CC: What's your stage?

Submitted by m83econ on

Where are you at?

Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.



2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

MGoBoard
2011 Coaching tragedy

aaamichfan

January 12th, 2011 at 6:21 AM ^

At halftime of the Wisconsin game, I came to the conclusion that RR was going to be fired after the season. 

I'm already back to Stage 7.

Joined: 10/23/2009

MGoPoints: 14362

BIGDOGDOGGY

January 12th, 2011 at 6:24 AM ^

i am at stage hope. at first i thought NOOOOOO!!! but i have calmed down and done some research and i am starting to come around to hoke.

like i posted in another thred, in the last 3 yrs at bsu and sdsu hoke has gone 25-13 and was named the 2008 mac coach of the year and the 2010 mwc coach of the year.

he just led sdsu to there first wining season in 12 yrs! and first bowl win in 40 yrs!

plus his O was ranked 19th in scoring this year putting up 35 ppg and sdsu was ranked 12th in passing O.

Joined: 01/10/2011

MGoPoints: 19

milla61

January 12th, 2011 at 6:25 AM ^

I took the news of Hokes hiring like someone who just got back from the clinic and found out they had a treatable STD...yeah it sucks but it could've been worse.

Joined: 01/10/2010

MGoPoints: 178

Derek

January 12th, 2011 at 6:26 AM ^

I'd put myself at stage 5. I made it to stage 6 as I tried to imagine sexy coordinators we could bring in, but was knocked back down upon reading that Borges is coming with Brady. I'm still doing better, but that was tough.

Joined: 06/30/2008

MGoPoints: 23925

MWW6T7

January 12th, 2011 at 6:28 AM ^

I was ecstatic that it was finally over and happy to move on but now I am back @ 3 because of the CC: tag. I know some things are hard to let go but I did not think that would be one of them.

Joined: 09/15/2009

MGoPoints: 1671

macdaddy

January 12th, 2011 at 6:29 AM ^

... heading rapidly towards 7 since there's not much choice. So it's Hoke. Whatever. Not exactly lighting the world on fire with the pick even though he might (might) be the best long-term choice for the program.

I'm just wondering how this all went down at the beginning of the "search." DB tells Hoke that maybe he's interested but that he's going to talk to some other people first. He makes Hoke pinky swear that if the other guys don't work out he'll take the job? Weird. As has been said many times, why did this not happen as soon as the Ohio State game ended?

The only reason I'm still at 3 is that I'm trying to figure out how to spin this to Sparty to make it look like our HC job is still the jewel in the crown of college football.

Joined: 07/05/2008

MGoPoints: 2754

Wolverine318

January 12th, 2011 at 7:26 AM ^

I think I am at #4. I am depressed knowing that the Michigan program is just now like every other mediocre big ten program. I am also depressed knowing that DB never had a pimp hand and is subject to the old guard factions aka Lloyd's cronies. Finally the thing that depresses me the most, they got rid of rid of one inflexible coach and installed another. Especially a coach that runs an offense that is ill suited for our current offense. Good luck trying to keep Denard. WHatev's it is not Hoke's fault that DB is a complete buffoon. 

Joined: 07/01/2008

MGoPoints: -86217

MGoDrew

January 12th, 2011 at 7:29 AM ^

Years of training as a Detroit Lions fan has proven I can talk myself into anything.  This stage is the Lions equivalent of the few days after the draft when there is a bit of hope that the rookies can make an impact.

Hopefully this situation turns our much better when we actually hit the field.

As an alum and lifelong Michigan fan I will support whoever the coach is.

I do however reserve the right to regress to numbers 3 or 4 should Denard transfer.  That will be a major stomach punch if it happens.

Joined: 06/30/2008

MGoPoints: 46

SWFlaBlue

January 12th, 2011 at 7:30 AM ^

This is a team I will support for the rst of my life, no matter the coach. I'll spend the next 8 months hopeful that next season will be one to enjoy from beginning to end, just like I have for every past year.

