Your best OSU/Ohio jokes
Time to bring them out, original jokes or just your favorites.
When I see a person wearing a hat with those ugly scarlet O’s on them, I like to walk up and say “Hey, I know you’re aspiring to reach zero, but come on now. You’re a Buckeye. You know you’re less than zero.”
We all know that Michigan is shaped like a mitten. But have you noticed that Maine looks like a left handed mitten. And the east coast looks like an arm. And if you follow the arm down to the armpit, you find Ohio.
November 25th, 2022 at 10:34 AM ^
You have to come up with a joke THE Buckeye understands for it to work.
November 25th, 2022 at 10:37 AM ^
That is waaaay too much work. It might be an unsolvable mathematical problem.
November 25th, 2022 at 10:41 AM ^
What's the difference between an ohio state fan and a bag of shit?
The bag
November 25th, 2022 at 10:50 AM ^
OSU fans poop in coolers
sorry, that is actually true
November 25th, 2022 at 10:54 AM ^
What did the OSU grad say to the Michigan grad?
”Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order please?”
I had to blow the dust off that one but whatever.
November 25th, 2022 at 10:54 AM ^
What happens when Ohio State chokes?
They GO BLUE
November 25th, 2022 at 11:01 AM ^
Don’t need jokes…
they shit in coolers.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:22 AM ^
They're a little like Sparty. Be patient and the jokes will tell themselves. (Apologies to the reasonable fans of those teams.)
November 25th, 2022 at 11:04 AM ^
How many Ohio state fans does it take to spell a four letter word?
2-4
November 25th, 2022 at 11:05 AM ^
This guy's goatee in the HBO documentary that I watch every year.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:47 AM ^
I always thought it looked like he tried to eat a chocolate glazed donut from the top.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:11 AM ^
That ... that is not a good joke.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:18 AM ^
Columbus, Ohio.
November 25th, 2022 at 1:55 PM ^
Friend of mine on the phone with the state tax agency in Columbus...
Angrily: "Columbus is the genital wart on the taint of Ohio!"
November 25th, 2022 at 11:19 AM ^
Old one:
How do you get to Columbus from Ann Arbor?
South until you smell it, east until you step in it.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:19 AM ^
Not a joke really, but whenever someone comes into my office with an OSU shirt or hat my line is always the same: "You an OSU fan? I'll speak slower."
(I do the same thing with Army people though)
November 25th, 2022 at 11:30 AM ^
As a Michigan fan, I approve.
As an Army person, I appreciate your attempt to say your words by going slowly.
November 25th, 2022 at 1:09 PM ^
2 star comes into our ops area for a tour -- the "screw the mission, clean the position" kinda of kissing babies and shaking hands tour. I'm getting really short so my give a shitter is cat r.
I've got a Michigan lanyard around my neck for my (numerous) badge holder.
In the entourage are some of the combined command senior enlisted and some full bird strap hangers.
The general is asking me some off the script questions, I'm handling it so him and I are having a good time. One of the full birds is eyeing me and finally pipes up... "Michigan, huh. Why would anyone choose to go there?". Then lets me know he's a proud buckeye.
I paused for a second -- and quite honestly, I've never been disrespectful to anyone who out ranked me but I've never lost my mind like some people get star struck in the presence of O-6s or above either. They put their pants on one leg at a time just like I do.
So I said, "sir, that's great -- and there's nothing wrong with ohio state either... the kids that cannot get into Michigan have to have somewhere to go to school after all" loud enough that everyone could hear.
2 star laughed his ass off and gave me his challenge coin. Ha! Fuck that colonel... heard from a few others later the guy's a douche so people appreciated it -- one of my bros is Clemson grad and he's been rooting for Michigan as well ever since.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:22 AM ^
as an Ohio resident, whenever a buckeye fan says shit about my M hat or shirt, I just say
”we can’t all be perfect ….. someone needs to root for the buckeyes”
November 25th, 2022 at 11:23 AM ^
Knock knock
Who’s there?
42-27
November 25th, 2022 at 11:26 AM ^
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Buckeye fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were too. Not really knowing what a Buckeye fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Buckeye fan." Then, asks the teacher, what are you? "Why I'm a proud Michigan Wolverine fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Kristen why she is a Wolverine fan. "Well, my mom and dad are Wolverine fans, so I'm a Wolverine fan too."
The teacher is now angry.
"That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
After a pause, and a smile, Kristen says...
