Need Advice: Soon-to-be wifey's 1st football game. At the big house. For OSU.
Hi there friends,
I am getting married at the end of October (on the bye weekend, which may or may not have been an accident). A month later we will be with my family for Thanksgiving in Chicago and I am planning to take her to Ann Arbor on Friday (we got a hotel on S. State down by I-94) and to The Game on Saturday. I'm looking for advice!
- Should I get tickets in advance? Wait til game day?
- I've never gone to a game NOT as a student so where should I plan to tailgate in the morning?
- Am I too old (32) to go out on Friday night in town?
- Any stories, words of adivice you want to share would be appreciated!
Go blue!
October 2nd, 2023 at 1:20 AM ^
First two lines are solid gold. Third line (about age) is pure scheiss. 😉
October 2nd, 2023 at 1:19 PM ^
You're telling me. It's what's happened both times I've married someone, and in a decent number of longer-term relationships.
That's why I categorically don't believe in committing to anyone. People are their worst selves when they become complacent, and committed relationships lead to complacency.
October 3rd, 2023 at 11:44 AM ^
I get that it doesn't work for you; also, I am honestly happy that you're that self aware. Good!
Your key word is complacency. I've taken the approach that commitment requires a certain level of devoted energy - basically forever. It's work - yes. But. It's also rewarding work. 42 years and counting.
October 4th, 2023 at 12:52 AM ^
Man, I respect the fuck out of your perspective. We don't always agree, but I genuinely appreciate the way you word things and the logic behind them.
So here's the thing for me. There's no way for a person to know whether or not a potential partner is willing or able to devote the kind of energy needed to make a long-term relationship work until the proverbial rubber hits the road. I know I'm not perfect, but I also know the ways in which I'm not perfect.
It's much easier for people to hear stories about exes doing emotionally volatile, illogical, and violent things and react with "I'd never do that to you," than it is for them to actually not do those things while going through a painful breakup or rough patch in a relationship. Every single woman that's done some traumatic, trust-breaking, fucked-up shit while/after being in a relationship with me promised earlier in the relationship that they'd never do that kind of thing. All of them. Without exception.
Maybe it's my fault for being open and vulnerable about my trauma while not being the greatest at reading tone, body language, and facial expressions, but it seems so much more sustainable for me to bifurcate the people that I have sex with and the people that I talk about emotions and trauma with than to confide in and rely on someone that's seemingly inevitably going to use that information to hurt me at a later point in time.
October 4th, 2023 at 7:46 PM ^
Thanks!
Straight up? No bullshit? You're absolutely, zero argument, right. People can swear they'll never do X and then do X - or even Y, which is even worse than X - so GTF out of my life.
My first marriage was brief, ended in a pure scheiss show. I KNOW who bad it can get. Oh yeah, we rewrote the findings of the marital masters in my state. Ugly.
My approach with this second one has been to work hard, on a regular basis, to make her feel good about herself and our partnership. Easy? Nope. Just the opposite. Have I had to call her out on a few things? Sure!. And she listened (and, yes, apologized) because the partnership works for her: it meets her need(s) for security, well being, and overall happiness (because I structure it, diligently, that way).
Do I mess up? Yes. Sometimes I overwhelm her with my maleness in some, apparently insensitive way. When that happens? I pay *very* close attention to her words and then think about the importance of "the feelz" - cause I think (some, maybe all) women are about the feelz. She's very much worth it for me to pay attention, be sensitive, apologize and then figure out a way to not do *that* again: because how she feels matters greatly to me. When she's happy, my life is better, easier, etc. I don't sacrifice myself or my own happiness to make her happy, but I am happy to adjust within my "maleness".
Promises mean nothing, actions mean everything. Ante-nuptials are stress relievers. Be consistent and be gentle but not squishy; the feelz are *important". Honesty builds trust; trust is the sine qua non of a marriage.
42 years and counting.
Hang in there !
October 4th, 2023 at 8:41 PM ^
Exactly! People can be massively cruel.
I'm happy that works for you. Genuinely. It sounds like you've found something mutually beneficial and sustainable long-term. Get that oxytocin!