Joined: 09/14/2009

MGoPoints: 675

modaddy21

January 12th, 2011 at 7:48 AM ^

I am at stage 5, looking at the bright sides, hoping for the best.  Yesterday after being excited for Miles, and refreashing a million times to see he was coming, I immediately went into depression when the news came out.  It really wasn't until all the former and current player tweets that I started to come out of it.  I am still pissed at DB though.

Joined: 11/09/2009

MGoPoints: 1675

AMazinBlue

January 12th, 2011 at 7:53 AM ^

On Hoke, I'm at stage 7.

On MSC and LC, I am at a highly rageful Stage 1

On DB, I have given up.  He has no backbone,  nor can he make his own choices.  He is a used car salesman and a shill.

I don't know if we'll ever get past OSU with this coach, maybe but I just don't know.  I'm hopeful.

The one thing I do know, this program will never get to national prominence as long as LC has anything to do with it.

Joined: 10/12/2008

MGoPoints: 7197

TIMMMAAY

January 12th, 2011 at 8:12 AM ^

How does a guy like Dahblue fit into the seven stages of grief? Dude has been fucking tapdancing on RR's grave here for the past couple days. Makes me sick.

Joined: 09/08/2008

MGoPoints: 56284

Don

January 12th, 2011 at 8:27 AM ^

Brian's mistake is one of simple misspelling. He intended initially to write "Gimp Hand," but put down "Pimp Hand" and it just took off.

Joined: 06/30/2008

MGoPoints: 148342

JamesBondHerpesMeds

January 12th, 2011 at 8:39 AM ^

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result.

I don't think anyone will stop being my friend for blaming Dave Brandon for this one.

That said -- I'm somewhere in the 5-7 range.  If he comes into the presser with a fog machine, a ghetto blaster playing Ratt, and a shirt that says "I Will Eat Your Children, Tressel", put me as a high 6.8.

Joined: 04/13/2009

MGoPoints: 39552

MGoJen

January 12th, 2011 at 8:49 AM ^

and it's really, really difficult for me because I'm generally this super upbeat, optimistic person.  I even asked a couple of my diehard friends last night if this makes me a bad Michigan fan, that I wasn't all OMG HOKE!!111 yesterday.  (They assured me it does not, and that this is a tough thing.) Hoke has my full support, as the head coach of Michigan always will, but this is hard and I'm sad.

As I've explained before, I haven't been a diehard since birth--I only really fell in love with Michigan as an undergrad.  Lloyd was my coach and I was sad when he left, but it in some capacity it felt unforced, like it was time for him to retire/move on.  How things turned out with RR was obviously a very different story.  The resistance RR received from the start was always very, very difficult for me to stomach.  It made me angry, and while I didn't blindly support RR and did believe there were major issues that were detrimental to our success (defense! special teams! play calling!), I found myself relentlessly fighting for him.  I defended him even when I felt he was wrong because I knew in my heart many of the people to whom I defended him hated him because of who he was and probably moreso because of who and what he was not, namely not a "Michigan Man" (I hate that phrase), polished, well-spoken, etc.  I cannot tell you how many people (many older bluehair fans) in the past few years have told me, "This is NOT Michigan football."  That broke my heart every single time.  I would either silently smile and politely agree or go into crazy attack mode depending on who I was speaking with. 

I was a proponent of giving RR another year with a new, completely-autonomous DC/defensive staff.  I know why he had to go, and I respect that decision.  I'm just sad about the whole thing right now, and I hope that it will get better.  Onward and upward. 

Joined: 11/23/2008

MGoPoints: 1833

Hardware Sushi

January 12th, 2011 at 9:14 AM ^

Definitely in the depression stage. I've been feeling pretty awful since the announcement. I was thoroughly entrenched in the hope stage with Richrod after beginning my most recent phase of grieving.

I'm not cutting on Hoke; he may turn out to be a great coach. I'm depressed we're at square one. Again. Without anyone leading the ship that has proven they can coach Michigan back to greatness. Just as I really thought things were turning around. I kept telling myself the ends justified the means our past three seasons. Nope.

I read the deadline for supporting the new coach is supposedly during the press conference. Me? I don't think I can make it to stage 7 of the grief model for quite some time. I guess I'll just keep to myself in Depressionville for a while...

Joined: 03/08/2010

MGoPoints: 6543