How do you no longer care?
Michigan football has meant a great deal to me. I am an alumni, graduated in 2003, but was a fan starting back in 1995. I had 3 teams back then, Michigan, UF - liked Spurrier, and Northwestern - grew up in the Chicago land area. Obviously, with the 97 championship and then attending the university my fandom went through the roof. I don't really care for the NFL or have any other real passion sports. Even Michigan basketball has been a passing joy, but I've never been invested emotionally in any other sport like Michigan football.
I bitched so much about Carr doing less with more, especially in has later years, but I still loved and followed the team religiously. Yes, I'm getting older and fandom may indeed fade as other life responsibilities add up, but I am really depressed about the current state of UM football.
First, there was the BCS era, and we didn't make 1 national championship appearance, but we were still relevant. Then the RR and Hoke wandering in the wilderness. But Harbaugh was my savior...he would bring us back, not just to Carr levels, but we would be competing with Meyer, Saban, Dabo and the elite.
Now, in year 5, I am in an unhealthy depression about where this is heading. Of course there are much more important things in life and people suffering around the world, but just from a personal level, I'm totally in the BPONE here and it's completely EMO. I want to no longer care, but I can't let go. UM football, following recruiting, cheering for the team, believing next year is the year has been such a part of the past 25 years of my life, I can't just be apathetic. Every loss still depresses me, and now even more, as I had such hopes for the Harbaugh era. This is my main hobby, as pathetic as that may sound to many.
So a question to those who have managed to disengage a bit...how did you do it? How can I be less emotionally attached to something that continues to disappoint me so greatly and I have no control over?
Sorry for the long emo post, but I'm struggling with this. Neg away, I probably deserve it, but any advice on this will help. I mean...it's just sickening how lucky OSU is...how many times we could have or should have beaten them in the past 15 years but they win all the coin flip games, as well as the ones where they are clearly better. The MSU punt 6? Appy State?...Like wtf did we do to deserve this?
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:50 PM ^
you are not an alumi, if you’re a man, you’re an alumnus. therefore the rest of your post is invalid
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:54 PM ^
aside from your comment just being rude and not helpful, it is also wrong, if you want to be technical:
Alumni = Plurality of Alumnus (male), or a combination of Alumus and Almuna (female) and a group of Almuna only is Alumnae
September 23rd, 2019 at 6:09 PM ^
It's also being pushed more now because it's gender neutral. You can buy a shirt that says "Michigan Alumni" on it
September 23rd, 2019 at 9:49 PM ^
But that makes zero sense, as “alumni” is both masculine and plural.
September 24th, 2019 at 8:55 AM ^
pretty sure you could buy that shirt for at least 40 years now....
September 23rd, 2019 at 10:56 PM ^
You misspelled "alumni". Therefore your complaint is stupid.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:51 PM ^
Because we hitched our wagon to horse that refuses to move forward.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:51 PM ^
It's self inflicted for sure. At a certain point you have start realizing that we're not doing things the way we should if we want to beat superior programs like OSU. The way we WERE is in a grey area where being the second best team in the BIG10 was ok.... because it was a close call..... The way we are this year, we're not even the number 2 team.... this is a sad sad time. We need to change.
September 23rd, 2019 at 6:15 PM ^
In the 1970s, there was only one season where more than two Big Ten teams ended the season ranked. It was an entirely different world.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:52 PM ^
The Lions are undefeated and I've jumped on that bandwagon. Waiting for them to inevitably crush me
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:15 PM ^
Dear god. Clinging to the Lions for football solace. What have we become?
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:52 PM ^
I appreciate the honesty...but you need to base your happiness on more than just football or else you're going to be miserable. ;)
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:22 PM ^
Well need to base happiness on more than MICHIGAN football
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:54 PM ^
Laugh. It’s a clown show, so try to laugh off the pain.
Be cynical. Take joy in mocking Don Brown and his pathetic defense. Try to predict how the opponent will attack. “There goes Chris Olave for another crossing route TD!”
Distance yourself. It’s “them” not “we”. You have little influence on the direction of THEIR team.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:54 PM ^
I was able to watch the Ohio State game after ours. That was a low point, OSU is a machine, a freaking machine right now. And their defense is really really good too. OSU is better than last season, I fear what could happen when we play them.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:04 PM ^
Can you imagine if Michigan played Ohio State next week? Michigan would get demolished a la Rutgers 2016. Not holding out hope that it won't still happen at the end of the season. I can accept that. There have been plenty of Ohio State Michigan games in recent years where I knew Michigan had zero chance but the thing that will be the most frustrating is that you know that Buckeye fans are going to take over the Big House again. They're going to smell blood and everything about it will be just another embarrassment.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:09 PM ^
It will be worse the end of the year when our lack of depth becomes more glaring.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:55 PM ^
Take a page out of Phil Conner's book.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:55 PM ^
Lol I’m suffering right there next to you, but consider getting some hobbies or traveling to get some perspective in life. Sports, regardless of team, are beyond your control and you can’t tie your emotions to them (although I think everyone in this blog falls into the trap at least occasionally).
