2009 Michigan Football Drinking Game
Alright, this upcoming season has been detailed and previewed a thousand ways from Sunday in a much better fashion than I could ever hope to do myself. As such, I am going to contribute in a fashion that I can actually do well: drinking. I was a fairly regular contributor in the live chats last year (I was not the one not approving all of your awesome comments though, don’t look at me), and was pretty much always drunk or approaching it while doing so, so without further delay, I present the Michigan Football 2009 Drinking Game
For the record, a “drink” for me is generally a hearty gulp of whatever you happen to have on hand. For me, this week, this means Beck’s Oktoberfest, New Amsterdam Gin, Sailor Jerry Navy Rum, Goldschlager, and an awful well tequila only used if things get really, really bad. Here are the ground rules:
1 Drink for:
- Any mention of the practice limits “scandal”. This is a recent event, so I figure it will be mentioned quite a bit. Our livers are not in midseason form yet, so 1 drink it is.
- Any mention of the 2008 season coinciding with a mention like “historically bad” or “first losing season in a long time” or an annoying snarky remark like “they aren’t used to seasons like that in Ann Arbor.” Again, probably a frequent thing, don’t want to drown ourselves in booze just yet, etc.
- Any video segment about the construction upgrades to the Big House. Not a bad thing, but worth drinking to since it will undoubtedly happen.
- We lose the coin flip. Hey, why not.
2 Drinks for:
- A fumbled punt or kickoff return. Self explanatory, hold on to the goddamn ball please.
- A screen pass/lateral thrown backwards.
- Fumbled snap.
- An opposing field goal.
- Any mention of Denard playing without shoelaces.
3 Drinks for:
- Any mention of the scandals of yesteryear: paper shredding, family values, etc.
- Any comparison between UM and WVU.
- Any mention of Notre Dame. Just because I hate them. Even more than OSU, although I know that’s not common. Switch the two if you feel the reverse.
4 Drinks for:
- An opposing touchdown.
- Any Michigan injury. Goes double if it’s Brandon Graham.
Angry Shots for:
- Nick Sheridan entering the game. Even if only in a Darko-like victory cigar capacity, I still need to calm my nerves when this happens
That’s what I’ll be drinking to every week. I obviously tend to drink to calm anger during games.
WMU specific rules:
I don’t really hate WMU with any passion, but I can think of a few things I will be drinking to this game:
1 Drink for:
- Any mention of the distance between Kalamazoo and Ann Arbor (~100 miles)
- If you see anyone you graduated high school with who is still enrolled at Western for a 5th+ year. I do know several.
Chug Until Vomit for:
- Actually losing to WMU. We really, really need to win this game.
Leave any revision suggestions or ideas for Notre Dame specific rules in the comments. Happy drinking. Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;}
For the record, a “drink” for me is generally a hearty gulp of whatever you happen to have on hand. For me, this week, this means Beck’s Oktoberfest, New Amsterdam Gin, Sailor Jerry Navy Rum, Goldschlager, and an awful well tequila only used if things get really, really bad. Here are the ground rules:
1 Drink for:
- Any mention of the practice limits “scandal”. This is a recent event, so I figure it will be mentioned quite a bit. Our livers are not in midseason form yet, so 1 drink it is.
- Any mention of the 2008 season coinciding with a mention like “historically bad” or “first losing season in a long time” or an annoying snarky remark like “they aren’t used to seasons like that in Ann Arbor.” Again, probably a frequent thing, don’t want to drown ourselves in booze just yet, etc.
- Any video segment about the construction upgrades to the Big House. Not a bad thing, but worth drinking to since it will undoubtedly happen.
- We lose the coin flip. Hey, why not.
2 Drinks for:
- A fumbled punt or kickoff return. Self explanatory, hold on to the goddamn ball please.
- A screen pass/lateral thrown backwards.
- Fumbled snap.
- An opposing field goal.
- Any mention of Denard playing without shoelaces.
3 Drinks for:
- Any mention of the scandals of yesteryear: paper shredding, family values, etc.
- Any comparison between UM and WVU.
- Any mention of Notre Dame. Just because I hate them. Even more than OSU, although I know that’s not common. Switch the two if you feel the reverse.
4 Drinks for:
- An opposing touchdown.
- Any Michigan injury. Goes double if it’s Brandon Graham.
Angry Shots for:
- Nick Sheridan entering the game. Even if only in a Darko-like victory cigar capacity, I still need to calm my nerves when this happens
That’s what I’ll be drinking to every week. I obviously tend to drink to calm anger during games.
WMU specific rules:
I don’t really hate WMU with any passion, but I can think of a few things I will be drinking to this game:
1 Drink for:
- Any mention of the distance between Kalamazoo and Ann Arbor (~100 miles)
- If you see anyone you graduated high school with who is still enrolled at Western for a 5th+ year. I do know several.
Chug Until Vomit for:
- Actually losing to WMU. We really, really need to win this game.
Leave any revision suggestions or ideas for Notre Dame specific rules in the comments. Happy drinking. Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;}
September 4th, 2009 at 7:07 PM ^
Eh, some formatting issues. Oh well.
September 4th, 2009 at 7:17 PM ^
Let me get this straight;
Denard doesn't tie his shoes? Is THAT why they call him "Shoelaces"?
September 4th, 2009 at 7:21 PM ^
I can't wait to see 'shoelaces' bust one on a read option...
September 4th, 2009 at 7:28 PM ^
you might want to add 1 drink for mention of WV of any kind. or MSU's tour of the MAC over the next 10 years
September 4th, 2009 at 7:29 PM ^
Speaking of MAC, does Toledo count as it's own entry?
September 4th, 2009 at 10:34 PM ^
not sure it will be up to the discretion of the drinker, my original intent was for the michigan mac teams but it could be expanded depending on the context of the statement.
September 4th, 2009 at 7:28 PM ^
You totally omitted the Horror.
EDIT:
Other ideas that I'll update as I think of them.:
- mentions of Boise State over Oregon or the Blount incident
September 4th, 2009 at 7:37 PM ^
Alright yeah, Appy State will be added in next week. Knew I forgot something.
September 4th, 2009 at 7:38 PM ^
Also probably adding any video montage of M coaches to the one drink category
September 4th, 2009 at 7:56 PM ^
1 drink for interception, 3 and out, and everytime they show a past michigan player on the sideline.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:07 PM ^
"UM could be playing Ryan Mallett right now, but..."
Hopefully, this won't come up because it will mean our qb's are inept.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:21 PM ^
it's a new season, can we have some optimistic rules (especially since drinking can be a rewarding, celebratory experience, and not just a cathartic, demon-purging one - last year excepted of course)?
In that vein, suggestions:
1 drink anytime a freshman makes a tackle, x2 if for a loss, x3 for a sack (we're going to need them this year) - and x1 for a broken up pass
Anytime Shaw or Martavious breaks a tackle x2, or anytime Minor goes around a defender rather than through him.
Any one-handed grab drink
Any pancake block drink
Anytime Zoltan takes off with the ball, immediately start drinking, don't stop until the plays dies (so be ready on punts) - and if any high stepping is involved cap your drinking with a from-the-bottle swig of tequila (I will be drinking Cofradia, so an easier commitment from me).
Obvious stuff like scores, forced turnovers, sacks, hell first downs if you like can obviously be mandated drinks as well.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:14 PM ^
You've got some winners in there (eg., one-handed grab, Zoltan punting) but with the rest of your suggestions, I predict a stomach pumping.
Either that, or you're Irish. Slainte!
September 4th, 2009 at 10:53 PM ^
We're all going to be dead by halftime.
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