One Frame At A Time: Utah
Well, that was the fun part. At least ESPN tried to give Willie Henry double points for the FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN*, which should definitely be a real thing.
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*widespread internet meme for any TD by a guy over ~250 pounds, so please don't rip me limb from limb, Mr. Henry, sir.
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[After THE JUMP, the state of the program in GIF form, essentially.]
No honorable mentions, ranked list, or voting this week, because I really wanted to enjoy something about my Sunday. (Thank you, Lions, of all things.) Click the stills to open each GIF in a lightbox.
I'M SINCERELY SORRY, RYAN GLASGOW, THAT THIS SO EFFECTIVELY ENCAPSULATES THE STATE OF THE PROGRAM, AS YOU ARE QUITE GOOD AND SO IS THE DEFENSE
But, yeah, a nose tackle trying and failing to tackle a guy in space because he's lost both his shoes is pretty much the living metaphor for Michigan trying and failing to beat good teams while hamstrung with a coach who doesn't seem to understand the concept of putting his players in a position to succeed. The only reason this isn't 100% perfect is because it's happening to the defense instead of the offense.
EVERYTHING IS FINE
Yes, granted, it's nice to see a little fire on the sideline these days. The above is still not indicative of a football program heading in the right direction.
EVERYTHING IS A METAPHOR
DO YOU GET IT WE'RE SAD AND THERE'S RAIN AND YEAH YOU PROBABLY GET IT.
THE BALL WAS SNAPPED WITHIN ONE MINUTE OF THIS MINOR FIELD SURGERY BUT WE'RE DEFINITELY LOOKING OUT FOR THE PLAYERS' BEST INTERESTS, EVERYONE
Seems legit.
GREAT BAND PRACTICE, THOUGH
"The acoustics have really improved tonight! Thanks, Dave!"
IN SUM
Bonus ghostly facepalm that ESPN infuriatingly faded away from in a fashion that made it impossible to GIF:
Yeah, I think I'm done here.
September 22nd, 2014 at 1:58 PM ^
I would have to vote for the fading spirit of Michigan football, so hauntingly encapsulated in the last image. Sigh.
September 22nd, 2014 at 4:39 PM ^
Plus the chick on the right is cute.
September 23rd, 2014 at 10:49 AM ^
Calm down there, tiger.
September 22nd, 2014 at 2:01 PM ^
LOL Glasgow! He reminds me of the commercial who forgot his shoes on the plane. His shoes!
BTW, we're collectively the kid who threw up in the air sickness bag.
September 22nd, 2014 at 5:38 PM ^
why Glasgow is 10 yards downfield in the first place?
Is dropping a NT into coverage...a thing?
September 22nd, 2014 at 2:02 PM ^
Hey, the band was a real marching band at that point!!
Down with woodwinds. No one cares how many notes you can fit on a beat, because no one can hear you.
September 22nd, 2014 at 2:30 PM ^
Great job, 69!
69, huh-huh-huh.
September 22nd, 2014 at 2:52 PM ^
Big Willie was the only thing worth remembering from this game.
September 22nd, 2014 at 4:30 PM ^
That's what she said...
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:07 PM ^
No GIF of Frank Clark hurdling a dude and getting a sack on the QB whose eyes shot wide open? I know everyone is all doom and gloom right now, but let's at least try to grab some GIFs of some of the exciting stuff.
Stay away from GIFs of Utah's QB faceplanting though, they kept showing the replay and I could barely watch. Did he think he was getting another 6 yards with that jump?
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:20 PM ^
That definitely merited inclusion. Here you go.
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:59 PM ^
Great play by Clark. Looks really fast on this play. One of the few high points of the game..
September 23rd, 2014 at 5:51 PM ^
Until the sideline interferance penalty immediately after it that pretty much negated the sack. good tackle though.
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:19 PM ^
In the Hoke/Mattison gif, I love how Chris Singletary has the "oh, shit, not this again" look and starts following the two to make sure it doesn't get out of control....meanwhile almost no one else reacts at all.
September 22nd, 2014 at 4:37 PM ^
You do know your avatar is NOT Texas, right?
September 23rd, 2014 at 6:01 PM ^
Director of Football Operations Justin Dickens was giving them the stink eye. yes... I had to look up to see who the hell he was.
