rc15

March 16th, 2018 at 3:39 PM ^

"At press time, a Kylo Ren action figure was accusing Brandon of being a worthless fuckup who ran the company into the ground."

Saved the best line for last

Joined: 01/23/2015

MGoPoints: 12103

aaamichfan

March 16th, 2018 at 3:43 PM ^

The Onion has been on fire today. There is an article about Meghan Markle that was absolute gold, as well as one about a Vagina having a 5 O'Clock Shadow........

Joined: 10/23/2009

MGoPoints: 14362

Grampy

March 16th, 2018 at 3:58 PM ^

I was taken by the ad for "The Death of Stalin" at the top banner. The notion of Steve Buscemi as ol' shoe pounder Nikita Khrushchev cracks my elderly ass up.

Joined: 06/29/2012

MGoPoints: 24326

SHub'68

March 16th, 2018 at 4:35 PM ^

if he had just been incompetent and ran it into the ground it would be one thing; but I see it as worse than that.  More like he knew exactly what he was doing - being Bain's patsy for capitalizing on the failure of a corporation to the tune of millions of dollars in personal profit.

If we get a look at details for exactly what he was trying to do to save that company, I'd bet it wasn't much more sophisticated than some of the junk we saw going on here.  Real life of this is probably more ludicrous than Onion could ever satirize.

Joined: 09/29/2010

MGoPoints: 6663

1VaBlue1

March 16th, 2018 at 5:52 PM ^

This is my take.  Bain professionally shuts down shit, and Brandon is a well known bankruptcjy 'expert'.  They took TRU for every dime they could get out of it, and now thier shutting it down to avoid paying back the egregious loans they took to buy it.  They're all making money, all of them.  Well, except for the TRU workers that weren't in on the scheme...

Joined: 01/31/2016

MGoPoints: 127442

1VaBlue1

March 16th, 2018 at 8:42 PM ^

Bain, KKR, and the real estate company they included, leveraged $5.5B to purchase TRU.  They used TRU revenue to make the payments on that.  Revenue didn't cover everything, and walaa - bankruptcy.  The management team got its share, and everyone else gets screwed - that's essentially what bankruptcy amounts to.  The lenders will get a fraction back.

Of course, Bain and KKR will underwrite some other 'investment' firms purchase and lose money accordingly.  It's all a big clusterfuck.  Some form of tinfoil hat, maybe, but I don't believe the finance industry is anywhere near as honest as a cheap ambulance chasing attorney...

Joined: 01/31/2016

MGoPoints: 127442

NRK

March 16th, 2018 at 8:30 PM ^

Somewhere, an oversized Kraft noodle gently weeps.* *That noodle was just coincidently weeping dude a previous event and was in no way tied to Dave Brandon losing his job.

Joined: 02/20/2009

MGoPoints: 6411