/hoover up the 5-stars]. Also, while we [continually win time of possession/do a decent job controlling other teams’ running games/other vague statistical-sounding positive], we seem to always [lose in the trenches/give up the big play/other vague statistical-sounding negative].
It’s now or never to [focus on raw strength via Olympic lifts/focus on conditioning via nutrition and stretching/fire coordinator A who is blinkered and over-cautious/hire ex-assistant coach B who is creative and modern/take the handcuffs off the offense/simplify the playbook and let our guys make plays/get mad on the sidelines/show a cold, analytical cruelty/adapt to the new realities of college football/other jejune change-for-change’s-sake recommendation].
November 26th, 2018 at 10:18 AM ^
This is the first post on this board since Saturday afternoon worth a damn.
November 26th, 2018 at 10:24 AM ^
Nevermind
November 26th, 2018 at 10:27 AM ^
Now we need a snarky comment generator to respond to posts made using this handy reference!
November 26th, 2018 at 10:32 AM ^
FWIW there is absolutely nothing I find more comical than the annual hand-wringing, teeth-knashing and rendering of garments over the S & C coach. EVERY year somebody points to his techniques/methods at the beginning of the season and proclaims "this guy is special and is going to make such a huge difference on our results" and by the end of the season (if things dont go well) the same guy wants him fired so we can bring in this even more special S & C coach.
I'm waiting for the thread where we discuss it for the jilliionith time (cause it's surely coming) and for the jillionith time I'll tell everybody that it wont matter one iota who the guy is (they are all about the same) and at least 1/2 of the board will get all up in their feelings and lose their mind telling me just how wrong I am.
Rinse, repeat.
November 26th, 2018 at 11:23 AM ^
I wholeheartedly second this. I will never understand why people can't seem to realize that more or less, every strength coach in the country is doing 95% of the exact same things.
November 26th, 2018 at 1:01 PM ^
It’s nice to see actual results like what Herbert gave. Granted that has as much to do with the nutritionist as it does with Herbert. My only issue was the amount of cramping this year. Players not properly hydrated or not fully recovered. That’s an issue.
November 26th, 2018 at 10:46 AM ^
Not the post they deserved. But the post they needed.
November 26th, 2018 at 10:46 AM ^
Nice.
November 26th, 2018 at 11:43 AM ^
Lol hits kinda close to home because I've been harping on the 5* difference since Saturday.
Next, can I suggest you make the mental health thread where you help people cope with their favorite sports teams losing? As odd as it sounds, I'm actually about 85% serious on this idea.
November 26th, 2018 at 11:44 AM ^
Yeah, we needed this, and I cannot wait for someone to use this template.
Oh, wait....
November 26th, 2018 at 1:32 PM ^
God. The PTSD and now without the “post” part this part of the year comes with is killing me.
November 26th, 2018 at 4:32 PM ^
Great post and I took the madlibs route.
When Will Michigan Expand?
Great olives beats great cucumbers in today’s game. Mars Rover has figured this out. UTEP Baseball has figured this out. Rutger has figured it out. Husky has figured it out.
Michigan is recruiting flaccid recruits more than maybe any other team but the big boys just seem to flail out of their talent/hoover up the exacerbating 5-star firefighters. Also, while we constipate here, we seem to always fornicate in the trenches.
It’s now or never to exact reparations on Toledo.