Every Defensive Back goes Blue
Every defensive back in 2011 class commits to Michigan Wolverines –
Making a decisive statement in the never ending game of college football recruiting, sources today confirmed swirling reports that over two hundred of the nation’s finest, most mediocre and poorest defensive backfield high school seniors have committed to play football for the University of Michigan Wolverines in their 2011 recruiting class. Due to time constraints, only ¼ of those commits could be contacted for personal confirmation.
The unprecedented signing is rivaled only by Alabama Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban’s 2010 class, wherein the reigning national champion school was able to sign the entire south east, including athletes from other sports, parents and grandparents of those athletes, and their nerdy, grungy, or otherwise non-athletic siblings, despite having only four scholarships to give out. According to Michigan coach Brady Hoke, no scholarship trickery or flim-flam was necessary in this case.
“We were able to get the first ten or so normally, with pretty much guaranteed early playing time, because well… I mean, you saw our 2010 defensive backfield. Ouch. It was about that point that I had an epiphany”, Coach Hoke reports. “We need to have a vastly improved defense, and we want to institute a downfield passing game. Well, those are both easy to accomplish if we’re the only team with any DB’s.”
One defensive recruit clarified his reasoning.
“At first I was uncertain (about playing in such a crowded backfield)”, reports a Knoxville area 3-star commit. “Plus, they didn’t have a scholarship for me. But then I realized, “I don’t want to be the ONLY guy out there trying to defend against Denard Robinson.” Added the player, “Plus they’ve got the guy that coordinated for Charles Woodson, so you know that’s good.”
As hinted at by Coach Hoke, Offensive Coordinator Al Borges had input on the effect this would have on the Michigan offensive plan in a phone interview.
“We’re going to put our receivers at the sticks on the sideline and throw to them.” After 15 second of silence, Borges continued. “What? That’s it. That is our play book. There are no opposing cornerbacks or safeties. Do you have a better suggestion?”
Even the administration seems in full support of this novel move.
“When I spoke about wanting to get a coach with a defensive mindset, I wasn’t kidding”, said Michigan Athletic Director Dave Brandon. “Brady Hoke was the only candidate that seemed to ‘get it’, and I am very proud and pleased with his novel approach. I am sure that our new cavalcade of student athletes will acquit themselves well and do the University of Michigan proud.”
The strategy has caught on with other top national coaches, who are already pursuing the class of 2012 and beyond. Head Coach Mark Dantonio and Michigan State University, well known for claiming to better represent the state of Michigan because they allegedly recruit better there, have announced plans to recruit the entire state of Michigan for the class of 2012.
“It might not really help us on the field at all”, said Coach Dantonio, “but it will make U of M sorta, kinda look bad from a certain perspective, and that’s always our number one goal.”
USC Head Coach Lane Kiffin, meanwhile, is embracing a different take on the same strategy.
“We’re not looking at a position or a location so much as a year. Yes sir, the class of 2021 is looking really, really fine to us, and we’re hoping to wrap up the complete set of commitments sometime later this month or in early February.”
January 26th, 2011 at 10:21 PM ^
This is awesome. I wonder why they didn't interview the Michigan Robot for this piece though?
January 26th, 2011 at 10:27 PM ^
You never can tell WHAT they're thinking.
January 26th, 2011 at 10:27 PM ^
January 26th, 2011 at 10:56 PM ^
Haha what DB's? 13's, 14's? Or maybe it's out working on the Autobots (OSU/Sparty tried and failed for the Decepticons, I'd bet anything.)
January 27th, 2011 at 12:12 AM ^
Maybe we can recruit Starscream and put him back at deep safety to annihilate anyone trying to go deep
January 26th, 2011 at 11:04 PM ^
Db are superfluous!
January 26th, 2011 at 11:05 PM ^
Never forget Tremendous.
January 26th, 2011 at 11:17 PM ^
This is quality. Very Onion-esque.
January 26th, 2011 at 11:31 PM ^
Yea, it's very good. I love the quote from the random 3* that only went blue so he didn't have to defend against Denard.
January 26th, 2011 at 11:29 PM ^
Well played although I thought Michigan was targeting an all DE/DB approach to also limit other teams rushing off the edge and/or running the scrape against Denard.
January 26th, 2011 at 11:38 PM ^
But they were all freshmen and had to be red-shirted to learn the schemes and bulk up, thus leaving the 2011 Michigan defense to still be pretty "ehh."
2012 Michigan Defense: 200+ on roster.
January 27th, 2011 at 12:36 AM ^
I can also confirm, that Patrick Peterson has withdrawn his name from the NFL draft, and has transferred to Michigan, and is more than happy to sit out a year, to dawn the maze and blue.
January 27th, 2011 at 5:59 AM ^
Deleted.