Ten Ways To Make X Better: Soccer
An irregular series in which I fix all of a sport's problems. Previously: hockey.
[Paul Sherman]
10. Use goal line technology. The imposition on the flow of the game is minimal and there is no reason to not have it. Whether or not a goal is scored is kind of a big deal in a sport that sees 3 or 4 a game.
9. Offsides is reviewable on goals. Again, this disrupts the 90-minute-flow that soccer and only soccer has. But since the game is getting broken up anyway—at least slightly—a quick peek at whether an offsides was or was not accurate is worth it as long as they adopt the NFL's hard limit on time available to make a decision. If it's not obvious in 30 seconds the call is close enough.
8. Stop the clock when people are injured. Ideally soccer would dump the whole stoppage time concept and have a clock that actually reflects what time it is. Every other sport manages this. In lieu of a total overhaul which is not coming, soccer games should borrow a concept from college soccer and allow the ref to cease the inexorable march of time with an X symbol over his head.
The X is deployed when the game is stopped because a player is down. Right now the perception amongst players is that falling over when nursing a late lead helps you win, so it happens all the time. Erase that perception and second half time-wasting gets 50% more tolerable.
7. Yellow cards for being Pepe. In the Champions League Final, Real Madrid defender Pepe twice rolled around like he'd been shot after light taps to his face. These should be cardable events. I will also accept a firing squad.
6. Dump Financial Fair Play and replace it with… I don't know. FFP, if you don't know, is an attempt to prevent a rich owner buying a Chelsea or Manchester City and making them very good by spending a lot of money. Because teams are allowed to spend what they make it tends to set the current power structure in concrete, Leicester notwithstanding. Also it does not work for the same reasons that NCAA amateurism rules, and prohibition more generally, don't work. There is always someone smart enough to cheese the rules. Like… yep, Leicester.*
I have no idea what to do with it in its place. Ideally the euro soccer structure would change so that a Leicester City event was more of a one-in-ten-year event instead of one in a hundred, but I struggle to come up with something that would work. Even Germany—which has the most even revenue distribution and rules against club ownership by individuals—has seen Bayern win four straight titles and 12 since 1998.
The predictability of euro soccer is the main reason I can't be bothered to care about any of it. I have the choice of picking the Yankees or the Lions, and no thanks to either. But without radically reshaping it into a socialist American-style thing*, which isn't happening, there appears to be no solution other than buying a little defensive midfielder from Ligue 2.
*[The cheesing Leicester managed was not enough to get them anywhere near the giants in the EPL and should not color anyone's perceptions of the magnitude of their accomplishment. The fact that there's a Guardian expose on the fact that Man Who Owns Soccer Team Spends Money On It that includes the phrase "Leicester City’s dash to an unlikely Premier League title is billed as football’s most romantic story in a generation but" is so very NCAA and demonstrates why FFP is destined to fail.]
**[The irony here is vast, yes.]
5. Allow refs some discretion on PKs. Right now a lot of fouls in the box don't get called because the punishment for them is outlandishly severe. Also some harmless situations get punished in an outlandishly severe way. If a ref spots a foul in the box that doesn't disrupt an imminent scoring chance he should be allowed to call for a free kick at the spot.
4. Free kicks resulting from fouls that draw yellow cards should be more dangerous. Defenders should not be allowed to line up in the penalty box on the resulting free kick unless they are level with or behind the ball*. That's not as severe as a penalty kick, but it's a lot more severe than it currently is and would adequately punish teams that specialize in those canny fouls just outside of PK territory.
*[IE, they can still defend the opposition on FKs that are more or less corners.]
3. No shootouts in finals. I don't care what you have to do to prevent them. Anything vaguely resembling the actual sport that's going on is far superior to the current system, in which all of a sudden a darts competition breaks out after 120 minutes. The only person who likes that is Steve Lorenz. I grudgingly accept that maybe you have to have shootouts for early stages in competitions because winning the equivalent of a triple OT hockey game is going to destroy your fitness for the next game. Finals should end with someone scoring a goal.
