How is COVID/shut down impacting your mental health?
I’ve enjoyed discussing life under lock down with this board, and want to know something a bit more personal: how is the new normal impacting your mental health?
I ask because I am starting to notice some cracks in my own mind set and am wondering if it’s normal. Here’s what I mean:
I am a lawyer and have been working from home this whole shut down. I’ve been busier than ever (technically this should translate to money) but I also feel more stress and pressure than ever. Working from home is starting to make me feel like I am responsible for the outcomes of each legal matter and I am worrying about messing something up.
This causes me to sleep poorly and a few times a week I’ll be on the verge of a panic attack. I think it’s getting better as I get used to it, but not sure. I don’t even know why I am a lawyer anymore, lol, would rather be around some “action” like a fireman or medic. Obviously money is a driving force, but that doesn’t make me feel great either.
I am also drinking every night, whereas I never used to drink on work nights. I do go on longer runs than I used to, so physically I may actually come out ahead.
just wondering if anyone else is struggling
I'm still working at my brick and mortar building, but I have been partaking in a little bit more alcohol consumption. My wife and I are trying to keep our kids engaged in school work and being outside enjoying the weather while we can. Even slightly changing your scenery can help keep you out of a "funk". Coming out of the "winter blues" and going straight into this pandemic, I believe is going to make people struggle mightily.
I’ve been okay so far. Still following government orders. I expect my patience and compliance to run out in mid June if they keep extending this.
I'm in Spain where we can't leave the house for any reason except for groceries or emergencies, so I'm going a bit stir crazy. I'm using the quiet time to read and get better at cooking, so I'm good to May at least. I think I may start to lose my mind if this goes into June.
Fellow lawyer here. I can sympathize big time. I don't know your practice area, but I'm in criminal defense and regularly feel the stress of being directly responsible for the lives of my clients. After a while, it becomes easy to tell when either workload, payroll, or just the anxiety associated with jury trials starts to get to you because my body would start to show it. I'd also feel the desire to drink more, but keep it to a two drink maximum on work nights to keep from over indulging (and even then, that would mean no drinking on the weekends if I had that much during the week. Try to have a couple dry days a week).
This situation has proved to be a wonderful one for me though because there has been enough work from people wanting me to file emergency motions for bond or modifications of their sentences to keep the bills paid and I get the added benefit of catching up on office paperwork and spending time with the family (which is why I chose to run a solo practice to begin with). Stress is way down with the lack of trials right now. I have an actual hearing maybe once a week now compared to having court almost every day.
You will start to get used to the stress, but it's hell on your body and mind. I only do it because I feel a deep sense of satisfaction when I get good results for a client. A lot of my clients are good people that have made a few bad choices along the way, do something stupid in the heat of the moment, or are over-prosecuted due to racism. If you don't get that feeling and are only doing it for the money, I'd encourage you to explore other practice areas or even a different profession. I'm sure you're smart and talented enough to try other kinds of work. If you have a spouse, ask him or her their thoughts on it. Good luck.
Happy Easter.
Edit: you are responsible for your work and you will mess things up. Take a deep breath. It happens. Learn from mistakes and move on. It'll be ok.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:36 AM ^
love this post.
beginning to think your avatar might not actually be you.
happy easter.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:44 AM ^
Busted. I'm not as handsome as my avatar.
Happy Easter btw!
Uh, you're hired. I'll put down the retainer today....not that I'll need you, I'm usually the affiant. But with you being a hillbilly and a lawyer, I'm down to fuck shit up and go drinking with you later.
Bringing back bad memories of when a friend got popped for a BUI on a rented pontoon for my birthday one year. Eventually got it dropped, but it was a huge buzzkill at the time.
Best wishes, OP. This is a hard time for many people economically and otherwise.
The novel coronavirus has introduced to us a novel lifestyle that takes some adjusting to. Being a mindfulness practitioner has been helpful to me in countless ways in navigating these new waters.
For those unfamiliar with mindfulness, one key tenet is acceptance or "non-judgment." That is, avoiding making value based judgements on anything, neither good nor bad. Even life and death are considered equal in this practice.
This has great value for my being able to enjoy football Saturdays as well.
Everything has gotten busier since I started working from home; emails per day have probably tripled, and I feel way more stressed. I'm also realizing my daily train commute was a great way for me to transition in/out of the work day, but now there's no separation between work and home. As nice as it is being able to sleep in more and wear sweatpants all day, I'm ready to just get back to the office.
Overall though, can't complain about having a job, especially in a business that grew exponentially once the pandemic started.