I didn't mean to come across as despondent! I'm very happy being single. You're 100% right in that maintaining a relationship is work, and ALL about the feels. I've got enough work to do on myself and wine studies that it's easy for me to not want to add to that workload.
The feeling of freedom from not having to do that work and maintain someone else's emotional state is something that I particularly enjoy. Every time I hear my neighbors screaming at each other, I sigh with contentment from not having to deal with that.
October 4th, 2023 at 9:05 PM ^
You got it working for you. Good! Enjoy it! Yes, I understand (and remember, sometimes fondly) that incredible freedom of and in singleness. Repeat. Good, enjoy!
And? I am sorry that you got kicked in the teeth. You seem like someone who deserved to be treated well. Yes, people do frequently suck.
A bit more about "why marriage" for me? Two things: kids and personal ambitions. I wanted kids, knew I needed a partner who not only also wanted kids but also wanted to (help) raise them in the way that I wanted. Actually had a bit of an very extended interview period about that with her before we said "I Do". Kids are a scheiss-ton of work and I knew I couldn't do it alone. Hell no.
Second, a decent part of my ego is in my financial/professional success. I knew I couldn't "go get it all", run a home and raise kids without a partner. And yes, I was willing to make it worth her while (make her happy with a devoted family and life security(ies)) to free me up to "go get it". She was willing to let me work at it, knowing that I would always come home to her, give her a break when she needed it and work at keeping her happy.
I could not be who I am, done what I've done, had the kids that I now have without her partnership.
End.
Be well ...
October 1st, 2023 at 9:51 PM ^
1. in advance as possible
2. if you’re not doing one yourself then idk. I don’t think I’ve never not done one. but definitely walk around the stadium and golf course (if it’s open)
3. no. go to the brown jug and get a cheeseburger. dead serious. its good
4. have fun
October 1st, 2023 at 9:54 PM ^
I am getting married at the end of October (on the bye weekend, which may or may not have been an accident).
Yeah, this is still a major fail. To say nothing of other college football fans who may be at your wedding who have teams that aren't Michigan, I'm sure you're aware this is not our forever bye week. And you have this little thing annually called an anniversary that will now always fall on October whatever. Now granted, that won't usually be a Saturday, but you're pretty much playing with fire. Do better with your second marriage.
Now, as for the rest:
1) Tickets--You don't already have tickets? lol
2) Tailgate? Was there a special student tailgate when you were in school or something? Or you just mean you were at the frat houses. There's no old person tailgate. If you don't have one to go to, just plan to walk around campus, MDen, get breakfast, etc. But don't get caught in 2 hour wait for a breakfast table for a noon game.
3) Too old to go out Friday--Like others have said, don't go to Rick's. Be an adult and go to an adult place. [Edit: You don't have to go to Main Street area--although I think you should. You could still go to Brown Jug or Pizza House or something. But no, you don't want to be at a student bar at midnight.]
4) Stories/Advice--Every relationship is different. Good luck.
October 1st, 2023 at 10:08 PM ^
- Should I get tickets in advance? Wait til game day?
Get them in advance. Save yourself the hassle.
- I've never gone to a game NOT as a student so where should I plan to tailgate in the morning?
If you don't have a group to tailgate with, I wouldn't bother (unless she really wants to). Just have breakfast somewhere in town.
- Am I too old (32) to go out on Friday night in town?
Of course not. Plenty of non-students live in town. But you might want to go to a classier place than say, Skeeps or Rick's.
- Any stories, words of adivice you want to share would be appreciated!
Make sure you're properly dressed. Being cold for 4 hours is rough. Seat cushions may be a good idea as well.
October 1st, 2023 at 11:15 PM ^
just FYI..my father has 2 season tickets and its my turn to go to the osu game. My son and I had planned to go together but before we booked our flights from Atlanta we decided to take my daughter (UGA GRAD) to the game..long story short, I found a ticket in the same section and paid $800...oh well its on my bucket list!!
October 1st, 2023 at 11:24 PM ^
1. Make sure you have warm clothes for her. A snowmobile suit, or down pants with a shell. Remember, she cannot take her handbag into the game unless it is a clear one.
2. Make sure you take her to see the drumline before the game. Then march with the band to the stadium. Historic and awesome.
