OT: my buddy's Notre Dame rant

My good friend John is a University of Florida grad who despises Notre Dame with a fervor that surpasses even mine. Their constant media adulation combined with the refusal to join a conference drives him mad. Below is his Joycean stream of conciousness rant on our good Irish buddies. "Go mop yourself up, sit on a wad of paper towels and get back to writing glowing diatribes about how Jimmy Clausen is cool and hip, and doesn't look creepy at all, not like a tyke toucher no really, and Charlie is working on his weight, and isn't that bad looking for such a big man and South Bend is like Acapulco North, but with barns and strip malls, and honest to god traffic lights instead of hot chicks in thongs and Notre Dame is gonna win a bowl game this year, damnit, I just know it, and touchdown Jeesus this and touchdown Jeebus that, and isn't our band a hoot and remember that time we beat Tulane by, like 30, and isn't Tate a combination of Jerry Rice and Sticky Fingered McGhee from the '27 squad and sure the front line is porous, but they're young and in just another 4 or 5 years should have the experience to really gel, and have you heard the guy that does our radio broadcasts, he's the best there ever was, and did you notice we have our own page on MSN Sports, that has to mean something good and we have a big contract with NBC that lets ALL our games forced on a reluctant nation and if they don't have cable or satellite are practically forced to watch us at noon every Saturday, even if means deciding between ND vs Vermont or a rerun of SquareBob SpongePants, and did you see the tweak to the new unis, they put a bit more of a scowl on the drunken Mick on our helmets and made the fists just a little bigger so he looks REALLY pissed now, and our cheerleaders don't have nearly as much upper lip hair as they used to, and some of them have like, breasts and EVERYTHING, and our law school is better than your law school which makes Indiana sort of the ancient GREECE of the midwest, no really it does, and did you know that we are undefeated in the past 10 years against South Western Conference teams, look it up, 2 and ZERO babeee, and you can get the best clams in Indiana right here at "Clausen's Clam Shack", ( Under new management and renamed from the old and tired "Holtz's Surf N Turf" and the food has taken a turn for the better, people rarely get sick and everything!) and our punter is averaging almost 35 yards a kick which is almost twice the average of our last one, and they just repaved the cornfield and put in a new electric fence at the "Bob Davies regional airport" so that the bigwigs can land at night without anyone having to worry about the planes tipping over after hitting a rabid muskrat, and they just added an Orange Julious at the mall so we can all get those tasty citrus beverages that everyone has been raving about for so long and did I mention that our special teams are now ranked #36 in the entire goshdarned nation??? So put that in your corncob pipe and smoke it, you bunch of inbred yokels. Notre Dame! Notre Dame! Notre Dame!"