You might as well buy apple stock and root for it to go up every day. Some days you’ll win and some days you’ll lose but you’ll never have control over it.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:27 PM ^
Was going to respond with essentially the same message, but you hit it on the head. You can't place happiness into something outside your control.
I love sports because it's a relatively controlled environment to invest emotions. It's a good release to share with others, be happy, be sad, etc. But if you can't put it in perspective, it's going to do more harm than good. No fan had any meaningful role in the outcome Saturday. To place your self worth on the outcome of the actions of teenagers is destructive. Enjoy it when you can, focus on other things when you can't.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:56 PM ^
Get married and have kids. When you have those responsibilities in life you can't let the outcome of a game over which you have no control over dictate your emotional state.
Losing sucks. I'm pissed about it. But I have a mortgage and tuition to pay, a son that needs help with his math homework (FUCK YOU COMMON CORE I DON'T UNDERSTAND 2nd GRADE MATH NOW), and a wife that will laugh in my face if I spend more than a little while sulking about a football game.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:02 PM ^
Believe we've already agreed on this in a separate thread.
The wife definitely accelerates getting over it.
The kids definitely help you get out of the house to miss games, helping to lead to disengagement.
Actually, I'm always relieved now when things get shitty. Michigan being a threat to make the Final Four gave me anxiety for long-term spring break planning.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:07 PM ^
Just wait. The math doesn't get any easier. I had to help my daughter every day last year when she was in sixth grade. I just taught her the right way to do it, not the book's way.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:08 PM ^
The wife thing is totally relatable. She gets genuinely angry with me if Im genuinely angry all day over a game. It's not worth an argument. It's a fucking game, after all.
But if we're being completely honest, I'm still angry and upset. I just push it down.
We're all here for the same reason. We love Michigan football. And I'd be willing to bet that the majority of us have a somewhat unhealthy attachment to this sport (not judging anyone, I have it too). I come here to let some of that emotional baggage off my chest. Misery loves company.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:25 PM ^
I push it down too if I'm being honest.
So we're both probably giving ourselves cancer.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:40 PM ^
Bill Burr said it best: "Deny your emotions, act like you have the answers. DO SOME MAN SHIT RIGHT NOW"
Cancer it is.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:10 PM ^
This...is accurate.
Also: Hatter is right, common core (and new math) is hard to understand. I find myself reverting to the "old" ways and getting scolded because I did not get the answer using the "new" way.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:14 PM ^
Hatter, check this out. When he is done with elementary school, they switch to a completely different curriculum in middle school and he will have learned math that ridiculous way for NO REASON. My son starting middle school in the same district as he went to elementary school this year and at orientation the middle school was basically like "oh lol no we don't follow the common core standard." I was like WTF
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:22 PM ^
Fanfuckingtastic! I can't wait!
I've just been teaching him the way I know how to do it, so I guess if he ends up at MSU it'll be my fault.
September 23rd, 2019 at 5:09 PM ^
Don't let him get too desperate. There is always the military.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:48 PM ^
No kids here, me and my wife are way too selfish for that bullshit. I've only recently been able to mitigate a fandom dickpunch. I'm 44, all of my childhood favorite teams, (Knicks, Rangers, Jets, and Yankees), have been bloody diarrhea over the last several seasons/decades, save for the Yankees. I think I'm numb to it at this point, expecting the wheels to come off eventually. When it finally does, I'm angry for 10 minutes but then I realize I'm lucky in life, don't have many responsibilities, and can basically live as I please, albeit without a winning fave team. Because of my fandom futility, I really enjoy schadenfreude more than I should. But I'm a dopey cunt anyway...
September 23rd, 2019 at 4:15 PM ^
You don't need to be married or have kids. If you do though its an easy way out. I was at the game with my dad and once we knew the outcome we shrugged and said yeah it sucks, but it was still a fun experience overall. There is more to life than football. Michigan will not go 450-0 in your lifetime while winning 75 national championships. Don't let something you can't influence affect your attitude.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:57 PM ^
Having kids helps. Just getting older too. This is pretty great timing for me overall. The constant commercial breaks and reviews on every other play leading to more commercial breaks have made me watch much less anyway. Not caring as much along with the above frees up most of my saturdays now.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:57 PM ^
It's pretty easy.