Ups and downs here. I'm home with my husband and kids and we all have our own ways of dealing with this. My daughter is faring the worst. She's a junior in high school whose softball season never started, summer plans were cancelled, and who can't see her friends in person. Having not much to look forward to can spur on depression. My son is pretty good, maintaining a school and workout schedule and he loves to game. My husband is pretty stoic but I know this is tough on him. He works for the Cubs so he's not working right now. As for myself, I'm taking care of everyone else both mentally and cooking all the meals. It occupies my time but I'm someone who needs to roam, and hate the feeling of being trapped in the house. The best advice I can give anyone, having dealt with anxiety in the past, is to try to look at the day in front of you, and nothing more. Easier said than done but it's so hard to predict what's going to happen next week, much less next month, that all this uncertainty can elevate anxiety levels exponentially. I wish you well.
It is kids that I am worried about. I have a 12 year old who has always struggled with depression and anxiety who desperately needs psychiatric care and cannot get it for really unclear reasons, and a 4 year old in easily the most important period of his development who has no idea where the world went and no way to have it explained to him. It is kids who will end up bearing the biggest brunt of all of this and also the group that is receiving the least attention. Pretty callous, actually.
Yep. Kids lack the perspective to understand that this isn't forever. As for your 12 year old, have you explored online therapy? My daughter has a friend who sees a therapist online. I wonder if your pediatrician could recommend someone? Having someone to talk to might be a stop gap until more comprehensive medical treatment can be sought.
My 13 year old does teletherapy once a week. The option is working out well so far if you can find someone who has availability. It's also easier for adults to deal with this because a month in our lives is a much smaller fraction of time relative to our entire life than to theirs. I've always assumed that's why kids are so impatient. It actually feels longer to them than to us. 10 minutes to a 40 year old feels like 40 minutes to a 10 year old.
Yes, I have looked into it and am going to try to start next week with a counselor for him, but he is having serious psychiatric symptoms that I fear remote therapy would only worsen because it is an intrinsic reminder of the abrupt changes that have triggered the symptoms. And while I would like to be able to assure him that it is not forever, at least here in Michigan such an explanation would be highly speculative at best and an outright lie at worst and it seems he knows that.
For my youngest, hard to escape the conclusion that he is pretty screwed. With the rhetoric being used at this point, not sure he will see the inside of a “school” as we knew it or developmental extracurriculars again, and man did he love living. Trying to keep that spark alive with him but he is starting to see it as smoke and mirrors. I understand this is a serious health situation, but people need to start behaving and speaking in common sense terms, like right now. We can’t stuff these kids in Tupperware and set them in front of screens for an indefinite period and tell them we will get back to them some other time.
The lack of basic social and developmental, and even medical services for children while maintaining appropriate distancing efforts is appalling and indicative of a culture that badly lost its way long before this crisis. Open a library with occupancy limits. Organize face to face activities for kids outdoors with distancing requirements. “Just go away for months and we will get to you in a while” is not a strategy, it’s intentional societal neglect of a precious asset.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:08 AM ^
It's important to social distance right now, but "schools will never open again" is hyperbolic. Telling your children this won't last forever isn't speculative or a lie, and it might help to tell yourself that too.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:22 AM ^
It does not feel particularly hyperbolic anymore. I don’t believe they will open next year. I believe what is happening in our culture right now is at least 50% politically motivated by both sides, if not a far larger number than that. I think that local leaders have correctly questioned Trump’s response but have gone overboard and that media outlets dying for a chance to ruin Trump have seized upon it to a highly irresponsible degree. Now Trump has truly engaged them on it, and now local leaders and media organizations have no choice but to “double down” on rhetoric and measures to prove this is as bad as possible to justify their initial attacks even while estimates of the true extent of infections, deaths, and mortality rate continue to fall.
TL;DR - don’t expect any resolution to “this” until November, at least. And that sucks.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:28 AM ^
I see a lot of the infighting and bickering between sides as you do, but I also see the vast majority of people doing their best to protect the vulnerable, innovate solutions, and move forward. We don't have a concrete timeframe, but there have been worse pandemics and humanity has come out the other side.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:37 AM ^
You have let your disagreement about how to respond to this push your perception completely out of reality. This is not forever. America is responding to this in a more casual manner than almost every country out there. There is nothing unique about our political situation. Everyone is going to lock down for awhile, and then reopen around the time it's appropriate. Get over it, and move forward.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:40 AM ^
I struggled with whether to reply to this or not, because I’m not sure I. can say it in a way that you will be receptive to hearing, but please take a deep breathe and find a way to find some peace with where we are, if not for yourself, for your family. While it can feel like it is, this is not our forever.