3. After we win big and crush the Buckeyes, make sure to stay for the band (only about 10,000 fans stay at most games) but the bands put on a great show. She will like it. Move down to rows 2-30 in section 23 or 22.
4. Make reservations now for a night out on Friday night, say reservations at a nice restaurant downtown. Like the Earle. Many others to choose from.
5. Tix will be expensive, but the experience is unforgettable.
October 2nd, 2023 at 11:17 PM ^
she cannot take her handbag into the game unless it is a clear one
You should double check that. I went with my daughter to the Penn State game last year and they stopped her because she had a clear bag. She was not allowed in. We had to go store the bag inside Crisler and then get it back after the game.
October 1st, 2023 at 11:29 PM ^
“Wifey” is juvenile and idiotic language. Do better.
October 1st, 2023 at 11:46 PM ^
How about “Schmoopy”?
October 2nd, 2023 at 12:43 AM ^
Without things that are juvenile and idiotic, my days would be a lot less fun.
October 2nd, 2023 at 5:58 AM ^
I’d wait till gameday and usually do. Getting tickets now factors out weather, records and your paying an anticipation/hyped up price. I had no intentions of going back in 21 but the weather turned to shit. Thanks to another member here I scored 3 tix for face value. There’s a small city of fans at the big house and lots of things go wrong with gameday plans and not everyone wants to make enough on a ticket to have a down payment for a car. We usually tailgate at the golf course, pioneers full and too much of a pita to get in and out of. Get there early and enjoy the experience. They’ll be buckeye fans there but they’re mostly chill away from the snake pit that is the shoe. As far as going out on Friday, I say do it. I’m 50 and could give two shits how it looks if I wanna relive my college days.
October 2nd, 2023 at 8:28 AM ^
I'm guessing you're local and don't get a hotel room to come to town for the game. It's obviously up to the OP to determine his risk level, but personally for an Ohio State game where currently it appears it will be a top 5 matchup, I'd rather have tickets in hand and have the price be a known quantity.
You found someone before kickoff getting rid of them at face? That seems like a very hard thing to count on. And if the only place you really have to look is a ticket app, you won't find that.
Unless you can find someone to sell them at 400% under the secondary market value, you're at best going to save a couple hundred dollars by trying to watch for cheap tickets like a hawk, but potentially risk paying a few hundred dollars more by waiting, and are guaranteed to feel more stress and anxiety while playing the waiting game.
October 2nd, 2023 at 8:30 AM ^
Congrats on your future marriage. Since you're getting married October it remains to be seen if you hit a home run or only a triple. The Game in November will be a great indicator.
October 2nd, 2023 at 9:23 AM ^
Here’s some advice: don’t refer to her as “wifey”.
October 2nd, 2023 at 5:29 PM ^
It sucks to so many anti-marriage sentiments on this post. I get it. Many people aren't meant to be married/committed to one person for the rest of their lives. But just because certain have failed at multiple marriages/long term commitments doesn't mean it's a bad institution. Maybe having that many failed attempts at it doesn't mean it sucks. Maybe that/those people are the problem.
My advice? As someone who self-identifies as a barely aboverage husband? Just be yourself. I recently celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary, but we've been together for 21 years. I was pushing for marriage more than she was, tbh. And one of the main factors for her finally agreeing to it was getting me health insurance.
I..I am/was not a very good person, relationship wise. I'm selfish,impulsive,constantly in need of gratification. She saw all that, and unbeknownst to me was helping me improve in those areas. And while the root cause has always been abundantly obvious, I needed help with the next step. That's where she helped me. And by no means am I a finished my product.
And those are MY words. She's never said them to me, at least directly. Marriage honestly saved my life. But I found the one. The calm to my insanity. And whatever counterbalance you need, and everyone needs one, once you find it you'll be way better off.
(This was written by Yak, not Mrs. Attack. I promise.)
October 2nd, 2023 at 11:45 PM ^
To be clear, I don't think it's a "bad institution," necessarily. I think that there are plenty of reasons that marriage could be a good idea for couples planning on having children. But that doesn't include me.
Generally, I think that all relationships have a shelf life and that breaking up sooner is generally more wise and less harmful than doing it later. But I'm just gonna leave this little excerpt from Daniel Sloss' book that says it better than I ever could.
"Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing. Love is wonderful. Despite what people will tell you about me, I do not hate love. I hate fake love, and the problem is most of you morons can’t tell the difference between real and fake because you’re in a relationship. Just like I don’t know when I’m in one. Love is a chemical imbalance in the brain that has more drastic side effects than drug addiction. You want me to cite evidence for that claim? Just trust me and beware: Relationships can change you entirely. They almost always do.
You meet someone perfect and great and beautiful and they eat ass, but also your mum loves them, and oh, God, she just kissed your mum on her cheek with her ass-eating mouth, oh, no, your asshole and your mum are now only two degrees of separation and that degree of separation is now talking to Dad, oh, God, maybe Dad eats ass, it might be genetic, who knows, maybe you’re one degree of separation from your mother’s asshole. Oh, God.
I digress. You meet this great person who loves you, too. What an idiot! Look at this perfect moron hanging around with an absolute liability like yourself. So you want to be your best self because she’s the best (or he is) and she or he is giving you the best so it’s only fair. Unfortunately, you don’t know how to be great, so you go to this amazing person and you let her/him lead you into becoming a better person. Sometimes they nail it. And that’s true love and those two nerds stay together, improving each other until one of them dies and the other never recovers emotionally, becomes a shell of her former self, forgets who she is, and rots to death in a nursing home. Too bleak? Phone your gran.
Other times, partners abuse this power. Manipulate it. Use your insecurity against you to make changes you may never recover from. Turn themselves into a deity-like figure from whom you constantly seek approval and validation because they’ve cut you off from the people who loved you before.
Don’t let the fact that a breakup is going to suck stop you from going through with it. If you want evidence of why that is a bad idea, look at your unhappily married friends and family. I guarantee you they missed the breakup window years ago. Acknowledge the fact that the breakup is going to suck, go through with it, rip that person’s entire world from beneath his feet, watch him crumble, and then go buy yourself a well-earned milkshake and get back in the fucking game.
It’s waaaaay crueler to not dump that person. If you happen to be in a relationship with someone you don’t want to be with, allow me to try and inspire you to get out of it. If you persist in having relationships that have no future and you don’t dump them, you are a fucking monster. A selfish, cowardly, pathetic monster. Every second you are with them you are taking something valuable away from them and hurting their recovery. There is no future in this. You know this, they don’t. How dare you string them along, make them feel safe, and waste that valuable time that they could use to find someone with a better dick/pussy than you. Someone who actually likes them, unlike you, you coldhearted dead-behind-the-eyes witch. Hope that helped.
Side note: Never, ever allow someone else to become your other half. Jesus fucking Christ. Have some self-respect. You’re a full-grown biological, statistical anomaly that has cognitive thought standing on a rock that’s hurtling through an infinite universe, could you stop being so fucking basic, please? You are you. They are them. Together you are a couple.
I’m not trying to discredit all relationships. I am surrounded by people who have found partners who love them, complement their personality, inspire each other, and laugh with them. That is what we should all strive to achieve. But if you can’t find that, the next step is not “Well, I’ll find someone who has one of those qualities.” It’s wait until the love of your life shows up. It would be like saying, “Everyone else has a cake, but I only have flour. Well, no time to be picky. I might as well just spoon self-rising flour down my throat to see if that fills me up.”
“How do I know if it’s true love?” Simple. Is your reaction “Oh, my God. She’s so perfect. I love her. I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t go on without this person. I’m so happy I’m in love”? Congratulations! You’re not in love. You’re in love with the idea of love. You’re in lust and I’m gonna laugh at you when this fails. And it will.
I believe love should be the most inconvenient thing in the world. Falling in love should be like, “Are you fucking kidding me? Shit. I was having a swell old time alone, and then this perfect dumbass turned up and now I want to be with her. What an absolute selfish prick this person is to come out of nowhere and make me feel this. Goddamn it. I was having fun. Oh, well.”
October 3rd, 2023 at 5:14 PM ^
You know what's worse than marriage? Dating. The last blind date I was on was an absolute, miserable disaster.
We celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary by spending a month in Italy earlier this year.