For the Lions, I mentally disconnected a long time ago because of the constant losing. They are FINALLY starting to potentially pull me back in, after the win yesterday.
For Michigan, I would honestly have my day ruined when they lost. When I was in middle school, high school, college, it took me a few days to get over it. I think a lot of that was the narrative that Michigan is a constant, elite program, and I believe the hype.
Now that I am old enough, and this program continues to underachieve and just be a great marketing machine, I don't connect as much anymore emotionally. I will always love watching them, will always support, and I always get bothered by a loss; however, Saturday just did not bother me. The team clearly did not want to be out there, so I'm not going to exert any emotions on it.
When Michigan lost to Louisville, Kentucky, Oregon in hoops, I was sick. Michigan basketball doesn't talk, and all they do is win stuff, so they get my passion. Michigan football talks and wins nothing. Once they show they can beat some big teams and win something, I'll come back emotionally.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:02 PM ^
Exactly this.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:10 PM ^
Well written. The football and basketball programs couldn't be more different at their core. I'm worried with the hire of a "Michigan Man" for basketball means more of the same if this team under performs.
Commence the puff pieces and propaganda.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:11 PM ^
"They are FINALLY starting to potentially pull me back in, after the win yesterday."
Are you nuts?
September 23rd, 2019 at 4:21 PM ^
Actually, I think I am getting more pulled into them now because Michigan sucks.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:11 PM ^
Same, except I'd need to see way more from the Lions to be pulled back in. Like... a playoff win maybe. Maybe then.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:14 PM ^
Call me sucked back in to that black hole if they somehow play well or cough.. beat KC this weekend.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:58 PM ^
For me it was kids. I’ve got three youngish ones. It’s very easy for me to turn off the tv and spend time with them and laugh and feel incredibly fortunate. There is still a lingering disappointment and frustration that doesn’t go away, but it’s not to the point where I’m on this board just whinging. This place is a bad place for people who want to get over things.
So, have small children. And don’t stay on this board too much when the team loses. It won’t help, and will mostly lead to a downward spiral. This place isn’t a support group. It’s a pit of despair and no one is interested in helping you get out of it (yes I’m aware of the irony of telling you this).
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:59 PM ^
The "double digit win seasons are great and just fine!!" (when we lose to OSU, don't go to the B1G championship game, and don't go to a good bowl game) crowd is our worst enemy.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:04 PM ^
You mean Wisconsin fans?
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:13 PM ^
Truth.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:16 PM ^
It's loser mentality. Hey we suck, but I'll keep forking out the money because I believe.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:32 PM ^
Competent football played by a team with an identity, capable off rattling off 10 wins a year should be valued around here after 2008-2014. Getting this team to 10 wins this year would be no small feat. Being patient and accepting of 10 win seasons while we continued to build a program capable of taking that next step would not have been a problem.
September 23rd, 2019 at 2:59 PM ^
My freshman year was in '08 so I think starting my fandom in the worst year in Michigan football history helps to temper my expectations. Saturday hurt some for me, but only because my expectations and reality were so far misaligned. Going forward, we know that we aren't a great team this year and won't be competing for the B1G - so when we see disappointing results on the field it'll hurt less because our expectations have been level-set. While I'm still holding out for a 2016 Penn State style run where we finish 9-0 the rest of the way, I understand that's just not a likely scenario.
I am a football fanatic, but I realized I can't let it affect me emotionally like it was. I don't really remember when I had this realization, but losses (and there were many) would stick with me for days. It's just unhealthy.
There are so much more important things in the world.
So for me, I just have to remember that it's supposed to be fun and entertaining, yes, even when we look atrocious like we did. It is just a game, after all.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:28 PM ^
I certainly feel for 'ya. 2008 was my younger daughter's freshman year also at U-M. You're really better off than some of us who started as Michigan fans in the earlier, better years. Keeping things in their proper perspective will really help. My daughter wasn't the biggest football fan, so she didn't live and die over how the team did. Now that's she's working, she often doesn't even watch or listen to the game, so she gets a lot more done!
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:00 PM ^
In short: nothing you do or think or say actually matters, so have a beer and chill the fuck out. This too shall pass.
September 23rd, 2019 at 3:15 PM ^
This too shall pass.
Or not. Maybe this just is the way it'll be. Maybe Michigan will just bounce around between mediocrity and garbage like other successful programs of the past. Either way, you just have to let go. People just need to stop expecting great things.