For perspective on kids, I’m going to share a personal story that I’m sure is not unique and Is also certainly nowhere near as much as many others have faced while kids (or with their own kids). I have lupus which was diagnosed in 4th grade. I was in and out of school with illness snd drs appointments, but up until 7th grade, I had never missed a significant chunk of school. In 7th grade, I switched my medication schedule to something that was better for the long term. Because of some of my symptoms I was taking aspirin as directed by a dr to treat joint pain. I ended up getting aspirin induced hepatitis, was hospitalized and then both because my liver was recovering and I was fairly immune compromised, I was not able to see anyone other than immediate family and Drs from late October through late December and returned to school in the new year.
It was definitely hard, I was in that transition period between elementary school and junior high and when we were all finding new friend groups, the academic support ai got from my school was non existent (you had to be out for 45 days before you could even apply for home tutoring), it was 1983, so we didn’t have online resources etc. I may be fooling myself, but I like to think I still turned out ok. I have a good job, wonderful family etc.
Obviously your son’s issues are different And many of the other circumstances are different, but I suspect that many people on this blog could share similar stories and similar positive outcomes.
Kids are sensitive to the emotions around them. A positive attitude from my parents ( my mom in particular) was a huge help to me at that time. There are many things in life you can’t control, but at least for those who don’t have underlying depression type issues, how we mentally face tough times is something we do have some control over. Being positive is something you can do that can have a very important impact on your son. If you are struggling personally, please try to find help so you are in a better place to help him. Kids are amazing. In some ways they are incredibly fragile, but in others, they are incredibly resilient.
I definitely don’t agree with you on many issues, and I’m not much of a praying person, but please believe that your family is in my thoughts and I’m sharing this out of love and concern, not judgement and disagreement.
April 12th, 2020 at 11:03 AM ^
"And while I would like to be able to assure him that it is not forever, at least here in Michigan such an explanation would be highly speculative at best and an outright lie at worst and it seems he knows that"
"For my youngest, hard to escape the conclusion that he is pretty screwed. With the rhetoric being used at this point, not sure he will see the inside of a “school” as we knew it or developmental extracurriculars again"
What are you talking about? I seriously hope you don't honestly think these things and you're indoctrinating your kids with this negativity. This is not permanent and school will be back to normal soon after a vaccine is developed. Stop with the apocalyptic bs
April 12th, 2020 at 11:37 AM ^
So mid-2021ish?
April 12th, 2020 at 12:05 PM ^
Maybe even earlier than that. But to act like that's forever and that this quarantine is going to go on forever is a bad attitude to have and influence you're children with especially when it's not true
I hope school starts in September this year. The question is, how can we do this without a vaccine? Reduction in class sizes would be great, but I don’t think we’re going to magically hire 25-50% more teachers and find more classrooms.
So it gets back to wearing masks, good hygiene and daily temperature checks. Allow kids who aren’t feeling well to call into their classroom. Widespread testing for the virus and for antibodies would also help a great deal. It’s only April. We have time to figure this out before September, but we need an organized, national effort to get this done.
April 12th, 2020 at 11:08 AM ^
If you think school does a better job than you at developing your child’s mind, I feel bad for you.
April 12th, 2020 at 11:39 AM ^
You mean if I didn’t have like a full time job to do?
April 12th, 2020 at 12:05 PM ^
Look at this situation as an opportunity to help your children through adversity and find their inner strength to do so as well. A good challenge for you and helpful for them. Maybe just start with things like breathing exercises. Other ways of calming your mind. If you're anxious, your kids will be.
April 12th, 2020 at 12:43 PM ^
Be sure to take care of yourself too because, even in normal circumstances, it’s super easy to forget to do that when you’re trying to maintain an image of calm and strength for your children when things are difficult.
Kids are way tougher and more resilient than we think they are. My mother was born during WWII in nazi occupied Poland. Her mother was taken to a forced labor camp and then came to America after the war without her.
She spent most of her childhood in shitty orphanages until some extended family finally took her in.
She's 80 now. Raised 2 kids and had a normal life.
The children will be fine.
I agree. I think adversity helps us to develop resilience. My childhood was no picnic but it taught me how to weather adversity. I think this is an opportunity to teach our kids that things don't always go as planned and you have to adjust. You have to find other ways of looking at things, and maybe learn some new skills or do activities that you wouldn't ordinarily do.
CBD oil people. My wife bugged me to use it for years and I figured it was bs psychosomatic stuff, but it really works.
I’m still going crazy stuck at home, but I’d be long past crazy without cbd.
Seconding this, it's a huge help with anxiety.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:16 AM ^
I'll have to try it out. Can you combine it with other medications?
April 12th, 2020 at 10:46 AM ^
Please, please ask that question of a pharmacist or your Dr and not on s sports message board Drug interactions are not something to take lightly. I say this from someone who literally can have life threatening issues if I eat to much or to little green vegetables because of the interactions with coumadin and vitamin k.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:47 AM ^
I would definitely check with your doctor if you have any questions, but from what I understand it's pretty friendly with other medications (I am NOT a medical professional, though).