There are various ways to approach the problem but I think the simplest and best is to remove the goalies after 30 minutes of extra time and play sudden death. Is that 100% soccer? No. But it's at least 50% instead of 0%.
2. All throw ins must have a totally rad flip before them. I mean.
This one is obvious.
1. Teams have the option of putting a guy on field with skates. Offsides does not apply to him. Goals he scores count double. It works for any sport!
But I love the running clock, regardless of injury or play stoppage (substitutions, goalie time wasting, etc.).
I would support an improved method of ensuring that stoppage time is more fairly determined, maybe by requiring an independent "clock referee" who sits up in the press box; and whose job is limited to keeping track of all stoppages and reporting the total to the stoppage time sign holder a minute or two before the end of each half.
3-1 magically becomes 21-7! I'm surprised other sports haven't thought of that...
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How about allowing the players to pick up the ball and run with it?
That already exists!!!! It's Gaelic football:
Change the scoring system to emulate conversion of American/Canadian Football touchdowns and Rugby tries.
How?
A goal scored during live play is now worth 5 or 6 points (TBD). Further, it gives the scoring team the right to have set-play at goal (ie a conversion play modeled on penalty kicks and corner kicks). This set-play would start either from the spot where the first goal was kicked/headed-in (if inside the Penalty Area), or a corner kick (if outside the Penalty Area). The scoring team will have 5 seconds to execute the set-play from the first touch. Any foul by the defense awards the goal try to the offense. This set-play conversion is worth 1 or 2 points (TBD).
This would encourage teams to attack instead of playing for ties.
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A couple of comments:
#3 (shootouts): have the shootout immediately after regulation is completed, and before overtime. Then play the overtime. If it is tied after extra time, the winner of the shootout advances / wins the trophy / whatever is at stake. If nothing else, overtimes will have some epic action.
#8 (timing): every single football-derivative (association football, rugby football, american football) started out with invisible timing being kept by the referee. Every single football-derivative except for association football has gone to a visible clock without any harm being done to the sport. I think we can safely assume that association football would be able to make the same switch. You can add a rugby-like rule, that the half doesn't end until the other team gets possession, without any problem.
If soccer had a visible clock right now, nobody would be arguing that they should get rid of it and have the official keep a semi-secret time count that is not shared with the spectators. That would be the silliest rule change ever. But we accept it as normal "because it's always been that way" and for no other reason.
EDIT: Damn it; somebody posted the same shootout before overtime rule change suggestion about 15 minutes before I did!
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_spot/2016/06/01/how_to_fix_the_penalty_s…
That is - if you ever want to get Americans and Canadians to care about soccer.
1. Don't do replay to check offsides calls - get rid of the offsides rule altogether.
The entire point of most sports is to get behind the defense. The point of soccer defense seems to be to make your opponent get behind you. It's insane. Scrap the rule.
If you have to have offsides, make it hockey like in that you can't cross say into the penalty area ahead of the ball or draw a line somewhere to same effect.
Can you imagine how many Super Bowls the Lions would have won if getting behind the Lions secondary was illegal?
2. Unlimited substitutions all the time anytime - like hockey
The boredom quotient of soccer would disappear if you constantly had fresh bodies coming into and out of the game.
3. Add team fouls in a similar way to basketball.
So many fouls in a half = PK
Do away with red and yellow cards, but instead add up individual fouls and have those players be able to foul out at a certain point with "X" number of fouls in a game.
4. Concussion protocol for any soccer players going off the field on a stretcher or ambulance
That should cut down on the faking/diving
5. Add some penalty for intentionally kicking/playing the ball out of bounds
Perhaps not a throw in, let the other team free kick from that spot. It's boring as hell to watch soccer teams constantly play the ball out of bounds on purpsose.
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