Prescient 9-year old "Congratulations on acquiring your new Harbaugh" column

When we hired Harbaugh, I got some laughs out of this column in the Sacramento Bee, "Congratulations on the Purchase of Your New Harbaugh. " It was posted here as well. 9 years later it still rings true and is worth a re-read now that the mission is accomplished. 

https://12ft.io/https://www.sacbee.com/sports/nfl/san-francisco-49ers/article5187357.html

A bunch of it is pasted below, I've bolded the parts that sound better now than ever. Check out the parts about guarding practices, picking fights with bullies, defense, and pouring Gatorade. And then the closing paragraph is amazing.

▪ Your Harbaugh does not function like other head coaches. An innocuous query about the weather, for instance, could trigger a florid quote from Admiral William Halsey. And yet a routine question about a running back’s knee injury may cause your Harbaugh to wince, pause and grimace as if a malodorous scent has wafted into the room. Your Harbaugh’s default in this instance is: “We don’t really talk about that here” or “I can’t get inside his body” or “He’s working through something.” This is a design flaw our technicians in California have not yet worked out.

▪ You may notice that your Harbaugh never shuts off. This is normal.

OMG AS IT WAS FORETOLD ▪ Your Harbaugh will guard his practices like North Korea guards its missile program. He will tell you he’s concerned you will inadvertently leak information that will fall into enemy hands. He will say this with a straight face and will tell you that he mines other teams’ media reports for that type of information. There will be no evidence, however, that he does this or that it has been helpful. You will conclude he is being overly paranoid. This is normal.

▪ Your Harbaugh has been programmed for combat and within six months will pick a fight with the biggest, baddest bully on the block. Urban Meyer [editor: Ryan Day, Tony Petiti, NCAA], you have been warned.

▪ Your Harbaugh has been designed for offense and will require many high-end parts to run said offense. Yet his defense will be better than his offense. This paradox has not been explained.

▪ You may be tempted to pour Gatorade on your Harbaugh. This is not recommended unless temperatures exceed 75 degrees Fahrenheit (23.9 degrees Celsius.)

You will enjoy your Harbaugh, especially at first. Then you will want to kick your Harbaugh in the shins. In the end, you will realize that your Harbaugh is perhaps the most unique operating system ever created and that you have been lucky to have had a chance to experience it. Some assembly required. Ages 18 and up.