OT: Lion Cakes
Earlier this summer, I was walking through the soda aisle in Walmart and I saw something I had never seen before: Pineapple-flavored Mountain Dew (Baja Flash). And out of nowhere, a long-forgotten dream came flooding back to me.
Lion Cakes.
The week before the 2021 Super Bowl I had a vivid dream. In this dream, I was in a cafe somewhere in SE Michigan where I ordered a coffee and some Lion Cakes.
What's a Lion Cake, you may ask? A Lion Cake, as described to me by my dream agent, is a Honolulu Blue cupcake with silver frosting topped with a dollop of Pineapple Mountain Dew-infused whipped cream. In my dream, this was the dessert that propelled the Detroit Lions into the Super Bowl -- a rallying point for fans and the team that exploded in popularity as the team worked its way through the playoffs.
Waking up, realizing that I was the recipient of a true vision of the future, I considered the dream carefully, but believing that Pineapple Mountain Dew did not exist, I forgot about it -- until that fateful day in Walmart.
I recognize my solemn duty to relay this information to the world. I am not a baker and don't possess the expertise to provide the perfect recipe for Lion Cakes. With that in mind, here is my prototype for Lion Cakes, which took a surprising number of iterations to create.
I used this recipe for the cupcakes:https://natashaskitchen.com/perfect-vanilla-cupcake-recipe/
Making Honolulu Blue cupcakes is not as easy as you might think. Even if you put the entire tiny bottle of blue food coloring into the batter, it turns out greenish-blue. I experimented with first adding cocoa to the blue food coloring which worked OK but tended to be too dark. In the end I bought a big bottle of blue food coloring and just added about an ounce (which is a lot!) of blue food coloring for 6 cupcakes.
For the frosting, I used a buttercream and added black food gel until it looked silver. After frosting with a rose tip, I sprayed it with Wilton Silver Color Mist which gave it a sort of metallic shine.
Finally, for the dollop of Pineapple Mountain Dew-infused whipped cream, I reduced two cans of the soda down to about 3 ounces of syrup. Don't let the heat get too high because it can quickly turn into a hard candy. I made whipped cream with real whipping cream, then gradually folded in the syrup. I added a few drops of yellow food coloring to even out the color.
If you're wondering why it has to be Pineapple Mountain Dew-infused whipped cream: I don't know -- I'm just reporting what I was told. I don't personally like Mountain Dew at all.
Being the vessel for this prophecy was the greatest honor and greatest responsibility given to any person in this Age. With this diary I release Lion Cakes to the entire world, finally providing the last piece of the puzzle for the Lions' ultimate success.
See you all at the Super Bowl!
The cupcake and the whipped cream topping look good, but the silver frosting is not an appetizing color. But it has to taste okay because you just can't go wrong with buttercream! I'd try it if you mailed me one, but, alas, I won't bake them. Cake is good for nothing but as a vessel for the frosting, even cupcake!
Except for pineapple upside down cake - that stuff is righteous! Otherwise, gimme a pie over cake any day, and twice on Sunday's. Make me a Lion Pie and you might be onto something...
(Yeah, I said it. Pie over cake any day, all day...)
Oh, shut your pie hole! Cake reigns over pies.
The thing about pie is that it needs to be homemade to be good (and by somebody who knows what they're doing). I love a good pie (preferably cherry, but apple will do in a pinch) but I have literally never had a pie in a restaurant that is better than mediocre. Commercial pies (I'm looking at you, Hostess) are often vile. The difference is usually the crust.
Restaurant cakes, though, can be as good or better than homemade cakes and commercial cakes can be pretty good.
(Yeah, I said it. Pie over cake any day, all day...)
I'm with you on this one. When I was a kid, my mom would make us whatever flavor birthday cake we wanted. But since my October birthday falls right in the middle of apple season, I'd ask for an apple pie instead. That was fine with her, so come that day, there would be two pies: one for the family, and one all for me. Still one of the best presents I ever got.
Nothing wrong with cake, but if I've got a choice, gimme the pie.
+1...
Especially with the pineapple upside down cake qualifier
August 4th, 2021 at 10:07 AM ^
I dated a lying pie for too long. All that sugar gave me cloudy vision.
Looks quite tasty. But I am concerned the football gods will screw you on a technicality (this is about the Lions after all), for using Baja Flash which is pineapple/coconut and not Maui Burst, the pure pineapple variant.
On the one hand, the Maui Burst flavor makes a lot more sense to go with the Lions' Honolulu Blue uniforms. But on the other hand, that kind of attention to detail goes against the ethos of the Lions organization.
I did think of that, but since Providence sent me the dream just as they released Baja Flash, I felt it was the clear choice.
How did it taste??
Pretty good but I'm not going to lie: boiled-down Baja Flash Mountain Dew is kind of strange. But I'll eat with a smile if it gets the Lions to the Super Bowl.
How many people have to eat these for the Lions to win the superbowl? Do we have to eat them at the same time?
That was unfortunately not revealed to me. Hopefully another Mgoblogger had the next dream in the sequence.
Reminds me of this commercial...
I came here for the urinal cake jokes, but was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the diary. This is the Lions year. Restore the ROAR!
Speaking of the urinal, what color were your excremental fluids after consuming these dream cakes?
You know what's good with Honolulu Blue cupcakes?
Please sacrifice one of these to the NFL football gods so the Lions can win a playoff game.
Logged in to say this is what OT season is all about. I commend you on actually creating this monstrosity and (saying this as a Browns fan) wish you the best with such superstitions.
“In the end I bought a big bottle of blue food coloring and just added about an ounce (which is a lot!) of blue food coloring for 6 cupcakes.”
congratulations! You learned the secret of a red (or green or orange or...) velvet cake/cupcakes: white cake mix, a spoonful of cocoa & the big bottle of food color of your choice.
After resisting an obviously ridiculous OT title, I finally succumbed and glad I did.
Congratulations, Baby Cakes!
I'd add a Thank you for your prescience but don't want to jinx anything.
I think if I ate one of those, my poop would be a funny color.
Dear Mountain Dew Man,
Now I believe too.
Walking in NYC's Riverside Park just now, I passed a garden around a giant (VW-sized) rock on a slope, and at first glance it was covered with a creeping vine. But a closer look showed a weirdly vivid green color. Like green bubble wrap.
There was a sign. It was an art installation. The apparent vine was cut up parts of Mountain Dew bottles!
You're clearly on to something.
Blue (not Green) Vet
August 3rd, 2021 at 11:01 AM ^
I'm not expecting the Lions to do too much better than last year - nor am I expecting them to win more games than Michigan this year. I'm hardly even a Lions fan anymore. More of a Lions observer.
But Michigan's record last year. The Bo/Anderson stuff that came out this past offseason. I'm shockingly more excited for the Lions season than Michigan's.
Your cupcake looks great but your frosting piping needs a little work. May this hasten the unfolding of the prophesy!
Seeing as your dream cupcake was the "actual" cupcake that got the Lions to the SB, technically, This post is not the greatest cupcake in the world, this is just a tribute.
August 4th, 2021 at 10:06 AM ^
Penei Sewell and Alim McNeill approve of this message.
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