Well, that was the fun part. At least ESPN tried to give Willie Henry double points for the FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN*, which should definitely be a real thing.
*widespread internet meme for any TD by a guy over ~250 pounds, so please don't rip me limb from limb, Mr. Henry, sir.
[After THE JUMP, the state of the program in GIF form, essentially.]
No honorable mentions, ranked list, or voting this week, because I really wanted to enjoy something about my Sunday. (Thank you, Lions, of all things.) Click the stills to open each GIF in a lightbox.
I'M SINCERELY SORRY, RYAN GLASGOW, THAT THIS SO EFFECTIVELY ENCAPSULATES THE STATE OF THE PROGRAM, AS YOU ARE QUITE GOOD AND SO IS THE DEFENSE
But, yeah, a nose tackle trying and failing to tackle a guy in space because he's lost both his shoes is pretty much the living metaphor for Michigan trying and failing to beat good teams while hamstrung with a coach who doesn't seem to understand the concept of putting his players in a position to succeed. The only reason this isn't 100% perfect is because it's happening to the defense instead of the offense.
EVERYTHING IS FINE
Yes, granted, it's nice to see a little fire on the sideline these days. The above is still not indicative of a football program heading in the right direction.
EVERYTHING IS A METAPHOR
DO YOU GET IT WE'RE SAD AND THERE'S RAIN AND YEAH YOU PROBABLY GET IT.
THE BALL WAS SNAPPED WITHIN ONE MINUTE OF THIS MINOR FIELD SURGERY BUT WE'RE DEFINITELY LOOKING OUT FOR THE PLAYERS' BEST INTERESTS, EVERYONE
GREAT BAND PRACTICE, THOUGH
"The acoustics have really improved tonight! Thanks, Dave!"
Bonus ghostly facepalm that ESPN infuriatingly faded away from in a fashion that made it impossible to GIF:
Yeah, I think I'm done here.