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:33 PM ^
Hoke is a nice guy, is good at recruiting, and represents M's culture well.
- He can't be allowed to make any game decisions, and must stay off of the fricken football field...wtf
- The O-coordinator must make all clock mgmt. decisions and coordinate with the special teams coach and D-coordinator
- Mattison much be in charge of all major game decisions / orchestration where over-all coordination is required.
- Someone other that Hoke / possibly a combination of Mattison Nusmeier must be in charge of all assistant hiring / firing - Hoke has no balls in this area and doesn't understand anything resembling anything beyond basic high school football coaching so is incapable of making these decisions - I watch Clarkston high fb, the coaching across the board is far superior than what I see at the M games!!!
- Ferringo must be fired!!! The special teams are serviceable, but not "special" - ten man punt coverage only two on the returner.... - wtf....not being able to pooch punt, get inside the 15, etc etc...wtf, wtf, wtf
- Funk must be fired so obvious - wtf!!!
- Wellman must go - Need someone to make them tough and motivated - It's hard to watch the O-line not be able to push inferior D-lineman
- THIS ALL NEEDS TO HAPPEN NOW!!! Save the season, save the recruits!
- Need someone on the sidelines to get in players face - not clap and pat their butts!
I'm all for keeping Hoke, said the above.....Nice guy, represents the program well, good recruiter, good for the culture....Establishes a good comfortable family atmosphere for the kids and their families.
All coaches from SDSU being fired - Coincidence - I think not!!!
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:47 PM ^
Fire Hoke then?
September 22nd, 2014 at 4:04 PM ^
Why would you even keep him around if you strip him of all responsibilities? Hoke delegates a lot of authority out as it is, but at least he has the balls to make the big decisions when they need made (for better or for worse). If you're going to call for him to be stripped of his power as head coach, wouldn't you just be better off firing him and having Mattison or Nuss as an interim?
I'm not happy with this coaching staff, this season, and the direction of this program either. However, there seems to be little advantage to firing everybody after 4 games. There is absolutely no advantage to having a head coach with no responsibilities or power as you argue. You either have Hoke maintain his power and position or you fire him-reducing his influence over the program isn't going to help anyone or anything.
September 22nd, 2014 at 4:36 PM ^
No balls to fire??? Are you forgetting about Borges already? He fired a coordinator who had been with him for a long time.
So basically you want to disband the team for the remainder of the year? Take your ten points and move on troll...
September 23rd, 2014 at 6:08 PM ^
So sort of like George Lucas's role in the new Star Wars trilogy? Hoke just sits in a chair somewhere in Schembechler Hall, and act's as the program's encyclopedia on Michigan tradition?
September 22nd, 2014 at 3:44 PM ^
Not "tired of". . . just tired. My measuring stick for this season was progress. I don't see progress. Four games in and they've even regressed a little, since I think Utah's defense is inferior to ND's (I could be wrong but the're at least comparable). The offense hasn't improved in a month. The D. . . man I feel sorry for that bunch. It's hard to play every down when the offense keeps giving the game away.
But I really don't have any cares left to give. I don't mean that in an "eff it" way; I mean it's like working through a flu that just won't go away. After a month your head's foggy, your body's exhausted and true passion doesn't look like passion because the apathetic presence I bring here is the more faithful alternative to vanishing and spending the day in bed. I haven't given up; I'll root for this team to the bitter end but the most you'll get out of me at this point is a sickly "uhhh". Just following the team is because of passion at this point but I'm too bleargh to cheer.
There are only two outcomes in my mind at this point -- wins that delay the inevitable and losses that hasten it. If the offense does "click" the turning point will be clear but I'm too tired to wait for that anymore. Let it just be a pleasant surprise if it happens.
September 22nd, 2014 at 5:52 PM ^
I described Willie Henry's TD to my girlfriend that evening, and she replied, "Well, good - he got a pick six, right?" (God love her, she not only tolerates my football obsession, she even learns the terminology.)
Right, I said, but it's good and bad. She asked why.
I told her that the good part was that a hard-working kid busted his butt on the play and got every lineman's dream - an interception for touchdown. It was well done and well deserved.
The bad part was, in a span of five seconds, Willie Henry scored more points than the offense has in two full games.
Which is when she handed me another beer.
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