April 12th, 2020 at 11:06 AM ^
That would be my sense too, but I’ve had enough personal experience that I’m very cautious.
April 12th, 2020 at 11:09 AM ^
Good question. I’m young and healthy so not much of an issue for me, but no doctor has ever mentioned it as a potential issue to me.
COVID sucks.... but this whole stay at home thing is great! As a traveling consultant, I’ve gotten great family time with my wife and young son. I’m eating healthier, finding time to exercise more, and wasting no time on a commute or airplane!
Chronic booze consumption weakens your mind, leading to the anxiousness you're feeling. Could be something else but I'd bet if you cut out the weeknight drinking you'd find your anxiety would lessen, leading to a happier overall state of being.
I don't mean to be flippant, but this time has been on balance, very good. I'm a homebody by nature, not really a fan of lots of people interaction, and I have no kid at home, just myself and my wife. We are lucky enough to both have jobs still that allow us to work from home, I've had the time to do a long walk every day for a change and am losing weight even. Check out the Larry David PSA on youtube for my feelings.
Having said that, I had been a little stir crazy in the sense of wanting to go to a store or out to eat. And on the stress side, I'm not highly confident of keeping my job if this goes on much longer and the economy doesn't rebound later this year.
Anyone having a hard time, my sympathies.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:56 AM ^
Like you, I’m a home body, so this has been pretty easy for me. I have always walked outside most everyday so that has continued. I also have in home workout equipment so never had a need for the gym. I am actually drinking less because I seldom drink at home, usually only after golf or at a restaurant. Never go to bars.
I do miss not golfing, but I didn’t golf all winter so I am not really into golf mode yet anyway. I also miss restaurants, movies and the theatre, but it has not been long enough to become a problem yet.
Hang in there people. This is a short term problem and will be over soon. There may even be some good lessons to learn and behaviors to change that comes from this experience.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjTqcPV9RHQ
I’ve definitely noticed some cracks in my mental health. I’m a single dad and share 50/50 custody of the kiddos with my ex. Spring time is always big for us because my son and oldest daughter would normally be in little league right now and I haven’t missed a season coaching since they started playing t-ball. This week was a rather tough one because their mom had them for “spring break” so I haven’t seen them all week. I’ve been trying to keep busy but sitting in a house by yourself really sucks. I think I’m probably funding a small town in Kentucky with all the bourbon I’ve been going through at night.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:07 AM ^
67. Retired for 5 years. Rural Kansas. 55 acre farm. My wife, a PNP, makes the trek to the front line 4 times a week. We routinely have the 2 grandsons for nice blocks of time-they are doing well.
There is a negative emotional undercurrent for my wife...but my life is otherwise unchanged. "Sleeping like a baby".
April 12th, 2020 at 10:10 AM ^
We left Breckenridge, CO on the morning of March 16th and arrived back in Alabama late in the afternoon of the 17th. I got up on the 18th and went out to stock up on supplies. Later that day, I developed a fever that lasted 9 day; it averaged around 100.5 and peaked over 104. I was completely wiped out until around April 2nd and the aches/pains - some of which were from just lying around for days on end - lasted until the beginning of this week. Was it COVID-19? My guess is yes, but my tele-doc declined to send me for testing.
On the work front, our software company has always taken a conservative approach. Our entire team continues to work remotely; more than half work remote on a daily basis. In other words, I don't have stress extra due to the company beyond making sure the six-figure monthly payrolls are met.
Today marks 25 days since we have left our house/yard with the exception of 3 short walks in the neighborhood. I am using this time to catch up on some things I wanted to do in our software; I may even have time to start blogging again. The biggest challenge I have is that my wife has early-onset Alzheimer's, so it has been hard to make her understand that we shouldn't go to stores. I also do all of the cooking / cleaning / laundry / shopping. I may continue to shop online when we are socially distancing.
Stay isolated for now and try not to worry about things. This time will pass and we will get back to somewhat of a normal existence again. Stay healthy and Go Blue.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:12 AM ^
Pretty badly. Days like today make me want to not live in this shit world anymore. Cant even see family for Easter. It may as well not even be Easter.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:23 AM ^
Christians have been celebrating Easter under awful conditions for thousands of years. Take heart in the fact that the meaning of Easter is especially relevant when the world appears bleak.
Not seeing family today is a huge bummer, so allow yourself to feel bummed. But there's also hope, so hold on to that as well.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:39 AM ^
Deep breaths, WD. If everybody does what they are supposed to do, they'll all be there for you on the other side.
April 12th, 2020 at 10:42 AM ^
It's really sad, but take heart in the fact that you are literally saving people's lives and making a difference in the world by staying home. It's awful and it's isolating, but it's an important way to serve and you're helping your fellow human beings.