"Then I'd be a Buckeye fan."
November 25th, 2022 at 11:43 AM ^
You win.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:44 AM ^
For those that are worried about what happen to Kristen. Her parents moved her to a better school and here's her second grade class picture 
November 25th, 2022 at 11:30 AM ^
What does a Buckeye fan's girlfriend and sister have in common?
Answer: Parents
November 25th, 2022 at 11:31 AM ^
My best Ohio State joke, one that always gets a laugh?
"Ohio State."
November 25th, 2022 at 11:50 AM ^
Why does OSU cheer only spell OHIO?
1) they can only spell four letters.
2) they pass out from the stench in the toilet after 4 letters.
What happens if a Michigan grad and OSU grad marry?
They make a Smart Ass baby.
November 25th, 2022 at 11:52 AM ^
A snowball in hell has an Ohio State quarterback succeeding in the NFL chance.
November 25th, 2022 at 12:24 PM ^
"the ohio state university"
beclowned themselves and most have no idea. the best kind of joke, like putting a 'kick me' sticker on your own back.
November 25th, 2022 at 12:38 PM ^
So many I could come up with. Probably anywhere between 42-27 of them.
November 25th, 2022 at 1:02 PM ^
Why aren’t buckeye fans circumcised?
Because there is no end to those pricks…
November 25th, 2022 at 1:25 PM ^
Ryan Day.
November 25th, 2022 at 1:25 PM ^
My dog is a big Ohio State fan. He wears a large "O" beneath his tail.
November 25th, 2022 at 1:39 PM ^
A few years back there was an OSU football player who wanted to graduate but when he showed up to graduation the president of THE university told him "you're just too dumb to graduate". The player pleaded with the president who said "Ok - I'll give you a really simple test and if you pass it you can graduate. What is the capital of the country?" and the players said "Cleveland". The whole crowd of Buckeyes gathered felt sorry for the player and yelled in unison "give him another chance! Give him another chance!". The president relented and said "Ok, a second chance. What element is first in the periodic table?" And the player said "furniture polish". The crowd of Buckeye faithful, showing their empathy, once again shouted unison "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" The president relented and said "Ok, what is 2+2?" and the player said "4". And the crowd chanted "Give him another chance!! Give him another chance!!"
November 25th, 2022 at 1:53 PM ^
Two Ohio State fans were walking in the snow. One said, “That’s dog tracks” The other said,” No, that’s cat tracks” “No, dog” “No, cat.” Then all of a sudden a train hit them.
November 25th, 2022 at 2:00 PM ^
From Dave Chappelle:
"Ohio is an old native american word. It means, literally, 'land of poor white people'."
November 25th, 2022 at 2:41 PM ^
Once upon a time Woody and Bo stumbled upon a genie. The genie decided to grant each of them one wish. So Woody goes first and says "Put a wall around the entire state of Ohio." After a brief pause to consider, Bo follows by saying "Now fill it with water!"
November 25th, 2022 at 2:45 PM ^
They are ethical.
November 25th, 2022 at 7:52 PM ^
Why does all the corn in Indiana lean east?
Because Ohio sucks!
November 26th, 2022 at 8:23 AM ^
Q:How do you know when a Buckeye fan has been in your backyard?
A: Your garbage cans are knocked over and your dog is pregnant.
November 26th, 2022 at 9:00 AM ^
This is not a joke but it is a true story. My son is in middle school, and let's just say that he doesn't go "to play school" but he did excel on this one particular day. In typical fashion, he bombed his math test, which didn't move him much, but apparently a bunch of his classmates also bombed their tests and some of them started crying. The teacher saw that a few of the students were distraught and stopped the class to make a little speech that he too has failed tests and he has a happy life now teaching them and they were all going to get into colleges and he emphasized that in fact no bad colleges exist. (When I heard about this, my first thought was, why the heck is a middle school teacher bringing up colleges?)
Seeing that the weeping had not ceased and to drive his point home, he doubled down and said, go ahead, if you can name me one bad college, I will give you extra credit points. (Note that we live in a suburb of NYC so nowhere near Ohio or Michigan.) Well, it was probably the first time my son was confident that he knew the answer in that math class. I can picture him, his hand rocketing into the air (he said his hand went up first and immediately) and giddy that he finally knew an answer in math class. Anyway, no points were awarded to my son, and my son hates that class even more now, but I was a proud father.