Welcome to Let's Remember Some Games (RIP Deadspin), a series in which we remember some games. It's self-explanatory. There's no criteria for the order, sport, date, or anything else; if a game strikes our fancy, we're gonna look back on it. Today's choice: Michigan basketball at Illinois, March 4th, 2014.

The Backstory

the backcourt was as good as the shorts were bad [Fuller]

In the final week of the regular season, Michigan traveled to Champaign with a chance to clinch the outright Big Ten championship for the first time since 1986. Despite their run to the national championship game the previous year, John Beilein's team wasn't a lock to get here—they'd lost Trey Burke and Tim Hardaway Jr. to the NBA, then injury cut short an expected breakout season from Mitch McGary in mid-December.

Nik Stauskas and Caris LeVert proved a formidable lead duo, however, bolstered by a strong supporting cast featuring Glenn Robinson III, Jordan Morgan, a freshman Derrick Walton, Spike Albrecht, Jon Horford, and freshman gunner Zak Irvin. Stauskas was in the running for Big Ten Player of the Year.

Illinois, meanwhile, bounced back from a 2-8 start to Big Ten play after second-year coach John Groce—two years removed from knocking off Michigan in the NCAA Tournament as Ohio's head man—settled on a rotation that worked, particularly on defense. The Illini had moved into fringe tourney contention with three straight victories, most recently upsetting Michigan State at the Breslin Center, and they'd held their previous four opponents below 50 points. To add to their motivation, this game was their Senior Day, and it drew a national television slot on ESPN.

It'd be a shame if they got embarrassed in front of a national audience. A real, real shame.

[Hit THE JUMP for, well, you understand foreshadowing.]

The Game

Michigan made it clear from the jump that Illinois would not continue their streak of holding teams below 50. Robinson opened the game with a strong drive, Walton sunk a three and followed it with a beautiful dime to Jordan Morgan, and Nik Stauskas began his onslaught in earnest:

LeVert then finished a drive that Mike Tirico described as "serpentine," which transported my mind to Rickon Stark's last run. Within five minutes, all five Michigan starters had recorded a field goal.

The bench got in on it too. Unabashed Just A Shooter™ Zak Irvin nailed a three on his first touch of the game, stepped out of bounds while hunting another from the same spot, and then bricked a pull-up two. It felt like the full Freshman Irvin experience. Spike hit a triple of his own after a nifty sidestep.

It's at this point I have to admit that my go-to media format, the GIF/gfycat, isn't sufficient for this game. From this point, the contest was all about the noise emanating from the players, court, fans, and announcers, starting with this rim-rattling dunk by GRIII. Dan Dakich knew this was trouble from the start—he's the one who lets out the "ooooooh":

A back injury that held Jordan Morgan out after seven minutes played was only speed bump the Wolverines hit. When another Irvin three put Michigan up by 20 well before the end of the first half, a disgusted Groce inserted walk-on sophomore guard Mike LaTulip for the first time in two months. He looks how you think he looks. This sparked a mini-run of three straight scoring possessions for the Illini that crashed to its inevitable halt; LaTulip finished 0-for-2 with a turnover and a foul in seven minutes. Sometimes it's better to take the Trillion.

With Michigan leading 49-30, Beilein called a timeout 14.8 seconds before the half. Groce, obnoxiously but understandably, had his team use their three remaining fouls to give, bleeding the clock down to 4.3 seconds. What followed was one of the most beautiful moments of instant karma in Michigan sports history.

Everything about this is perfect: the stupid U-S-A chant, the blown defense, the precision of the shot, Stauskas backing up and flipping towards the student section, Tirico's "oh, Canada!" call, Dakich's laugh, the air getting sucked out of the building, all of it.

When you have a chance to mock the league's best player when he's on fire and your team is losing by 19, you've gotta do it, I guess.

A hilarious fact I'd forgotten about this game: that Stauskas shot opened a 13-2 run. The second half featured Tirico and Dakich attempting to keep the audience engaged by discussing whatever came to mind before Stauskas would interrupt them with another three-pointer:

Who's their coach of the year? Who's their player of the year? We didn't get the answers because Stauskas sent Dakich off the deep end while exploring his comparison of the Canadian's swagger to that of a certain Detroit rapper.

The seventh and final Stuaskas three featured one last turn towards the Orange Krush and another fit of laughter from Dakich.

Stauskas finished with 24 points (1/2 on twos, 7/9 on threes), two assists, and no turnovers. Michigan finished with a school-record-tying 16 threes and a late-game lineup of Derrick Walton, Max Bielfeldt, Andrew Dakich, Sean Lonergan, and Brad Anlauf. Your final score: 84-53. Happy Senior Day!

champions [Fuller]

Top Five Moments That Date This Game

5. Bacari Alexander's Pregame Speech

"You gotta stick together," he said. Bacari Alexander is a very literal man.

4. True Junior Guard Tracy Abrams. The pregame lineups showed the soon-to-be star-crossed Illini guard as a junior, which prompted me to check when this game occurred for the dime store version of Robbie Hummel. Abrams was a true junior; he'd miss the next two seasons before completing his eligibility in 2017.

3. John Groce's Jacket. Groce and his orange blazer would only last at Illinois as long as Abrams. We also lost GroceFace. Let us remember.

I preferred this to Brad Underwood Learns to Coach Big Ten Defense.

2. The Inevitable Mention of Bielfeldt's Calves. Dakich brought it strong when Bielfeldt hit the bench with two fouls:

I could not let him get through the game without saying he has the biggest calves in college basketball, arguably college basketball history.

We also got the inevitable mention that Bielfeldt's family had given a whole lot of money to Illinois.

1. Tirico Asking Dakich Whether He'd Retweeted Ellen DeGeneres's Oscars Selfie. He had not, for the record.

BONUS PICK: Dan Dakich's All-Big Ten Team

Remember these guys?

Also, soccer fans might appreciate the betting favorite to win the 2014 World Cup, which is running on the bottom line.

BONUS BOTTOM LINE NEWS: Tony Romo restructured his contract to free up $10 million in cap space for the Cowboys. Pitcher Johan Santana signed a minor league contract with the Orioles. Edmonton traded goalie Ilya Bryzgalov to Minnesota for a fourth-round pick. 

Oddity of the Game

Freshman Zak Irvin records an assist.

One of four he'd make in Big Ten play!