Duke of Zhou

November 17th, 2022 at 12:46 PM ^

I believe I'm a sentient being, but perhaps you're a brain in a vat and I'm just a figment of your artificial reality.  Who knows?  Although I (fortunately) haven't lost a parent yet, I have lost all my grandparents and several friends.  I loved them all, and felt acute sadness upon their passing.  Any more questions?

TeslaRedVictorBlue

November 17th, 2022 at 12:51 PM ^

All of that may be true. If my calculations are correct, that is a perfectly reasonable feeling to have. 

I do have some additional questions.

Can you please click on all the squares that contain ladders?

Who was your childhood best friend?

What street did you grow up on?

Once completed, please enter the 11 digit code sent to your phone to properly multi-factor authenticate. The phone number we have on record for you is ***-***-3***

Duke of Zhou

November 17th, 2022 at 2:56 PM ^

Ode to Malcolm, the finest of cats

You won't find one better - and that is a fact

There were so many traits to admire

His beauty and grace could not rank any higher 

A Persian with soft, white fluffy fur

Always affectionate - he did not demur

Playful and fun inside the house 

Around the grounds you'd find nary a mouse 

Though he's been gone for many a year

To think of him now brings me great cheer

JHumich

November 17th, 2022 at 5:19 PM ^

I totally expected

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadrupedcarnivorous by nature;
Your visualolfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

[source]

tjohn7

November 17th, 2022 at 1:05 PM ^

I just tell them what they want to hear (great person, up in heaven, etc.). That's really all most are looking for. But yeah, hard not to sound like it's just a perfunctory condolence. 

"So sorry your dad died. At least all those Commies can sleep easy tonight" only lands in some groups 

jmblue

November 17th, 2022 at 1:26 PM ^

On the other side of it, when you've lost someone, it can be frustrating in the weeks that follow as everyone feels compelled to bring up the death when you're often trying to not think about it.  People mean well, but they end up forcing you to re-live it over and over.

When this happened to me, what I really wanted was for people to just act normally around me.  Everyone was on eggshells.  

It's just a very awkward time for everybody.

Wendyk5

November 17th, 2022 at 1:45 PM ^

And are there words that are right and truly comforting? I always think I sound insincere when I express my condolences, especially if I didn't know the person who died. Then I'm just using the same words I use for everyone in that circumstance, rather than some authentic personal anecdote. It never feels like, "I'm sorry for your loss" is enough. 

TeslaRedVictorBlue

November 17th, 2022 at 2:23 PM ^

There really are not. The people who you need are already around you. The rest it just creates uncomfortable interaction. I appreciated the sentiment when my dad passed away, and would have been irked if not thought of or reached out to...

Yet... I'd say the worst is, once things settle a bit, you're just left with the depressing sadness and everyone else (rightfully so) is back to their lives. You lose a bit of yourself.. and that's wh you need close family and friends.. to extend that warmth/kindness past the funeral

befuggled

November 17th, 2022 at 2:16 PM ^

Absolutely. It didn't help that fucking Facebook sent out reminders for their birthday, either, or that several of their friends hadn't heard about the death until I told them months later.

I'd add that, depending on who the person was, you're often in some form of shock for a period after they die. I know I was--it didn't really hit home for a while.

Slim Whitman

November 17th, 2022 at 10:20 PM ^

Lost mine in May.  Hugged him the last time I could in 2020.  Said the mushy stuff when he called me in February with the dementia dx. There is probably a Bo lasting lesson about seizing the moment to make the gesture, say the words out loud.

Told him it was ok to go when I came to hospice, but I think Elvis had left the building already.

The vacuum remains. I still have the urge to call, but then have to stop myself and remember that all that end of days stuff wasn't some awful nightmare.

mGrowOld

November 17th, 2022 at 12:56 PM ^

I lost my dad in 2009 and my mom in 2010.  And while both were in their late 80's when they passed it was still very hard.

Not a day goes by I dont miss them terribly.  And dad frequently makes an appearance in my dreams (although almost never mom for some reason).  

Thoughts and prayers Bret.